Category: A10 — AMMULU STORIES AND OTHER FUN FOUNTAINS

‘Ammalu, you are wrong, thoroughly wrong, if you expect me to bow before you’
‘No, I don’t. You have been a good boy from the day one doing what I ask you to do, never straining your head’
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Ammalu, I’m not your servant maid to run to Chettiar shop and bring provision or vegetable from Koya’s shop, the moment you order’
‘I never said you are a servant maid. You are not my servant, but my respected husband. You are also not a maid but an old man of overflowing age. Please, get me the things if you want to make me food in time’
‘Ok, on one condition. Withdraw that adjective ‘overflowing’
‘Done, get some paruthikottai ( cattle feed ) too’
‘But, why paruthikottai? We don’t have any cattle now’
‘True. Tomorrow cattle may come, but I may not be able to bridle your ‘overflow’. Age grows by leaps and bounds when aging starts, you see’
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‘I am from a wealthy, influential family. Ammalu. You should know that’
‘I know’
‘How do you know?’
‘You have been telling this to everyone. So, it should be true’
‘I’m well qualified, unlike you’
‘I know’
‘How do you know?’
‘I know my qualification. You were in a good job and I was not’
‘Good’
‘Ok. I’m your husband. You should know that, Ammalu’
‘Yes, I know’
‘How do you know?’
‘That question shows your utter brain bankruptcy . Anyway, I’m answering. I’m living with you only because you are my husband. Ok? Anymore questions ?’
‘Yes, one more to push you to the ground. ‘I’m a man, Ammalu, the superior creation of God. You should know that’
‘Yes, Sir. I know ‘
‘How do you know?’
‘Oh, man! Don’t be silly. You are talking to your wife!’
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I’m sorry to say Ammalu, you are unbearably boring at times’
‘You are bearable SP. Come close to me, that was how I became a mother. Come still close to me, SP, that was how you ba me a father’
——————————
Ammalu, I have a good news for you. I overheard your friends’ comments that I look younger than you by more than ten years.
What you say?’
‘It is a good news for you, not for me. But I have a good news for me. I too overheard your friends saying that I look half your age’
‘So, you too have the bad habit of overhearing?’
‘I didn’t have. Acquired from you observing your overhearing my friends’
‘Let us square it of, Ammalu. I was lying to you and you were lying to me’
‘I was not lying to you. I look half your age. This is what others are saying. And I too feel that I’m much younger to you’
‘You too feel, Ammalu? Really?’
‘Yes, I too feel’
‘It is not a lie?’
‘No, it is not’
‘Ammalu, I’m scared. I’m worried. I’m lost. Is there a likely hood of your leaving me?’
‘Yes’
‘Where will you go?’
‘To my mom’s home’
‘Where will I go then, Ammalu?’
‘To my mom’s home’
 
 
 
 

‘Ammalu, I made a blunder. Don’t know how to rectify the mistake’
‘You are talking about the passport application?’
‘Yes, yes. How did you come to know?’
‘The passport officer is your FB friend. He called me and informed, ‘SP has written Ammini’s name against yours in the application. Did you oust him from his post’
‘I replied, ‘No, Sir, How can I?  He is forgetful these days and mixes up names. Ignore that application. I’m sending another one . I will deal with SP, after the passport comes’
‘After the pass port comes, will you throw me out, Ammalu?’
‘No, I won’t . I will leave you here and go to USA, alone’
——————————————-
‘I’m glad that you believe in old values, Ammalu’
‘Values whether old or new are to be believed and respected like husbands’
‘Wah, what a wisdom, though borrowed from me’
‘Is not giving and taking common among couple?’
‘Yes, but what do you have to give a thinker, writer and scholar like me, Ammalu?’
‘Common sense. The down to earth knowledge to lead a normal life ‘
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AMmalu, when our children call, they just enquire, ‘hei, dad! How r u? Hope ur sugar is under control and your moods too. Take care dad’. That is all. Whereas, they talk with you for hours together. What is the understanding between you and my children?’
‘You start like SG Kittappa in Mayil Ravananan or Shivaji in Veerapandiya Kattapomman or N.T. Rama Rao in Patala Bhairavi.
‘Athala, vithala, Suthala, rasaathala, paathaala—–or
Matsya, koorma, varaaha, Narasimha—– style.
Instead of saying, ‘I’m fine’, you say, ‘Yaksha, kinnara, Gandharva, Nara, vaanara, Rakshasa——-can’t touch me’
I talk to them as their mother. You too talk to them as their father, not as a mythological character from your old favorite cinemas’
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K

 
‘You may be my wife, Ammalu, but that doesn’t mean–‘
”You may be my wife !’
I think I should to take you to Appa Iyer school and admit you in the fifth standard.
Let there be no confusion on this issue. I’m your wife, will continue to be your wife till my last breath, however bad your behavior is and—‘
‘How bad my grammar is?’
‘No. Sir. No compromise on your grammar. Writing skill is the only armor you have and I don’t want to see any dent on it’
‘Why do you bother about my writings, madam! You don’t read my stories!’
‘True. But others do. And they complain to me, if your English is substandard’
‘That is too much, Ammalu. You are disgracing my Universities’
‘Ok. Tell me, ‘am I your wife or may be I’m your wife?’
‘You ARE my wife. I repeat, you ARE my wife’
‘Thank you. Your coffee is on the table ‘
‘But why green chillies for pakoda ?’
‘Each bite will make you to say, ‘you are my wife, you are my wife’

Y
 

 
‘Wonder which fool said that man can have only one wife?’
‘Would like to have more for yourself?’
‘Not at all, Ammalu. But, seeing your struggling alone carrying the load of household duties, is it wrong, as a loving, dutiful husband, if I feel that it would be helpful to you to have two more hands in this house?’
‘Ok, go ahead. I know that you think about my happiness rather than yours. But, SP, let me caution you that maintaining two women is like holding two sugarcane sticks in both the hands. It is like having no hands. You can’t eat, can’t drink even water, can’t sleep ‘
‘Oh, now you are worried about me. I will manage, for your sake, for your happiness Amnalu, with another woman’
‘Very good. What a sacrifice for my sake! Tell me ten minutes in advance of your bringing your ( sorry my ) companion here, so that I can be ready to receive you both at the gate’
‘Promise me that you will be receiving her with open hands, when we enter together, my dear ‘
‘Promising is not that easy’
‘Why Amnalu, when I have your concurrence and she, your blessings?!
‘My fear is, if she too is shaky and shivering like you, I have to hold you both with my both hands to prevent your falling. How will I then be able to receive you with open hands?’
‘Disgracing me, Ammalu? My steps and looks are not sturdy?’
‘Yes, now. But won’t be, in the presence of another woman!’
‘Admitting your statement for the sake of argument, may I know madam, why should she shiver?’
‘She will, when she comes to know that Ammalu is your wife. If she doesn’t, she doesn’t belong to this planet. May be from Mars, may be from the Moon’

‘I’m prepared to sit with you, discuss and come to an amicable settlement, whatever be your problem with me, Ammalu’
‘I have no problem with you and I’m the happiest wife in the world’
‘If I have any problem with you? A frank discussion anyway, is good, to spare you going out of your moods’
‘I will never go out of my moods. Don’t worry on that account, SP’
‘If not me, who else will worry for you? Suppose you go cranky and shoot with your bag and baggage to your mom’s house?’
‘Don’t worry on that account too. In order to free you from that anxiety, I have already asked mom to come here with her bag and baggage. She is in the kitchen. What would you like to have now? Hot, hot puri masala or cholae?’
‘Sudha vAyu. Free air. A friend who knew how happy I was before I was hooked in this wedlock’
‘Mom, SP is asking for you’
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‘I don’t mind even if you scold me when we are alone. But, please praise me, in public’
‘Sorry SP. I will do neither’
‘A woman who doesn’t say good words about her husband is not a woman’
‘Then, what am I?’
‘You are my wife. You alone in this world have the qualities to be my wife, Ammalu’
‘Wah, what a word power! I will praise you for that in public, SP, my hubby’
‘Semi rhyming?’
‘Another praise in public, my chummy. But cut some vegetables please !’
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More I try to come close to you, more you misbehave, Ammalu’
‘Misbehave! Did I pull your dothi?’
‘You are crossing your limit of decency Ammalu. Watch your words’
‘SP, your ‘misbehave’ is within the limit of decency?’
‘May not be but not as vulgar as dothi pulling’
‘OK. Then, you come near me wearing pants and not dothi’
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‘I believe in telling truth Ammalu, and I have been telling truth before our marriage and till now’
‘Before marriage, I don’t know. But, I admit after marriage till a minute before, you have been telling truth ‘
‘What happened in the last one minute?’
‘What you claimed now was nothing but untruth in its absolute form’
‘Your comment could have been less crude’
‘Truth may look crude, SP as it doesn’t visit beauty parlor, but truth, by birth and nature is beautiful’
‘Like you?’
‘Yes, what you said now is truth in its absolute form’
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‘Whenever I look at the full moon, and I do look often, I see only your face, Ammalu. What does it show ?’
‘Two things: the full moon appears in the sky often, without my knowledge and you are yet to know how my face looks like’
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‘Am,mam, here is the list of my new year vows, in three parts, extremely difficult, very difficult and difficult, 101 vows in each section’
‘Am, mam?’
‘Yes, mam. That is the short form for Ammalu madam, the first vow from the ‘extremely difficult’ category’
‘Good. You want my cooperation in implementing your 300 and odd vows?’
‘Yes, Am, mam’
‘I will help you on one condition. Here is your last year’s vow list, which woefully remains only on paper. I want you to implement one vow, just one vow’
‘Waiting for your orders, Am mom’
‘I’m reading from your list: ‘After my Rummy play with friends every evening, I shall not leave the task of collecting the cards from the table, chairs and floor to Ammalu but I will do it myself. Ithu Sathyam, Sathyam, Sathyam’ .
Just do that, only one evening’
‘That is too much, Ammalu’
‘Ammalu? Fut goes your first vow for the new year!’
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‘Looking at the sky for a streak of light at an Amavasya night is as good as looking at your mouth for a word of compliment on the food I serve, SP’
‘Ammalu, you serve food for me to eat or to waste time talking about it?’
‘Wah, what a complement! I need nothing more from you, my hubby. I love you’
‘There lies the problem ‘
‘In the last three words?’
‘Yes, you still love me!’
‘SP, always remember, my love is not like the Sun who raises and retires or like a moon who waxes and wanes. It is like the blood stream in my body which keeps circulating till my last breath’
‘Why not like my blood stream?’
‘You will never understand me. The Sun may stop setting, the moon may stop waning but man will never understand woman’

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