‘Ammalu, there is a Brahma tejas, divine glow emanating from my face, say your friends. Sorry, they don’t say so about you and I feel sad about it’
‘I’m not an avathar of Brahma or Vishu unlike you and my shine was already dedicated to you, the moment I became your wife. This is not to say, though, that your shine is from my light’
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An index finger and Ammalu’s lucky number
The advent of ATMs has appreciably reduced the time we stand before the bank clerks. But I had an urgent work and stood before a clerk and asked him how my bank credit stayed stable for the past three months at Rs.1111.11. He didn’t bother to explain. Instead, he got up from his seat, saying, ‘will be back in just 5 minutes’. Perhaps fearing I wouldn’t have heard what he said, he raised his index finger towards me and disappeared.
I went to the next counter as I knew how long would be that ‘just 5 minutes’. He too got up saying, ‘ippudu osthanu’ – He was apparently in a hurry going by the speed he left, showing his index finger!
I went inside the chamber of the manager and told him the index finger incidents and asked, ‘what is happening in your bank?’
He didn’t answer but looked at me and said,
‘Wait here for just five minutes, please ‘
‘To the restroom?’
‘To the toilet. Where is time to rest during office?’,
hardly completed the sentence but was gone, showing his index finger, right before my eyes.
I went home and shouted at Ammalu as I do when I get angry and explained to her what happened in the bank
She was cool.
‘Your blood sugar level has shot up and the moment you went near the bank staff, they felt an urge to empty their bladder’
‘Ammalu, that is your play to avoid giving me sweets’
I threw the passbook at her face ( not exactly ) and asked, ‘tell me, where disappeared my monthly pension amount?’
‘ I have spent for home expenses , the major portion for your ‘murukkan’ ( betel leaves-supari- chew) but have left Rs.1111.11, safely and respectfully.
Pushing towards me, my inherited chewing pan – storing silver casket, she said, ‘ One (1) is my lucky number. I have only one husband and you’re that. I have only one god and you’re that! I draw money from only one bank account and that is yours’
I was overwhelmed by happiness. To be more accurate, I was excited and wanted to hug her, but resisted my temptation anticipating her reaction, which could be violent. But, I had the courage to tell her,
‘Ammalu, utilize the balance amount too. I know how costly things are these days’,
‘No, SP. The minimum balance has to be Rs.1000 in the bank. That is mandatory’
‘You’ll be still left with Rs. 111.11. Withdraw that and enjoy ‘
She didn’t answer, but raised her index finger towards me.
‘To restroom?’, I enquired.
‘No, SP. To show you my lucky number’
Imaginary relationship breaks like fried papods!
I got up from my front seat in the bus to provide accommodation for a lady, just out of courtesy and also paid for her ticket as a matter of respect for a graceful woman.
‘You’re great, I admire you’, she applauded and enquired,
‘Where do you stay, Sir?’
I told her the location along with street and door numbers.
‘Come to the Habsiguda Central Park and call my name. I’ll come running ‘
Came back home smiling with total satisfaction of gaining a new friend, a damsel directly from the heaven .
Waited for several days for her call from the Central Park , prepared to run. I was certain that we had become close friends, though we had met only once in the running bus for about ten minutes!
I made half a dozen trips in the same bus subsequently, hoping to meet her, all in vain.
I was about to go for a bus trip again when she did come home, holding a dog in one hand and a twenty rupee note in the other.
‘Hello, kind gentleman ! Here is your ten rupees returned with thanks and keep an extra ten, to pay for my ticket next time when we meet!
Imaginary friendship breaks like fried pappads
‘Ammalu, a Mahamuni says that beauty is to be appreciated, wherever it is found, even in a woman. What you say?’
‘Tell him that I never tolerate insensible talk even from my husband’
‘Ammalu, why drag me? It was my Guru who said that, not me’
‘Then, tell your Guru, to get married and tell his wife what he said to you, if he has guts!’
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Ammalu, is this the way to talk to a big man?’
‘Certainly not’
‘Then, why did you talk to me like that?’
‘As you’re not a big man; you’re my man’
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‘Ammalu, never, ever try to hide from me anything about you. I can read your face, closing my eyes’
‘I won’t as I know you’re an expert in reading, closing your eyes. You read the clinical thermometer reading very accurately as 108.4 and confirmed that you have high fever’
——————————————————
Ammalu, allopathy and homeopathy, no help. Consulted our Ayurvedam specialist Kottanchukkadhi vArier. ‘There is one remedy’, he says after referring to the Ashtanga hridayam Vydyasastram book.
‘Ask your wife to message your legs for 41 nights before going to bed. You’ll be cured In 41 days’
‘For such a simple remedy, should your Kottanchukkathi consult a big book? Come on, let us go to your bedroom’
S‘Ammalu, not now. Vaidyar said, ‘before going to bed at night’
‘Your AshtAngam is totally confused. If the treatment is for 41 nights, how can the pain vanish in 41 days? I’ll look for a better Vaidyar. Till then sit in a corner pressing your legs’
‘Ammalu, you have no business to stop my children talking to me’
‘I didn’t. They too are eager to talk to you, but you don’t give them a chance to talk. The moment they say ‘hello’ dad, you
repeat the same story about your glory, which they are well aware of. Right from your SSLC mark list they have every personal record of yours’
Ammalu, among my New Year Pledges, one related to you is, ‘how to improve my understanding about my wife?
In reciprocation, I too expect you to take a similar pledge. What you say?’
‘Nothing’
‘Say something , please’
‘OK. Even if we live together for another one hundred years, you won’t understand me. So, your pledge will be a waste.
About the reciprocality, I have understood you on the very first day of our marriage, when you cautioned me, even before tying the mangalasootram: ‘Keep an eye on the gifts you will be receiving. Your mom will quietly remove those”
———————————
’Wish you have remained as you were, when I married you, the soft spoken, sweet seventeen girl, Ammalu’
‘How could it be possible, SP ? I have grown old. I’m not like you to remain unchanged with the Irritating, illogical, eve-teasing , egocentric habits’
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‘Ammalu, come soon. I don’t find peace here at home or there. at the temple, Tell me where I should go and what I should do?’
‘Don’t go out. I can help you here, right here. I dropped a handful of fenugreek seeds into the coriander seed dabba, by mistake. Sit in the front hall for full Sunlight and separate the seeds.It will take an hour for you to complete the task and by that time food will be ready, along with that will come your peace too’
——————-
‘Ammalu, when I close my eyes, I see the beautiful faces of many of your friends, but not yours’
‘Not my concern. When your eyes are opened, if you see any face other than mine, give me her name in a sealed cover. The rest, I will do ‘
“SP, I sent you to our club to pass on an urgent message and not to give a talk. And what rubbish did you say there ?
‘A quote from your scholar husband, Ammalu’, they said and sent me this:
‘Take care of your husband. Take care of your ball point pens too.
If you don’t have a ball point pen, you can easily borrow one. If your husband is not traceable , you can’t borrow.
And remember refills available for ball point pen. Only for ballpoint pens’’
‘Ammalu, they gave me a standing ovation. They gave me big claps. ‘
‘Those claps were slaps on my face’
‘How, you were not there!’
‘Now, I’m here. I will starve you for the whole day. And I will throw away your books, iPad, iPhone and give you one ball point pen with a dozen refills’
‘Ammalu,, don’t you keep a spare key for our Godrej locker? Don’t you keep a spare gas cylinder in the kitchen?’
‘Yes, I do. Why, you want to keep a spare woman in the house?’
‘Ammalu, how silly you’re! Is it the way to talk to your husband?’
‘It is and I know your mind. If you want to have another woman, go ahead. But be sure that your body has the strength to face her hugs as well as her kicks. And remember hug is for the whole body and kicks anywhere on the body’
——————————————
‘Ammalu, with my unique intelligence, unparalleled wisdom, unalloyed capabilities, I would have gone up far, far high, but someone, (how to name that person?) is pulling me down’
‘I’m that ‘someone ‘. I’m pulling you down as It is not safe to go further up, as many satellites are moving around in high altitudes and I’m not sure how your unique intelligence etc, etc, will help you to avoid a celestial crash’
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‘Ammalu, our friends tell me that you too look of my age, though you are younger to me by more than ten years’
‘Be specific. Your friends or my friends?’’
‘Your friends, of course. My friends in fact appreciate your youthful appearance’
‘Thank you. You said it. Close the issue’
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‘Ammalu, you may forget your birthday, but not mine.. What special sweet, what special gift you’re presenting me on my birthday ?’
‘Anything you ask, SP. Anything you ask for. Today, only today’
‘Wha, how sweet your words are!
Your words are sweet. Your adaram maduram, your vadanam maduram’
‘Get up, hmm, get up. Sit before the picture of Lord Krishna and sing that hymn’
‘Ammalu, I sang it before you with a purpose ‘
‘I know that purpose. For sweets’
‘No, not sweets. How to explain to you?’
‘Shall I call my mom?’
‘Calling mom when I came near you was a sixty year old practice. Why now?
‘Madhuram Konjam jAsthiaayittuthu. Your maduram has gone beyond tablet level. Now, what you need is a shot’
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