Category: A10 — AMMULU STORIES AND OTHER FUN FOUNTAINS

“Mouna vratam- the vow of silence is not just shutting the mouth and sitting in a corner
It involves controlling your mind from wandering into undesirable avenues”
“”I see.  it looks you have a remote sensor to know what happens in my mind, Ammalu?”
“Your eyes. I know every nook and corner, bumps and pot holes in your mind, by reading your eyes”
“Ammalu, your eyes!”

 
 
 

“Ammalu, you blame me unnecessarily.
Have you ever seen me raising my head and looking into the
eyes of any woman other than you?”
 
“You didn’t look even into my eyes before our wedding.
I had to hold your chin, raise your head before placing the
garland around your neck! The moment you made sure
that the garland was in its place, raised your head which
hasn’t come down a bit till now”
Cartoon courtesy: RamKi

 
“Any woman can live happily with one husband, but no man can. Why Ammalu?”
 
“For man, wife is only a coffee maker machine for happiness. He fears that it might fail any moment as all machines do. So, he wants a standby.
For woman, husband is a partner for life. For that, one man  is enough”
 
(Cartoon courtesy RamKi)
 

 
 

“Life is difficult, Ammalu”
“That exactly is why you are assigned to live it”
“Life is difficult to live with you, Ammalu”
“That exactly why I was made your wife”
“Which guy decided so, Ammalu?”
“Had I known that, you think I would be here?”
—————————————————————————
“When I look at your face, I want to look more, Ammalu”
“Too late. When your eyes were bright, you looked at walls, doors and windows”
“Ha, I won! I was afraid that you would say that my eyes, when brighter, were looking at Ammini, Alamaelu, Pattu et al. I have won, Ammalu”
“You haven’t. They are my walls, doors and windows”
——————————————————————————-
“In the old age, why don’t you sit in a corner, whispering Shiva, Shiva”
“Why don’t you do it, Ammalu? Are you a teenager?”
“I will . Let us see who cooks for you. Who spreads your bed and roll it. Who align your shirt buttons and adjust the borders of your dothi?”
“Are these big jobs worth listing and boasting? A hundred women are waiting to do these petty jobs, if you sit on meditation”
“Sure? On the first day, on the first hour, having come to know your behavior, they will lock you inside, keep the key safe in their hand bag and vanish”
“Why escape with the house key? Are they afraid that I will complain to the police? Why the punishment for arranging a simple make- shift?”
“No, the punishment is for me. For foolishly living with you for fifty long years, unmurmering “

This happened in a Chennai wedding, long ago. The boy was related to me. Like all other boys and girls related to me, this guy too was a good one, with clean habits.
After the wedding lunch, he casually opened a small packet of ‘Asoka’ scented nut power, a popular brand those days and emptied it into his mouth, which was almost opened all the time since two days, wondering what all wonders awaited him post wedding. Chewing two or three betel leaves along with a cut piece of arecanut or a pinch of its powder, after marriage feast, was in vogue those days, but the girl, who had become his wife a short-while ago did not approve of it. She appeared from nowhere and stared at the boy who had become her hubby a short- while ago.
“No”, she didn’t say but her eyes did. The boy shivered, looked at her pathetically as if she had noticed his winks at a girl in the crowd and blabbered, ‘’only today. I’m not habituated taking ‘supari’. In fact, I’m not habituated consuming even alcohol”. Some such silly words the newly wed boys used to blabber those days.
I have a habit of extending a helping hand to humbled husbands. I went to his rescue.
“He did it under my instruction’, I told the bride boldly looking at her. “The Sastras say, the bride groom, after lunch, should have a small dose of ‘Asoka’ nut powder”
When you go to help someone in trouble, there are always people who resist. “Did the Sastras specify the brand?” unnecessarily intervened an old man, seated next to me. The old men had that habit those days. Now I don’t know, as I avoid them.
“Yes”, I affirmed and quoted ‘Amara, Nirjara, Devaa ‘ slokam , which had nothing to do with the subject except that the first word has some resemblance with ‘Asoka’.
My friend, as I expected, didn’t know the meaning. The girl opened her mouth in amazement. “Uncle, there is another sloka starting with ‘Asoka sthAana sthara’ which too prescribes enjoying ‘Asoka’ nut powder. I am sorry, I forgot that Sastra stipulation”
But, there she was caught. The old man became alert. “That is from VishnusahasranAma, which is not a Sastra. SP quoted the correct apt one”. The great Bharthruhari had said that scholars, not those with gold armlets or neck chains, are revered, wherever they go. I wore neither armlets nor a necklace, but I had scholarship with me.
If you know Sastras and quote the appropriate prescription, you are bound to get support.
I have a habit of extending a helping hand to wives in trouble, too. I went to the girl’s rescue.
“Mahavishnu had two wives and therefore he had the habit of enjoying two brands of scented nut powder, ‘Asoka’ and ‘TArana’, post lunch. What other justification do you need?” I asked the old guy, who was inserting a big dose of black powder into his nostril. He sneezed out the whole powder along with some liquid forcefully, which spread on my shirt and discolored it. A good Samaritan should always expect some such punishments.
What happened to ‘Asoka’ and ‘ TArana’ in the privacy of the newlyweds in the new night, I didn’t know and was not my concern too.
Nor is yours, I hope!
 
 
 
“Give a handful from your plenty to those whose hands are empty”

Awaken by the autumn

It is all about letter writing.
—————————————
“Can you spare a few minutes for me, please?”
“To pull water from the well or to wet- grind for iddli, Ammalu?”
“A much simpler task..I have recovered a few handwritten letters from the archives. I will read the caption; you tell me the context. None of my friends could give me the correct answer. I’m sure you will, being the most knowledgeable among us”
“Thank you for accepting my knowledge status. Go ahead”
“Letter 1:
At the top center, the word OHM is written big.On the top left, the word ,’safe’ and on the top right, name of the place and below that the date.The letter starts with “‘Respected Madam’ and ends with ‘I remain, will remain ever, YOURS MOST OBEDIENT”
“It is a leave application, the promise of future obedience was unnecessary though.”
” Thank you.
Letter 2:
.
OHM in the top center, Below that ‘Mahaganapathayae namah’ and below that ‘avignamashtu’.,invocation to Lord Ganesh to remove obstacles. Below that ‘Sri Cherunetturi Bagavathy Sahayam’ invocation to the family deity seeking Her blessings for the success of the task in hand.. The four corners of the letter is yellowish, probably due to the the turmeric touch. The contents, I shall read latter”
“No need to take the trouble of reading the content. It is a marriage invitation . For your wedding,your father didn’t spend a pie for printing invitations and he posted post cards.That is why, you could not identify a marriage invitation letter”
” Thanks again, for remembering my father.
.
Letter 3: No caption.
In big letter,” My life savior, save me, save me! I’m sinking in an unfathomable, boundary-less ocean. Save me, Oh, Savior!
Below that pencil sketches of eye drops falling.’
” Ammalu,Some cranky fellow would have posted that letter in the letter box expecting that it would be delivered to the God. The world is never short of
undiluted idiots”
“Thanks again.
Letter 4:
This is on a stamp paper.
“Me——-, son of Sri.——–, now living in house no.—–in a village called —-under the Revenue territory of ——–, in —–Taluk, which was a part of —-Taluk, now a part of—–, in —-state, hereby solemnly declare that I”ll, from the moment this documented is signed by both the parties, self attested and registered,shall abide by all the conditions, stipulations, directions, orders in writing or verbal and————. — It goes like that”
“Ignore. Seems to be some legal document, Ammlau”
“Could be. Thank you. Now Letter 5:
.
pranamams or salutations :
I fall at the feet of your revered father..
I touch the feet of your most revered mother.
My salutations to other elders, in your family, living or left or likely to leave in the near future,
My salutations to the eight corners of your house.
My salutations to your main gate, entrance door, cattle shed, well and ventilators. And last but not least, my salutations to the soil on which you tread your lotus feet”
” Ammalu,this is from a samskrita hymn, Pranamasathakam. An ardent devotee would have written to his Ishtadevatha, favorite deity”
“Wrong, my dear husband wrong.. All these were the love letters, you had sent to your real or imaginary girl friends, during your college days. I too mistook those for wedding invitation, leave application etc till I picked up one, with a prominent central title, ‘LOVE LETTER’, artistically bordered and each letter painted in different colors.
I have not seen or heard about an young man prominently writing ‘love letter’ in the message he sends to his lover”
”Sorry, Ammalu, I agree that I should not have written those words in block letters”
 

After serving in Dubai for three years, when he returned home for vacation, he brought two golden necklaces, one each for his mother and wife.

The problems an over-obedient wife can create for you- just for fun. Read and forget, don’t carry home.
”Good morning, Sir. May I come in? I came to join your yoga class.”
“Please come in and take your seat. You look a bit worried. Anything wrong?”
“Nothing. I dropped my key ring. Looking around for someone to pick it up for me”
”It is there, on the carpet, right under your leg”
“Usually, I call my wife to pick up things which I drop inadvertently”
” But your wife is not here. That lady, coming out of the kitchen with your coffee is my wife and she won’t pick up your key ring. In fact, I pick from the floor everything she drops and there is a reason for that. Shall I pick up the key for you?”
“No Sir, I will do it”
.
”Have you sprained your neck?”
“No, Sir”
“Your teeth are in friendly terms with the gums?”
“Yes, Sir”
”If you are absolutely certain that your head or teeth won’t fall off when you bend, why are you hesitating to bow down and pick up the key?”
”No hesitation. I ‘m not used to. That is all. Anyway, I have picked up my key now ”
“Stand up on the floor, drop the key again and pick up. Drop and pick up like that, twenty times in two minutes”
“The yoga class has already started?”
“Yes. It has.”
“With no prayers, no pranayamam practice?”
“Yes. That is my way of teaching. If you dislike my teaching, you may withdraw”
“No, Sir. I won’t withdraw. Shall I drop the key again?”
”No need, if the count suggested is over. Go home, do everything on your own and don’t seek your wife’s help”
“But my wife is a very kind and considerate woman. She won’t allow me to do any of my personal routines”
“can you change her habit?”
”Has any husband succeeded in changing the habits of his woman?”
“Wise and valid question. Then, have another wife who will sit on your head, and not at your feet waiting for the fall of the car key”
“Has any husband been able to change his wife on his own volition?”
“Another wise and valid question. Remember one thing. Your wife is turning her body and soul fit like a fiddle by performing all physical activities at home while you are only blotting and aging faster than her. You know what happens if you age faster than your wife?”
“Now, you are asking me a wise and valid question, Sir. She might go away from me and sit on the head of someone else”
”Yes. You want that to happen?”
“No Sir”
“Then go home and–”
“Drop my car key twenty times and pick it up within two minutes, three times a day”
” Yes. The class went on well today. You can come again next Sunday. See you. Good bye”
”Sir I dropped the key again, inadvertently”
” I see. It has now become a habit for you. Don’t practice the same exercise at home and don’t wait till next Sunday. Come tomorrow itself by walk, so that there is no possibility of dropping the car key”
“Five miles by walk?”
”Yes, let me see whether that too becomes a habit. If so, you don’t need any yoga classes”
”And my caring and considerate wife will have no part in my walk thereby no chance of her become younger than me”
“Your mind too has become brighter by my lessons. Have always that fear so that you both will lead an active life”
”Isn’t it that fear behind your habit of picking up everything your wife drops on the floor, Sir ?”
“You said it”