Category: A10 — AMMULU STORIES AND OTHER FUN FOUNTAINS

“I had to bow my head in shame when Ammini asked,’what are you doing all the time sitting at home SP Sir? Braiding Ammalu’s hair?”

“Was Nair there, when she chided you?”

“Yes, he was there”

“And he didn’t say a word to support you?”

“No, he was busy braiding Ammini’s hair”

“How intelligent Ammini is! That is how one woman helps another woman, one wife helps another wife. That is how they teach husbands like you, through visual and verbal aids. Yesterday, observing a wound in my hand she decided to tell you, to help me. Her questing to you was in fact, a suggestion, a request.”

“How did she knew the time of my visit, to ask Nair to sit behind, holding her hair? Or was he sitting behind her, right from the morning to give a visual effect?”

”Why didn’t you ask her that question on the spot, instead of bending your head in shame, when she asked you, were you sitting braiding your wife, the whole day?

A tiger before me, you turn into a mouse before Ammini”

”Ammalu, why all these visual and verbal weapons and virtual attacks on me. You could have asked Ammini to braid your hair till your wound is healed “

“I wanted Ammini to enjoy her husband sitting behind and balding her hair”

“Oh, that is how one woman helps other; one wife helps another wife!”

“You got it right. The comb is in the first drawer of the mirror table”

“Ammalu, when I walk towards the Vishukani, closing my eyes, my sight has improved nowadays”

“Sight, with closed eyes?”

”You started arguing right from the New Year dawn ! Now on, the whole year, you will continue with such useless, merit-less, value-less arguments”

“When you shut your eyes, you are sightless temporarily. One doesn’t need a University degree and three PG diplomas to say that, to know that”
“Ammalu, the problem with you is, that before I complete a sentence, you intervene unnecessarily.I wanted to say that,compared to last year, I am now able to walk more confidently, when I shut my eyes”
“Oh, there are two reasons:
1.I am holding your hand more firmly now as you have added one year to your age since the last Vishu.
and
2.This year, the power cuts were for longer duration and your system is better tuned now to walk in darkness”
“The second point I agree to. Regarding the first point, I have a small query: Has your age come down now by one year, since the last Vishu, madam?”
”It has, in fact. When I have a husband like you, nothing goes up, including my age”
“What other Vishukaineettam do you need, my queen! Come and hold both hands firm. Let us dance and celebrate the Vishu.”
“Power cut?”
“Merrier!”

” Ammalu, while organizing Vishukkani, keep 3 pieces of one Rupee coins in a silver bowl. One Rupee for you and the rest for Ammini and Nair if they come to take my blessings tomorrow morning”

“Even for your best friend Ammini, you will give only one Rupee as kaineetam!?

“When it comes to the question of parting with money, I don’t differentiate between a wife, however old she is and a friend, however close she might be”

“No wonder she told me yesterday,” instead of coming to collect SP Sir’s one Rupee kaineettam, I can go to KKAS”

“KKAS, what is that?”

“That is a new commercial service which helps to tide over the mosquito menace –, ‘Kerala Kosu adi samgham’. You simply go there with empty hands,stretching your palms straight and clap with a ‘thud’ sound. At least a dozen Mosquitoes get trapped, die and drop. You are paid a Rupee per mosquito, caught and killed, on the spot. No investment, no efforts, at least a thousand Rupees income in an hour”

“it is a herculean task, to be a husband; to be your husband, to be more specific, Ammalu. Do you know who was Hercules? How will you, poor thing? You don’t even know our own mythological characters. Hercules was a Roman hero, who carried the globe over his head ”
“Hercules is the Roman name for the Greek divine hero Heracles.
It was the Titan Atlas, from Greek mythology, who carried something very heavy, possibly the weight of the world, on his shoulders. It might be more accurate to say he carried the heavens on his shoulder.Hercules carried the weight only for a short while, when the Titan Atlas went to fetch the apples of the Hesperides,
When you can’t produce originals, at least copying should be done accurately, my learned husband”
“See how you argue unnecessarily, stupidly, arrogantly! That is why I say, it is a herculean task to be a husband, to be more specific your husband, Ammalu”
“Hercules was given “Twelve Labours”,which required twelve extremely difficult tasks, Shall I tell you what were those twelve tasks? ”
“Ammalu, please, please, spare me from any more tasks, burdens and mythology..Being your husband is the most easiest, pleasant task in the world, undoubtedly”

“How is that everyone praises me, Ammalu?”
“Who said so?”
” I have two ears energized by ultra modern aids which can receive and record even the whispers of your mom 20 km away from here, though Your mom never whispers; she always yells and that is another matter for discussion”
“Does my mom too praise you?”
“Undoubtedly, though she doesn’t do it openly”
“Even God is not praised by everyone and if that is happening in your case, there could be only one reason. They are expecting something or other from you”
“Your mother too?”
“Yes, she too”
“Ok , let me come to the main part of my question. Why are YOU NOT PRAISING ME?”
“Wah! you said it! And you claim that EVERYONE is praising you!”
“Ammalu, don’t be childish. You are not EVERYONE, YOU ARE A PART OF ME. YOU ARE ME AND I AM YOU”
“Awesome. So, you withdraw your question?”
“No, I modify my question. How is that you alone don’t expect anything from me, while even your mother ( who bluffs that she has left all her desires to God to meet whom she is waiting anxiously, which again is a lie) is also expecting something from me?”
“Answer is simple. I already had everything you had. Your life, your youth, your wealth, your good and bad days, your joy, your sorrow, your thoughts, your breath-everything. I have nothing more to expect from you and so I don’t praise you. Is it clear now, my beloved old man with poor eyesight and poorer insight?”
“My mind?”
“Come on; your mind is completely under my control. You don’t have even a millimeter of it with you!”

“I’ m successful in life not because I married you, Ammalu. What other
reason, guess?”
”Because you follow my advice, suggestions and cooperate with me in helping you”
“You mean to say that I have no intelligence of my own?”

“How lucky you are Ammalu, to live with a brilliant man like me, for four decades!”

“The morning Sun shines in your baby’s face” told an astrologer to my mom, when I was born. “He will rule half the world” he predicted and added in a sad voice,” but he will be fully ruled by his wife. The first part, unfortunately Ammalu, did not come true”
“Astrologers’ predictions are always half-truths. However, his poetical eloquence of your face is full truth. The Sun grew along with you and is still sending red hot rays from your eyes and red hot words from your mouth. Is that astrologer alive now?”
“Why Ammalu, you want to meet and honour him?”
“No, I want meet his wife and enquire about the second part of his prediction which you said, came true.”
“But Ammalu, how was that poor woman responsible for what her husband predicted?”
“There is always a woman behind every successful man”
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“Had you behaved like this with your parents, they would have thrown you into the mouth of a rakshasa”
” I did and they did”
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“Something is somewhere wrong in our relationship, Ammalu”
” I know”
“What you know?”
“What that something is and where it is . But it is late now to do anything about it ”
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