Shivam Diaries

Category: A10 — AMMULU STORIES AND OTHER FUN FOUNTAINS

  • Ammalu is always right

    ”Ammalu, be prepared to laugh and roll on the ground. Our Ammini is pregnant”
    ”Had you told me that her husband Nair is pregnant I would have rolled on the ground laughing.  Anyway, you got your message wrong. Her daughter is pregnant”
    “But Ammalu, it is Nair who gave me the news”
    ”Didn’t you quarrel with him yesterday and scream in anger, ‘’are you a man, Nair?’
    He wanted to prove that he is one. Don’t take him seriously.”
    “What else is serious if not Ammini carrying at a wrong age, Ammalu?”
    “Your believing what he said and passing it on  to me”
    ——————————————————————————————————————-

    “’I spend the whole day uttering ‘Rama, Rama, Rama’ .Rama does not appear before me.
    At times, in dream, I call unknowingly, ‘Bhamaa!’At once, my wife appears with  Kothandam , Parasu and  halam.
    If Sree Rama, Parasu Rama and Balrama do not want to respond to my call it is  OK. But why should they lend their destructive weapons to my wife?’ ”
    “Don’t know who said these words, but believe me Ammalu, it was certainly not me”
    ”Certainly not you, I know that you know, I don’t need any of those weapons to face you.”
    ————————————————————————————————————————————
    “At times, I feel that it was good that I married you. The way you dress, the way you talk, walk, write, laugh, snore -there is the innocence of a child and simplicity of a village folk, combined with some fun at every Act. Life therefore is not monotonous. When our children wish on phone, “Amma, have fun”, I tell them, ‘what other fun I need when I have your dad with me?”
    ”I am proud of that, but why that ‘at times’ adjective, Ammalu?”
    “Because, sometime you speak like a saint or a scholar and I look at you in awe without following a word.
    You, then, seem to be too tall for my height”

    ——————————————————————————————————————————————
    “Could you please write for me, a love letter urgently, please?”
    “Have you gone insane, Ammalu? Is this the age for us to exchange love letters?  I didn’t write one to you, even during the spring, when you were blooming with fresh foliage. Will I now, when you are like a Maple in winter and I continue to be like an ever green Pine?”
    “No time to argue with you on your senseless similes.  An elderly woman known to me is lying in a critical state in the hospital and her one disappointment is that she never received a love letter. I consoled her telling a lie that she did receive one and it was delivered to me wrongly, long ago. I can write one but you being an expert in fake materials, thought I would seek your help. Please write one, immediately”.
    ”OK, if that will save the life of a friend of yours, yes. Wait for a minute”
    “I don’t think it will save her life but at least she can go to the other world peacefully. Otherwise that soul may have to come back to the earth again and wait for a love letter.
    “OMG, is this the way to write a love letter?
    ‘Safe’ on the left, OM at the center, place and date and the right, Subham bavathu below that, Kuladevatha, Gramadevatha, Pardevatha sahayam and other prayers and blessings next to that? Is this a pre-wedding invitation or a post wedding greeting?
    Pause–
    Oh, wait a minute. I think I adore the way you address your imaginary lover.
    “The Divine beauty in the form of a human marappatchi( a small wooden statue in human form, not carved to scale, kept along with other dolls in the Navaratri display) .
    There is no need to read further. That ‘Marappatchi’ alone will make my friend to laugh if there is a pint of air left in her lungs. Her ambition for a love letter will be quenched forever and her soul if it goes up, will never think of coming down fearing another love letter.”

    —————————————————————————————————————————————————–
    ” Ammalu, when I came to see you  in your house, along with my parents , for the first time, which merit of mine became the deciding factor in my favor-_ my  irresistible personal charm, irrevocable moral status,  enviable erudition, commendable communication skill,unequivocal  status in the  society ?”
    ”None of the above, though you had all those in abundance”
    ” I am sorry I could not list all my virtues and values now.  But tell me one specif attribute of mine which attracted you all in the family and prompted your father to declare in the open assembly, at the top of his voice,’ SP, my daughter needs you, we all need you?’ ”
    ” You enjoyed the sweet and other snacks served, as if you were seeing them for the first time and we were happy about that. But when you removed from your shoulder bag a steel dabba and asked my mom to pack the left over, from the plate, we were stunned. Your mother’s f ace turned blood-red , your father pinched your lower back, your sister gave you a concealed but strong punch, your friend whispered ‘vadikettina madaya'( fool of an ass) , your colleague Ammini pulled your hand down, saying, ”SP sir, vidditham officeil pore-?   Reserve your crankiness for the office’ etc etc.But one person in our group, my grand pa was immensely pleased with your act, dragged us all to the inner room and advised,
    ” Never lose this boy . He is so informal to ask for a carry-home -tiffin supply.  I am told that the practice in the US restaurants is that the leftover food out of what you have ordered is packed and handed over to you in a carry bag, on your demand. When he goes to USA, He will definitely follow this practice thereby saving money and labour for Ammalu for half a day”, .Patty, my grand ma, endorsed his advice and added, “Be glad that he did not ask for a carry bag; wisely, he brought a vessel with him. Admire his intelligence; grab him for our Ammalu, before someone else snatches him away. ”
    ———————————————————————————————————————
    “What happened? Why did you return so soon?”
    “I met Ammini in the bus stand and she tells me that I look great. Came running to tell you that, Ammalu.”
    “Thank God, there were no bus stands in our town some 40 years ago and there was no Ammini, when you chose me as your wife.”
    ———————————————————————————————————————
    Comments:
    SP,
    You are a “Self Dubba”, I always enjoy your sense of humo(u)r.  Praying you both a very long married life.
    Love,
    Ravi and Geeta
    Chicago.
    —————————————————————————————————————————————————————————-
    Some of the restaurants in Mumbai do not look upon the request to pack up the left over, favorably, though a vast majority of restaurants do not murmur. Be that as it may,  there are other significances too.  The request to pack the left over shows our concern for food waste. Why to leave behind what legitimately belongs to us?  The steel dubba confirmed that the food would be consumed conveniently later and would not be thrown in the dustbin. To crown them all, my friend Shri Perinkulam Sivasubramaniam may have felt,” they may or may not offer me Ammulu.  Why not take with me at least what is already offered”?
    A lovely story almost in an epigrammatic style.
    V.Mahadevan

    —————————————————————————————————————————————————————————-

    “Ammalu, quite unfortunately, unintentionally, unexpectedly, my hand rubbed with a lady’s back, while traveling in a heavily loaded bus and I came running to share my sincere regrets on my wrong doing with you and seek your pardon.”
    ” You are unnecessarily tormenting your pure heart. The bus was jam-packed, your action was unfortunate, unintentional and unexpected. And many men of your age in a crowded bus have done the same mistake in the past and will continue to do in the future.  Instead of coming running to report to me, you could have said ‘sorry’ to that lady and forgotten  that innocuous  incident”
    ” I did say sorry to her but I can’t forget that incident, Ammalu”
    “Why, may I know?”
    ”That good lady replied: ‘That is OK, You are Ammalu’s husband, right? She has told me about you. Please come to our club this evening so that I can introduce you to my friends”
    I am worried what you told  her about me and how will be her  introductory speech”
    ” Don’t worry, You know that I speak only truth about you or about any other person”
    ” Truth, at times, is unfriendly Ammalu and that exactly is my worry. And how will be her introduction?”
    “She speaks less. Might say that your action was ‘unfortunate, unintentional, unexpected’. She might also say, ‘if I happen to be in the same bus along with him, next time, his action won’t be totally unexpected, for me”’
    ————————————————————————————————————————————————

    ” Ammalu, while stitching shirts for me now on, see that a label with my name is attached “
    ” You are worried, I might use your shirts?”
    ” Not exactly.  Hear, what I say carefully as your are the root cause.  My parents gave me a name, fairly long, on an auspicious day . There is a longer  name for me in all my offcial records. My fans all over the world call me by a short and sweet name. With all that, if I have to be known as, ‘Ammalu’s husband’, as I am now known, it is a disgrace for all those great men and women, who gave me a name with love and respect. wherever I go, everyone, even my fans, even a child of 6 or 7, calls me, by your name first, then adds my title but they never call me by my real name. You may be proud of that but not me. It is, in fact,  a shame for me. So, get my shirts stitched with my name label.”‘
    ”Why not I get the labels stitched on your pants too?”
    ”I did give a serious thought but decided against that. One has to bend his head to read the label, if it is in the front.  And if the label is attached to the back, they have to turn me and look at it. So, pant marks are  not advisable.
     Ammalu why are you in deep thoughts? Hesitating to pay 4  or 8 annas extra to the tailor?”
    ”Not at all. I would have even paid 12 annas if that coin is in circulation.  I am only wondering if your fans have to recognize you by your front label on the shirt , something is wrong somewhere. What it could be, I am searching for.”
    —————————————————————————————————————————————————————————-

    ”Ammalu, in the olden days, on husband’s birthday, wife used to prostrate before him and take his blessings. Either your mother did not teach you this good practice or you have conveniently forgotten it”
    ” Your birthday, today, is fake. You were not born on the day which is wrongly shown in all your records.  your suit is our son’s, not yours. Your  watch doesn’t show the correct time. Your kadukkans are not of gold. Your smile is only from your lips and not from your heart. Your stories are copied and pasted , not your original. Everything is fake about you.  How am I to worship you, my dear husband ? ”
    ”My dear wife, I am really your husband and not a fake. Why should you then bother about my other attributes and ornaments?”
    ” Wah, those words only you can say , I am now convinced that you are not fake. You alone  are  not fake.”
    ————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————

  • A stranger came

    A stranger came home the other day and said he wanted to talk to me on an important issue.
    ” Please come in; let us talk over a cup of coffee”, I welcomed him.
    After enjoying the coffee, he asked for some snacks too, which I gladly provided.
    After enjoying my hospitality, he looked at my face and said tersely,
    ” you are not a big man as you wrongly think  you are.”
    How big a truth and how calmly he says, I wondered and asked him, ” Have you come all the way to tell me this ?You could as well have told me  over phone ?’
    ” No phone at home .”
    ‘”Public booths?”
    ” Money ?”
    ” How far is your house and how did you come?”
    He gave the name of a place 10 KM away and said  he came by  walk.
    ”No public transport  from your house?”
    ” Money?”
    ” Take this cash. This will cover the cost of bus fare to your place and also the cost of  food  for this night”
    I gave him a 100 rupee note.
    He grabbed the currency and looked at it contemptuously .
    ”A hundred rupee note! Tsu, you are a kanjoos, a miser. that is why I said that you are not a big man”.
    I went to the next room and called a Psychiatrist known to me and told him, ” I am sending you a patient for you immediate attention”
    ”Money?” he asked first and then inquired ”, is he a guy with black beard and white hairs?”
    I confirmed.
    “It was I who sent him to you as I could not handle him”, he replied.
    What to do? How to get rid of this nuisance? I thought for a moment and told him.
    ” I have some urgent work in the garden.  My wife will come now and you can discuss your problems with her”
    “‘Ammalu manni ?” He inquired, fear and  anxiety, tormenting his face and before I nodded my head to say, ‘yes’,  he sped with the speed of light.
    I picked up the hundred hundred rupee note, which he left on the floor .
    ” Money ! That is my fee”, claimed Ammalu from the kitchen.
    “Your fee, for what ?” I asked her, “What is your contribution?”
    “My name”, she said softly.
    “What’s in a name?”, asked Shakespeare. But,  that was before  Ammalu was  born .
    ====================================================================================================-=
    Comments:

  • Ammalu is always right

    “Ammalu, had I not married you, what would you have done?”” Would have married another boy, selected by my father”
    ”Your heart is made of unpolished granite stone . I expected you to say that you would have waited for another seven births, to become my wife”
    ”I would have waited no doubt, had you not picked up the coin  which fell accidenly from my father’s pocket”
    “But I gave that coin to you; I didn’t pocket it”
    ”You did so because on the previous day, you went to see another girl in our street and pocketed the ten rupee note which again accidentally fell from her father’s pocket; Bhavani collected it forcibly from you and went inside, saying ‘bye, bye’ to you”.
    ” So, you knew everything about that incident including Bhavani’s ‘bye, bye’ leave taking ?”
    ”Yes, I did. That was why I asked my father to keep a small coin in his shirt pocket and not a big note”
    ===============================================================================

    “ Did you tell Ammini that my father begged you with folded hands, to marry me?”‘’Yes, I did.  What is wrong in that, Ammalu? Did he not stand before me with folded hands like Hanuman before Sree Rama ?”
    “ He did, but for what? Not with a request for marrying me, but to request you not to talk to us in  German or French. He did so, to plead with you to behave like other youngsters of the day and not to stare at me as if you were seeing a girl for the first time in life. He did so, to make you understand that when a girl was asked to sing, no prospective bride groom would sit near her and sing along with her. And also to laugh at your claim that you had played violin for the great Thyagarajaswamy. ”
    ===============================================================================
    “Everyone in this town, except you, talk high about me, Ammalu ”
    ” That shows that I am the only one who think high about you ”
    =======================================================================================
    “For every good person, there are a hundred bad persons in the world, Ammalu ”
    ” Within every good person live a hundred bad persons. What say, my dear husband ?”
    “Thalli, eami cheppalae ? Nee matta Deva vaakyam ”
    =======================================================================================

    ” Haven’t I told you, not once but more than a hundred and odd times , that I don’t need your help in cooking ?  In my absence  from the kitchen for a short while,  you cut the entire stock of green beans in the fridge, lengthwise !”
    “Ammalu, you know that I believe doing things in a different way. I stand aloof from the crowd and above them. You simply swim with the flow; I swim against the current.
    And madam, may I know why you are turning your face away from mine ?  When someone speaks to you, you should face him . I know that you don’t  have enough materials for an intelligent debate with me, but wish, had at least the  courtesy of not showing me your back   Poor grasping power; poorer manners.”
    “Just trying to do things  in a different way.”
    =======================================================================================
     
    Ravanan kidnapped Sita and kept her in his garden for months together. If I just peep into Ammin’s house, innocently, on my way back from the temple and say hello to her in a most decent way, why are you whistling like an overheated  prestige pressure cooker, Ammalu?”
     
    ”Reason is simple. I am worried about your health. Ravana had ten Strong heads , twenty mighty hands  which could play football with a huge mountain, immeasurable wealth and innumerable warriors to fight for him and many other strong points. You will fly away like an autumn leaf, if Ammini just stares at you .
    And another important point: I am Ammalu and not Mandodari, who stopped with just a rebuke.
    ++=====================================================================================
     
    ” Pattabhi is a decent man; Ammini is a very decent lady; Nair is—-”
    ”Why do you tell me all these?”
    ”Just to bring to your notice that all my friends are decent gentlemen and ladies”
    “In what way I am concerned about them, my dear husband. As long as they behave decently with me,
    I am OK with them . They know me well and they know how to behave with me.  My concern, my dear husband, is only about you and I know you are a decent man, though at times, your mind wanders through narrow lanes, what they they call here ‘exits’, for a very short time and quickly returns to the highway.”
    ” Oh, what a shame  Ammalu! You are admitting  that you have control only over my body and money movements and not on the  movement of  my mind, right?”
    ”Even you have no control over the movement of your own  mind; my husband! Then where am I ?”
    ==============================================================================================================================
     
    =

  • Ammalu is always right

    • ” Ammalu, what is that ‘tub’,’tub’ noise from Pattabhi’s house ?”” He is washing clothes by beating on a stone “”Kyom ?””Pattu gave him a punishment for telling a small lie “” He never tells small lies. What was that ?”
      ” He told his wife,’ I love you ”’
      ” My friend would have mistook Pattu for someone else. Long ago I asked him to get his cataract removed. Anyway, you don’t go near him. He might tell you the same ”

    ====================================================================

    ”If you won’t mistake me,  Ammalu manni, I will reveal a secret about my classmate, SP””Go ahead; let me know what you know about my husband, more than I do””SP is a gentleman”” That is an undisputed fact which I am hearing from him, every morning and evening.
    If that is all what you know about him, let me continue with my routine”‘”One more thing. He never used to raise his head when any girl student came across”
    ” How long did you study together?”
    ”Four years. in GVC Palakkad”
    ”I know him for the past 40 years and I believe every word of yours .
    Even now he doesn’t raise his head while doing any mischief”
    ==============================================================
    ” Ammalu, a good news. The Goddess came in my dream last night and praised me. The level of my punyams due to the Navaratri poojas, has gone up and unfortunately, yours has come done. Poor thing, I pity you ”
    ”Thanks for telling me that. From this evening onwards no chundal, no payasam, no vadai for Ambal. I will shut the kitchen door, sit near you and share your punyams”
    “Ammalu, aren’t you Ambal in human form, as Devi told me in my dream?. Let the kitchen doors remain open. Punyams will directly flow from our kolu to you.”

    ” Why stand here? For men, it is the other other side “”I went there  Ammalu; it is written: Gentlemen””You got doubt whether you are a gentleman or not ?””I am a 100% gentleman since I met you”” Great! You have been a gentleman for 40 years, a rare qualification for any man.
    Please enter  that restroom, holding your head high”
    ========================================================================

    “Ammalu, see that couple before us, walking hand in hand, laughing and shaking their body. I envy them”
    “I can’t shake my body lest I might slip and fall and you can’t lift me. I can’t laugh also unnecessarily. But if it will please you, I can scratch your lower back, as we see youngsters doing here in public places. Shall I do?”
    “Crazy woman. Don’t bring your hand any where near me, back or front!”
    ==============================================================================
    ” If I sneeze, why should you rub YOUR nose?”
    ” Ammalu my eyes and ears are controlled by the aiding gadgets and mouth by you. Nose is the only things under my sovereignty. Should I not protect it? If I lose it, how will I identify you and your presence? “
    ” I understand that logic and am glad  that you are still in the process of identifying.”
    ===================================================================================”When you go for a walk , I address the lady accompanying you, ‘aunty’. What will be the reaction if it were Ammalu/Ammini?”” If it were Ammini, she will scream, ‘poi nintae baryayae aunty ennu vilikkada! -Get lost and call your wife, ‘aunty’.
    Ammalu, will smile and say, ”uncle watch  your foot steps till you have your eye-glasses”
    ======================================================================================

    ————————————————————————————————–

  • Wife-battered life

    ”Enough of this wife-battered life”, my friend Pattabhi lamented when I met him an year ago and vowed in utter desperation,” if you want to  meet me next time, you should climb the steep Himalaya mountains or plunge into the deep Ganges”.
    ” Where is that good lady, your wife? I am not seeing her here”,  I inquired looking for her, in every corner of the house.
    “You call her a lady? She is a karadi, bear, who sucked honey form my bank and blood from my body”.
    He got up from his seat to emphasize his hatred for her and headed towards me as if I was  that carnivorous animal he wanted to do away with.
    I got up but  wanted to  explain to him that I am a different person, in fact his close friend and not his wife.
    Ammalu pulled my hand and said with a smile, ” he will recoup, this is a mild infection. Let us go”
    ”Mild infection!”, I chided her, ” it is a wild, incurable problem. He has thrown away his wife from home; they are never going to meet each other”
    She smiled again as if Pattabhi’s  problem was no problem at all and every morning and evening, she had been meeting such estranged couples.
    One year rolled by.  I wanted to go to my friend’s house and find out whether he had already left for the mountains but Ammalu said,” wait”.  So, I waited.
    This morning, he was waiting for the bus while I was passing through. Stopped my car, asked him to board. Thank God that he didn’t embark on his mountain expedition  or had come back, unable to bear the climatic conditions there. I was relieved. Wanted to enquire about his life  sans wife,  but Ammalu signaled, ‘wait’. So, I waited.
    ”Where do I drop you, Pattabhi?”, I asked when I was about to reach my destination.
    “At Kalyani Nursing home. Pattu has given birth to a girl baby and I want you to come along with me and bless the child” .
    I almost got up from my seat out of surprise and happiness but Ammalu signaled ‘wait’ and I waited.
    After blessing the baby and greeting the parents, I whispered into Pattabhi’s ear, ” glad that you saved me from the trouble of climbing the mountains or diving into the river. We could meet on a plane surface and that on a very happy occasion.”
    ”Anna, any problems which you don’t want to share with me?”, enquired Pattu. Before I wanted to reply her, Ammalu signaled ‘wait’. I waited. But, my friend answered: ” Anna seems to have some misunderstandings with Ammalu manni, but you don’t worry; that is a minor infection.”
    Infections are there every where, I thought and  raised my hand to slap that guy but Ammalu signaled,’ no’; so I kept quiet.
    After coming home, I casually mentioned to Ammalu, “enough of this wife-battered life. if you want to  meet me next time, you should climb the steep Himalaya mountains or plunge into the deep Ganges.”
    Her response was not encouraging: “Old man, don’t nourish any such ambitions. My reproduction cell is locked, sealed and abandoned”

  • Ammalu is always right

    ” ‘You are too modern, Ammalu is too conservative’, say my friends”
    ”No problem, SP. I will change in a jiffy”
    ” SP ? Jiffy?  What language is this Ammalu?”
    ”The first lesson in modernism . Shall we go to the next?”
    ” Let us remain illiterates but live in peace and dignity”
    ”Your friends?”
    ”I will tackle them”

    ==========================================================================================

    ” I bought this paper-back on basic English literature for you Ammalu, as you won’t be able to digest the thick bound volumes in my library.”
    ” ‘The most wretched and frail of all creatures is man, and withal the proudest. He feels and sees himself lodged in the dirt and filth of the world, nailed and riveted to the worst and deadliest part of the universe in the lowest story of the house, and most remote from the heavenly arch, with animals of the worst conditions of the three, and yet in his imagination will be placing himself above the circle of the moon, and bringing heaven under his feet’”You know, my beloved husband, who said that and if not , refer to the thick volumes in your library. And then, this:
    Oh, man, you may fly high, high and high and grab the moon to decorate your crown, but,  my beloved man, don’t try to pull down the heaven and spread it below your feet. For, I am that heaven that nourishes you, that gives you shine and rain”
    ”That second part I understood, Ammalu”
    ============================================================

    “I often wonder how I remain happy and healthy despite a married life lasting more than three decades, Ammalu””Simple: Healthy because of my food and happy because I don’t ask you to make that food”
    =====================================================================
    “Was it my round face or renowned scholarship, which attracted you Ammalu, to chose me as your husband?”
    ” 1.Even if your face were square, our wedding would have taken place.
       2. I didn’t choose you , you didn’t choose me ; our parents chose, we got married.
      3. I enjoyed you scholarship when you spoke to me in Sanskrit at our very first meet and others too would have enjoyed as they    knew    how bankrupt  I was in that language. In fact that was the best of your talks, till now,  I enjoyed most”
    ========================================================

    “It was a golden era, when wives used to receive husbands , returning home, at the front door, make them sit comfortably on a raised platform, wash their feet with clean water, apply sandal paste and worship with flowers. Hei, where are you going Ammalu?”
    ”To get clear water, sandal paste and flowers”
    ”That is OK, you can do it next time. Now you just address me respectfully”
    ” By your name as in the passport?”
    ”Oh, that will be tiresome for you. You can use a shorter version”
    ”SP Sir, as Ammini calls you?”
    ” You are not Ammini and that is too formal”
    ”Just SP ?’
    “You are not my classmate”
    “Natha! following the heroins of the epics ?”
    ”Outdated”
    ”Then tell me then, how I should address you”
    ”Considering all the other options, I feel that the way you address me now is the best”
    “Thank you ; that was how your and mine mothers and grand mothers and their mothers and grandmothers used to address their husbands”
    “Ammalu!”
    ”Natha!”
    ”Will you stop that nonsense? Serve food please.”
    ”Clear water, sandal paste and flowers?”
    ”Pour on my head. You naughty woman. Hunger is eating my intestine”
    ==============================================================================

    konjam common sense kammi
    ————————————-
    ” Ammalu, three days, just three days after we were married, I realized the greatness of God in match-making. How He had found a receptacle to pour my  over-flowing intelligence and  accumulated wisdom!”
    “For me it took less than an hour to realize God’s match-making skill. On the eve of our wedding, when we met for the first time, without any introduction, you straightaway, gave a lecture about your assumed adventures with unborn girls in your college .My mother was taken back and  whispered into my ears, ” are you sure you can handle this guy?”
    I replied, ” I can Amma, konjam commonsense kammi- commonsense is wanting and I can load him with that.”
    ====================================================================================
    ” Can I sit here in the kitchen watching the beauty of your handling big and small utensils, Ammalu?”
    ”Certainly no, my dear husband,  If you want me to cook for the Uthradam feast for your dozen friends.”
    “I actually came here for–”
    “Tell me in one word what you want, please”
    “you.”
    ” Excuse me, say  again.”
    “Water”
    ===============================================================================================

  • Ammalu is always right (contd)

    “I was casually going thorough an old ledger and found that a sum of Rs. 500.00, promised by your father, towards dowry is still
    outstanding. I am mentioning this just casually, Ammalu. ”
    ” You have seen only one side of the register. In the next page there is a debit entry of Rs. 4500.00 . When none from South Malabar, North Malabar, Cochi and Travancore came forward to give you a girl, Appa, considering our relationship with your family, agreed for our wedding. Overjoyed, Our Appa, your dad, instantly handed over Rs. 5000.00 to my dad. Then Appa said, “your son, probably without your knowledge, had asked for a dowry of Rs. 500.00, which I am retuning from the amount you have given now.”
    This explains that RS. 4500 .00 debit entry, in case you are not aware of it.”
    “Ammalu, I am really surprised. Never expected you to talk so much and so eloquently.”
    “When it is the question of saving the parental prestige, even a dumb woman will become eloquent”
    “Dumb, of course, dumb! You are a bomb,  Ammalu, bomb!”
    =======================================================

    ”It is raining cats and dogs. I can’t go out. Shall I sing to entertain you, Ammalu?”” I am delighted. However, have some urgent work with Ammini; will be back soon”
    ” Ammini called just now to inform that Nair is singing and she is heading towards our house”
    ”What else will the poor wives do if the husbands fail to choose better entertainments, while the weather is conducive !”
    Hei,wait a minute! You suggest we play chest?”
    ”No, football!”
    =========================================================

    “Onasadya was adipoli. Everyone praised me for my skill in the culinary art. Thanks a ton, Ammalu””Wonder why you thank ME if they praised YOU!”
    ”You know I believe in sharing all good things with you”
    “OMG, I bow before that skill of your tongue in claiming credit for a merit which you didn’t deserve and partaking a portion of the credit to the one who alone deserves the whole”
    ========================================================

    ”Ammalu, see whether you like this Kerala sari, with golden borders, I bought for you as my Onam gift”” Did you take Ammini with you for selecting the sari?”
    “No, why?”
    “Please take her and return this . What you have bought now is an 8 yards dothi with golden borders and not a sari. Ammini will cover up your blunder, more effectively than me.
    =====================================================
    For the first time, I am seeing a sheen on your face, Ammalu”

    ”Thanks for looking at my face for the first time”========================================================
    “Soft-spoken women need not be always good-speaking wives, Ammalu”
    “Soft-spoken men, if there are any, always are good-speaking husbands”
    ============================================================

  • Ammalu is always right – contd

    “You are blooming. What is the matter? Did Ammini say that you are the most eligible bachelor in the world ?”
    “She was about to say that but had a choke in the throat. She simply said that I am the best husband”
    “That idiot should say that to her husband and NOT to MY husband”
    ————————————————————————————————————————–
    “Why that mischievous smile?”
    “Imagining how your face will look if you wear jeans and T shirt”
    ” Imagine how YOUR face will look”
    ——————————————————————————————————————————–
    “Have we met somewhere, madam? Your face seems to be very familiar”
    “Man, I am your wife for 30 long years and what is wrong with you today. Who has cast an evil-eye on myhusband?”
    ”I am so sorry, Ammalu. My eye sight is failing  briskly, don’t know why”” That is a cause for concern. Do one thing; sign all these cheques. Who knows
    tomorrow, it might further deteriorate”” But how do I sign when my eyes could not recognize my dear wife of 30 years ?””No problem. Here is the stamp pad. You can affix your thumb impression”
    “How do I find my thumb”
    ”Don’t worry;  I know where your thumb is”
    “Hei, wait a minute. Who placed Ammini’s photo in my cheque book”
    “Who said that is Ammin’s photo? It is my photo”
    “You think I am blind Ammalu ? ”
    ”So, you are sure it is Ammini’s photo and not mine?”
    ” I am, I am, I am”
    ”OK. Give back the cheque books. I need not worry about your eyesight for another 10 years.
    ————————————————————————————————————————

    “Ammalu, why don’t we sit calmly in a place and discuss about the ways to have more peace, more happiness, more—“
    “Look, I don’t think we need anything more now; in fact we need something less- your talk and nagging me for small, small requirement of yours soap, bath towel etc so that I can attend to more important work”‘
    “You already have enough of ‘mores’; why again ‘more’ for you?”
    “I simply love your such talks, more and more”

    ————————————————————————————————————————

    ” on one hand , just on one hand, if I tattoo, how will I look, Ammalu?’
    ” On my back, just only on my back, if I tattoo and wear a back-opened blouse, how will I look?”” Have you gone mad?’” Move a bit please; let me tattoo the floor and front doors first for the Janmashtami festival, before I turn to tattoo your hands or legs”
    —————————————————————————————————————————

    ” Whenever I talk about Ammini or Sundari, why are you looking at the ceiling
    or floor ? Why don’t you look straight at my face?”
    “Wherever I turn, up, sides or down, I see nothing but your charming face and sparkling eyes,  Ammalu”
    “Oh, man ! what an enchanting eloquence! what an enviable escape route!”
    ——————————————————————————————————————————–
    ” I have a feeling that in this house, my silence and soft-talks are mistaken for my weakness. If you don’t know the meaning of my words, Ammalu, refer to Oxford Dictionary ”
    ” Only you and me are there, in this house. So, I have a feeling that your complaint is against me. Anyway get ready. Let us go”
    ”Where to ?”
    “To get a thicker lens as the present one is too weak for you. It was a mistake, last time, we went for the cheaper ‘Si’ lens. We should also try to get some hard discs which will convert  your soft talks to harder ones”.
    “Ammalu, you make me go crazy”
    “What else a wife is for?”
    ” Oh, my God, you don’t need a Dictionary; you  can write a dozen. I used  the word ‘crazy’ in its simplest form. I can’t afford to go crazy at this age; and you too, I presume.”
    “I have a feeling in this house—“”
    “Ammalu, please don’t have any feelings. As you correctly said, you and me are alone in this house.”
    ————————————————————————————————————————————————
    ” I never knew that I was marrying an incompatible partner, Ammalu”
    ” I knew”
    —————————————————————————————————————————————————
    ” I’m a very honest husband. What say, Ammalu?”
    ” You are indeed a honest husband. And that is why I”m here.”
    ” Why did you remove that adjective? A miser you are.”
    “There are only two types; honest or dishonest. good or bad. I don’t see anything beyond that.”
    ———————————————————————————————————————————————————
    ” Ammalu, sometimes I forget who I’m”
    “Not a big problem”
    “Sometimes, I forget who you are”
    “Not a big problem there too. The real problem will come only if I forget who YOU are ”
    —————————————————————————————————————————-

     

    –

    ————————————————————————————————–

  • Ammalu is always right (contd)

     

    ” Aren’t you talking a bit too much , since we came here ?”
    ”Ammlu, unlike you, I have with me a treasure trove of wisdom to be passed on  to  people”
    ” I know you have; but this is a wrong place. This is a clinic where people, like you, have come to get their ears tested or to buy hearing aids”
    ——————————————————————————————-
    “‘Ammalu, that woman walking along with that man is his wife or mother?”
    “Is  she your wife or mother?”
    “No”
    ”Then, why are you concerned? Keep walking”

    ——————————————————————————————–

    “Ammalu, this is between us; the old lady in our side portion, is pregnant ?”
    “It is not between us; it is between she and her husband. Anyway, as you are curious, she is not old and she is not pregnant.”

  • "How will I live without you?'

    ” I simply don’t like your saying,’  I love you, I can’t live without you’,  and all such rubbish ”
    “Why Ammalu ?”
    “As there is no other way for you but to love me, as you have married me ”
    “It is not necessary for me to love you just because I married you!”‘
    ” It is necessary as you need coffee soon after you get up in the morning and soap and towel, soon after you enter the bath room.”
    ” But how will l live without you Ammalu ?”
    ” By making coffee for another woman and standing with towel and soap at the bathroom door.”