Category: A10 — AMMULU STORIES AND OTHER FUN FOUNTAINS

‘Ammalu, I’m an old man, poet in heart. I see beauty in Nature, women, trees, hills, everywhere. You can’t ask me to close my eyes and walk on the street’.

‘I never asked you to close your eyes and walk on the street. I said, ‘shut your mouth when you see women’’

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Ammalu, did you notice in the Onam party, Ammini, Paru and Parukutti, all the three wore saris with the same border’

‘How do you?  They were sitting along with me and away from you’

‘I saw from the back, Ammalu’

‘Why are you still at their back? What is your age,SP?’

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‘Naathaa, naathaa, buy me a diamond necklace! Now, now, please. And take me to an English movie. Let us celebrate Onam in a grand way’

‘Stop that raspy barking of a funny fox’

‘As you wish. Shall I call you my Lord?’

‘Don’t open your mouth at all. Your silence for an hour  is equal to my pension amount for the whole year’

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Ammalu, standing mouth -opened like a statue at the entrance?  Come and collect these bags from my hands, you good-for-nothing old woman!’

‘SP, you went for Onam shopping wearing the 

Kerala sari Ammini gifted to me! You couldn’t differentiate a sari from your mundu, dothi? And I’m a good -for nothing?’

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‘Diabetes is dangerous with no treatment ; 

Wife is dangerous even with good treatment’

What do you say,  Ammalu?’

‘What to say? Your response to my treatment is poor and I should think of alternate methods to bring you back to normalcy’

‘Ammalu, you admit and you’re happy that I look much younger than you.  What do your friends say?’

‘My friends too admit but they are not happy’

‘Why Ammalu?’

‘They thought that you’re a baby and they can buy inchi mittai, ginger toffee for you’

Ammalu, my eyesight has become so poor that I lighted the agarbathi at the wrong end’

‘That is ok. But be  careful when you talk to my friends. Their eyesight is not as bad as yours’

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‘Allow me to go wherever I want to, allow me to do whatever I want to. Who’re you to stop me, Ammalu?’

‘Too late for you to learn who I’m, SP’

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‘My heart  is as big as our central hall. Ammalu, your  standing at the gate is not going to stop the entry of your friends, I like’

‘ I’m occupying the entire space of your heart SP, which you may not be aware of. Where’s space for another woman?’

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‘Ammalu, there is a bright chance of my receiving invitation for giving a katcheri at the Chennai Music season. Will you help me to reach there?’

‘You want me to hold your hand and take you to stage?’

‘Pity you!  Let me put it this way for you to understand- will you keep your mouth shut, when I’m at home practicing music?’

‘You’re at home only for eating food. If you keep your mouth shut, I too will’ 

‘You’re a stupam of stupidity, Ammalu. Stupam means pillar’

‘I’ll  Put it in a way you understand . I’m a stupam or a pillar but with a mouth, which I should shut when you practice ?’

———————-

Ammalu, what is the general opinion of your friends about me?’

‘General opinion is you’re ok. Specifically if you ask, you’re yet to grow’

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‘Ammalu, don’t waste your time on me. I’m what I’m and I won’t change to suit your whims and fancies ‘

‘SP Sir, I don’t want you to change and my attempts are only to keep you as what you’re so that I don’t miss the charm of life. Which other woman in the world is lucky to have such a husband who pets and pampers her day and night to escape from punishment from her for his misdeeds?’

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‘Of late Ammalu, when you come near me, I have a feeling of termites’ biting. Wonder why?’

‘Your blood sugar level has shot up. From now on, I will be giving your insulin shots’. 

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Ammalu, age is no bar for romancing. Right?’

‘What’s romancing?’

‘Romancing is saying sweet little no sense things’

‘Only saying? If so, Yes’

‘If not ‘only saying’?’

‘Pick up your bed and sleep in the veranda’

 

‘Oh, Ammalu, my dear sweet girl, in sound sleep last night, I had a feeling of a peacock feather gently moving here, there and all over my body. It didn’t, however, take much time to realize the truth that it was your hand movements.  I’m elated, you’re back to your good old days!’

‘Sorry for the damage caused to your sound sleep , SP dear! 

I was looking for the cash box key and I had to search top to bottom of your body’

‘Ammalu, I have every right to question you, as I’m your husband.  Any doubt in that ?’

‘Doubt in what, you’re my husband?’

‘Talk sensibly. You have any doubt in my right to question you?’

‘Not at all’

‘Then, what is your problem?’

‘You don’t question me at all. You stand  in attention, looking at my mouth, for the questions to come out  and when that happens you look at my face in awe wondering how I could discover your shameful, secret dealings’

‘Mama, my mother in law, of late, hates me. She often quarrels and calls me Orangutan’

‘What sweet food, she likes most?’

‘Paruppu pradaman’

‘Feed her that’

‘Oh, no. She is a diabetic’

‘How old is she ?’

‘93’

‘Simply feed her with plenty of payasam’

—————-

‘Mama, your trick worked. My mamiyar has turned very friendly’ 

‘She still calls you orangutan?’

‘No, mama’

‘What does she call you now ?’

‘Paruppu pradaman’

‘You’re happy ?’

‘Very happy’

‘But, Mama, worried about —‘

‘Worried about what?’

‘Her constipation’

‘Give her kadukkai kazhayam’

‘Never mama. She will call me kadukkai kazhayam ‘

‘

‘Abandoned by sleep, I sat under a mango tree last night, when I had a sort of enlightenment like Lord Buddha had, Ammmalu’

‘Did Lord Budha sit under a mango tree?’

‘’That is immaterial. What was important is the question awakened in my mind- why shouldn’t we live like husband and wife?’

‘Are we now living like brother and sister ?’

‘Not that. Why don’t we live like a real husband and wife?’

‘Are we now living like a bogus husband and wife?’

‘Oh, my God! How will I make you understand!’

‘Don’t worry. I understood. No more chance of that ‘very real’ for us anymore. We’re too old now’

‘Ignoring my inner awakening, Ammalu?’

‘Not at all. Advising you not to go out at night and sit under any tree’ 

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Ammalu, are you jealous when your friends move closely with me and share my intelligence?’

‘I don’t know how close they move as they are all  bulky! Anyway, it is OK as they’re only sharing and not taking away your intelligence. I need it to settle our monthly dhobi and milkman’s bills’

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‘You’re in deep meditation. Are you dreaming about my stone-strong  body or moon-shine face, Ammalu? 

‘I’m thinking how to send you to the shop in this hot Sun, to get some curry leaves as our tree has gone dry’

Ammalu, Poor old woman, the talk of the town today ‘’was my  Vishukkaineettam and not your Vishukkani ‘

‘True. My friends were wondering how you managed to collect so many ‘chakrams’, the minimum valued and outdated coins of Thiruvananthapuram Maharaja’ s days’. 

———————-

‘Ammalu, between a husband and his wife, there can be hundred reasons to quarrel. So, what I want to tell you is—‘

‘No, there is just one reason – whether they are prepared to accommodate each other’s views and if not adjust and live together.  There is nothing more to talk on this issue’

‘Ammalu, am I fit only to eat iddlies?’

‘Certainly not. Who said so?’

‘Your dear mom’

‘I have to rethink’

‘You have to rethink ? OK. Rethink. Let me, in the meantime, to prove my mettle, climb the coconut and mango trees and remove the fruits. Or shall I dive into the well and pick up the bucket, your mom dumped in it ?’

‘Don’t do such things. I will give a much simpler task. Separate these two  tumblers which got stuck , one into the other’

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‘Ammalu, is it not an accepted fact that man needs woman to cook food for him—-‘

‘Spoon feed him and give a kick at the back’

‘Spoon feeding fine. Why kick ?’

‘How will otherwise, the food move into the stomach?’

‘So, my perception of woman is not accurate’

‘Your perception about her purpose and function is absolutely idiotic’ 

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‘Ammini, Oh, my God! Ammalu, I forgot  your name for a moment due to my aging and for no other reason. I’m sure you’ll understand’

‘Sorry for the delay, Doctor, I will get your fees now’

‘I’m your doctor? I’m your husband. You forgot me, cranky woman!’

‘Doctor Bapu Rao! Are you OK?’

‘I’m not OK. I have gone mad with a wife like you’

‘Who am I ? Ammini or Ammalu?’

‘You’re Ammalu, my wife, one and my only wife, my goddess’

‘Sure? No memory loss?’

‘No, loss at all. Only gain after you joined me’

‘Who is Ammini?’ 

‘Ammini? Who ‘s that ? I have never heard that name ‘

‘If that name again comes from your mouth?’

‘You’ll call the doctor!’

‘Thank you. You can go to sleep now’