Category: A10 — AMMULU STORIES AND OTHER FUN FOUNTAINS

“You need not get up every time I enter the house, Ammalu. I appreciate your respect for me , I believe in tradition but I am a human being and a good husband too. A loving and caring husband too”
”Thank you.  I don’t want to be a hindrance for the flow of your music. Your enter the house singing and instantly I move away form the living room so that you get full freedom to sing”
“Hope it is not to escape from my singing?”
”How can I ? From any corner I can hear you and you shut the door soon after you enter ”
“Otherwise you would have escaped, Ammalu?”
“I married to live with you and not to escape from you”
“Hearing my music ?”
“Yes, hearing your music. I was prepared for that on the first day, when we met. You sang when your mom asked me to sing”

‘”I’m sure that you know our Sivasubramanian Perinkulam, known as SP”
“Is he a collector or magistrate for me to know? How are you so sure?”
”Living in USA now with his children, worked in Hyderabad, writes stories. Many of the graama(village) people know him”
“What is his nickname in the graamam?”
”Appu”
”You should have said that first. Who doesn’t know our Appu, here? As children,we used to play kottiyum pullum right on that corner, see straight there, behind the kolam, pond. He loves a familiar cinema song which we used to sing together. Shall I sing that for you now?”
“No please; We’ll have it on another occasion”
“Appu had a love affair in the village, when he was young. I’m sure that you will be interested in hearing that”
“No, Sir. This is certainly not the ideal time to hear love stories. I’ m in hurry now”
” Why are you in such a great hurry? Come inside the house; I will get you some sambaram (diluted butter milk).
“Thank you Sir, I have to catch the next bus and reach before the Shabari Express leaves Palakkad junction. If you don’t mind can you accompany me to the Station and help me to identify Appu ?  He owes me some money though I haven’t met him so far”
”Which Appu you are talking about? There are a hundred Appus in this village alone and there are 96 villages around Palakkad.”
 
Baltimore,
Jan24, 2014

‘Happy Pongal, happy Sankranthi, Ammalu. I’m fed up with this balancing task. I work like a bull and you reap all the credit”
“I can take care of your cash transaction and balance the income and expenditure”
“Cash transaction? You think I am a fool to hand over that to you? I’m talking about the arduous task of carrying your Pongal requirement, this morning from the market.  A big clay pot on the head; one hand gone to support that. A long sugarcane stick; another hand spared to hold it.
A cloth bag with turmeric plant raising and lowering its head, dangling from the shoulder! Everyone in the street was watching me and enjoying my struggle to keep in balance those three uneven, unequal demands of yours”
“You could have hired an auto or a cab”
“I could have. But how will then people know about my sacrifice to you?”
“Sorry to say that your sacrifice is of no use to me. I wanted you to buy a clay pot with a big mouth; you bought one with a small mouth and big hole at the bottom. The long stick which you were carrying was a tender bamboo plant and the one in the shoulder bag was a ginger plant.  I have to ask Ammini’s husband to get me a fresh set”
“Phoo, Nair? That guy with a big hole in his head?”
‘’I’m not worried if he has holes everywhere, as long as he gets me a pot without holes. For your information, the milk when boiled should outflow the vessel; if it gets drained off through the bottom, it will only put off the flames”
‘’You didn’t tell me all these tricks earlier. It was your mistake”
“Indeed it was my mistake I married a man of super intelligence like you. Anyway, happy pongal, happy Samkranthi. Children are waiting for you on the terrace for kite flying. Join them. Kites are to fly high in the air; not meant to nosedive into the earth. Don’t blame me later, for not telling you in advance”
“Don’t I know even that basic principle? I’m like a kite flying high in my wisdom and you are like a clay pot with a big hole at the bottom, which drains all the wisdom I have poured into your head”
“’That is OK; hold the thread in your hand and leave the kite to fly- upwards!”

“Ammalu, God came in my dream last night and said, ‘you are the master of your house and NOT Ammalu. Convey this message to her”. I am hereby conveying the message of God; the rest, up to you”
“The God came in my dream too and gave the same message. Here is my first demand notice. Rs. 48, 50,000 for the 40 years, 4months and 15 days I have served you. This is towards my fees for cooking, cleaning vessels, washing clothes, sweeping the floors, mopping and other house maintenance activities @ 1 lac per annum. The other charges mainly bringing out your children, raising them up etc is being calculated by my auditor and I will let you know the amount in due course. Once you settle my dues, I won’t stay a minute more in this house. You can look for another woman.”
“The God, before leaving, also told me, “SP, don’t take my words serious. I was joking . As a matter of policy, the Heaven don’t allow a husband to be the master in his own house. He would have told you too the same, try to recollect, Ammalu”
”He didn’t”
”That is OK. You got the message now from me. Bye the by, did He teach you the Multiplication table? Your calculation is so accurate”
“To manage a husband like you, why only multiplication? I have to learn many more applications”
 

”Ammalu, our Vijay asks,’Is it not time to share with your friends the secret of your youthfulness?’”
“What did you reply?”
”I told him, ‘Ammalu keeps me nagging throughout the day, which keeps me awake and active. He was happy with my answer. Then he asked, ‘what is the secret of Ammalu’s youthfulness?’ I replied, ‘ I keep her nagging throughout night and that keeps her young and elated’”
”Was he happy with your reply?”
“He was, but not his wife. She will call you soon”
”She has already called and asked me to keep you locked in your bedroom at night and keep the key with me”
” What about your nagging me throughout the day?”
”That is just to keep you young, as admitted by you and appreciated by Vijay”
”But without my nagging, how can you retain your youthfulness?”
” We, women have a hundred other ways, whereas you men have only one.”

“Ammalu, I prostrate before your mother, as she is a mother in law and all mothers in law are venerable. She is your mother, which means she is my mother in law and therefore all the more venerable. But, if you expect me to fall at your feet, as you are the daughter of my mother in law, you are wrong; you are insulting me. You are ignoring my studies. You are ignoring my status in the society ”
” Words, words, words and nothing else.  Come to the point if you have any and tell in a few words”
“OK, Here is my point. Why did you ask me to bend before you?”
” For adjusting the lower edges of my sari”
”Why me and not you?”
”I have a back pain. Do it fast please. I have adjusted the camera timer”
”Why camera?”
“Our club is bringing out a magazine for Vishu and we want a cover- picture. My friends say that you have the ideal photogenic face for that ”
”Then click my face. Why the back of my head?”
”Your brain is there. My friends say that your brain is indomitable”
”Why should you friends say all. Why don’t you, on your own, say something?”
” I will be proud if my friends see you adjusting the lower edges of my sari”
”Go ahead. Reset the camera timer”
 
Baltimore,
Jan 03, 2014
 

“Happy New Year, Ammalu. My New Year vow- not to waste my time talking to you.”
”I can’t ask for a better New Year gift from you. Thank you. Happy New Year”
“Now it is not me but my new discovery that  is talking to you; my science is talking to you”
” I don’t talk to strangers”
”Ammalu , this pertains to you; You have to hear. There is a hole in your intelligence!”
”Is that your new discovery?”
“It is, it is”
”Thank you for another New Year Gift. You admit that I am intelligent!”
”But, what about the hole?”
”Who cares? As such, there are so many holes on the body. Let there be one more.”
” The other holes have some purpose. The new one I discovered is a vacuum. How do I explain to you? Soonyam”
” Oh, then the matter is serious. When I started from my house along with you, over thirty years ago, there were holes only on my body, like anyone else. The new hole is the result of your drilling your ideas into my head all these years. What a pity! What a waste of labor! Your indisputable knowledge and irresistible efforts in channeling that knowledge into my head could only result in the creation of a vacuum! How do I explain? Soonyam!”