Category: A10 — AMMULU STORIES AND OTHER FUN FOUNTAINS

‘SP, did you bargain for a cash discount when you went to buy stamps in the post office?!

‘Who told you?’

‘Ammini’

‘She came here?’

‘Yes, when you were taking a nap after food’

‘Why didn’t you wake me up?’

‘I never knew that she owes you money’

‘She doesn’t ‘

‘That was why, I didn’t wake you up ‘
—————-

‘Do you mind, if I sit here looking at your face to enjoy your beauty, Ammalu?’

‘Welcome. Wait a minute, please. I will move away from the window ‘

‘Why Ammalu?. You feel shy that others will watch my silent romancing ?’

‘No, I will be unnecessarily suspecting a honest husband that his eyes search outside through the window opening’

—

‘In the olden days, Ammalu, the world prospered because husbands kept wives under their toes’

‘Can you quote an authority, for this assessment?’

‘Product of my deep thinking’

‘Flaw in your product, SP. Keeping women under toes, how did procreation take place?’

—-

‘I have a complaint against you, Ammalu. A serious complaint’

‘Tell my mom. If the complaint is about her, tell me’

‘You can’t be so casual about my complaint, a pretty serious one, Ammalu’

‘I know how serious it is’

‘Are you a Maharishi?’

‘I am your wife, for over forty five years. I learnt everything about you in the first forty five minutes’

‘Ok , if you are that gifted, tell me what my complaint is about’

‘I made medhu vada and not parippu vada for the evening tea.
The reason – dhal dabba empty’

---

Either me or you, Ammalu. We both have no room in this house’

‘What are you talking SP ? Have you completely lost your perception? Our house can accommodate twenty people, other than us. Complete fasting today, for you, till you regain some momentum in your brain. Not even a cup of coffee. You can go back to your room and relax’

---

 

‘Ammalu, I’m a free man. I can go wherever I want to. Your mother has no business to follow me wherever I go. She keeps an eye on me even while I’m in the kitchen, why? ‘

‘She suspects that you enter kitchen to collect the small coins we deposit in the dabbas now and then. ‘It is ok mom’, I told her, ‘aren’t we scooping big notes from his wallet?!”

———-

—————————

‘Ammalu, remember, remember always that you are NOT an angel dropped from the heaven to rectify my defects’

‘I am not an angel, I know. I also know that I’m an ordinary woman deputed by the destiny to put you on the track, but I failed, failed miserably. Not because of my inefficiency.
I failed because, derailment is in your DNA—-‘

‘Stop it, you stupid woman! You have no right to blame my predecessor and successors.’

‘I didn’t . You didn’t allow me to complete the sentence. Don’t you claim to be a special person?’

‘Yes, I did and I do and I will.
It is not just a hollow claim. The world admits it. The history will substantiate my claim’

‘Exactly. The derailment DNA is special only for you’

‘You are teaching me science?!

‘I have taught you many things. But, as your DNA special only for you–‘

‘Wait a minute. So, you, Ammalu, for the first time, admit that I’m special, unique. That will do for me’

‘That will do for me too!!’

SP, will you please move from here?

‘Why should I?’

‘I want to change my dress. I need privacy’

‘Can’t you see I’m not wearing my glasses?’

‘You need glasses to see what should not be seen and
aids to hear what should not be heard. Don’t I know you?’

‘Don’t I know you? Go head’

‘Go ahead? I will physically carry you and dumb in your chair, if you stay here one more minute’

‘One minute is not a short period to see things worth seeing’

‘Get out, get out, get out. You ———!!!’
————–

‘Ammalu, after thinking all these years, thinking and thinking again again, I am convinced now that I didn’t err in choosing you as my wife. What about you?’

‘I’m thinking. Yet to come to the thinking and thinking stage’
—————–

‘Ammalu, you have every right to scold me. I have every right to —-‘
‘Complete the sentence’

‘Let us not talk about rights’

‘That is right’

Ammalu, only my hope not my hold on you, is getting loosened.
What say you?’

‘I never lose my hope on you, as you are still in the process of growing. My hold on you has yielded fruits. And now my hold is only to prevent you falling. You want me to say anything more?’

---

Basic courtesies!!!

Consequently for four days, our home helper Yadamma was absent.
‘Couldn’t you tell me a word in advance?’, I asked her this morning.
‘Marictchupoyaanu Sir- I forgot’ . Her casual reply.
I’m helpless. Forgetfulness is not my sole property!

The paper walah Ramu throws the news paper, on the wet varanda floor, though I stand like a statue at the front gate. Cant’t he hand it over to me?

‘You didn’t see me standing?’ I ask.
‘No, Sir!’
He has gone!

If he threw the paper despite seeing me standing, there is scope for complaining. If he didn’t see at all?

The neighbor who comes to read my newspaper enquires earnestly,
‘don’t you have the habit of drinking coffee in the morning?’
‘I’ll have it after sometime’
‘Why, is it RahukAlam now?’

 

Leave away outsiders. Ammalu? Starts scrapping coconut when I practice singing. ‘What a nuisance.? Can’t you do it without making that rattling noice?’, I ask her politely.

‘Do you need chutney for idli or not?’, she retorts angrily.

‘I need chutney, dear, but why this shrill now?’. I submit soberly.

‘Ok, you do it yourself without noise’. She leaves the little mount with a forked tongue and goes to watch TV.

‘How to mount this Meru mountain, Ammalu?’ Can you help me please?’. I request her.

‘Let this serial be over’.

‘It won’t be over, now’

‘What is the hurry? You have Idli with jaggery ‘

‘Are you joking, Ammalu? Idli with jaggery is like you and me! Where is the combination?’

‘Happy Independence Day!’. She leaves for her mother’s home, next street.

I have somehow managed to sit on the scrapper mount . How to get down?

---

‘Ammalu, don’t disturb me till lunch time, please. I’m trying to figure out your problem ‘

‘I have no problems’

‘Exactly. And that is my problem. I worked like a bull while in service and continue to work like a servant for you, even now.
I struggled then; I struggle now. And you enjoy!’

‘Lunch is ready’

‘Problem solved’

‘I mistook you for a star in the sky when I met you , Ammalu. My eyesight failed me’

‘My eyesight didn’t. You still stay on the ground level, moving up, not an inch. But, thanks to my firm hold on you, you didn’t slip and nose dive’

---

‘Ammalu, the problem is not with your poor attention but with your proximity itself. When I call for any little help, say to get a tumbler of water, you don’t respond. You are always busy in the kitchen . To cook for two, do you need twenty four hours?’

‘SP, do one thing. Employ a cook. I will sit with you all the day’

‘Ok. Look for a good looking girl’

‘I want a cook, not a daughter in law. And don’t think I’m a fool to miss your mischievous plan’

---

‘Ammalu, life should be give and take. I give you everything you need . What do you give me?’

‘Soap and towel when you extend your hand through the bathroom door gap’

---

 

‘Ammalu, you haven’t heard all my glories’

‘Say soon, before my hearing aid batteries go inert’

‘Ammalu, all said and done, I’m am a honest husband’

‘Sorry. Batteries out’

---

‘It is immaterial for me whether you sit in a cart or a chariot. You should sit in my heart always. That is my only interest’

‘How do I find a place in your heart, Ammalu?’

‘Simple. Sit in your easy chair in the study reading or writing or doing whatever you like and not enter the Kitchen and nag me.
Today is Varalakshmi vratham and I have plenty of jobs to do’

‘AmbAl wants thattai for PrasAdam’

‘Tell Her, she will get it’

‘She is in Ammini’s house now, Shall I go and tell her?!

‘Yes, please go to Ammini or Paru or Parukutty or any friend’s house and don’t disturb me till my pooja is over’

‘What about sitting in your heart?!

‘No, I will be more peaceful if I allow you to roam about, instead of keeping you within me. Anyway, you are harmless now’

---

‘Ammalu, are we alone now? If so, I want to tell you something in private’

‘I have no glasses now and can’t tell you clearly whether someone is hiding behind the doors. Anyway, you want only to
tell something. No harm, old man!’

---

 

 

‘The wedding was like a village festival. I didn’t attend such a glamorous wedding so far’

‘The couple left for USA?’

‘The boy left. The girl stayed back’

‘Why? Accommodation problem in USA?’

‘Accommodation problem, in the car, not in USA .

While driving to the airport, the boy’s mother wanted to sit near her son.

‘I don’t know when I will see my son again. Let me have the joy of sitting by his side for a short distance’, said the affectionate mother, wiping the tear drop waiting to fall, with her silk sari end. Natural!’

‘Short or long is not the question. Entitlement’, said the shy girl, looking partially at her husband and partially on the ground,
She wanted to sit by his side. Natural!
‘En daa, any objection?’, she enquired her hubby eagerly.

He nether said ‘yes’ nor ‘no’.

But the boy’s mom asked the bride, ‘you already started calling my son, ‘da?!

‘Let the baby call me whatever she likes’, consoled the caring son.

‘Baby, enkedaa, baby?’ , enquired the eager mother, looking around for the baby.

‘For 24 hours you’re going sit near him in the flight’, tried to interfere the girl’s dad, ‘why not his mother sit near him for twenty minutes?’

‘Dad, you know nothing’, argued the bride to her dad. ‘If I allow the old lady’s small wish now, she will sit on my head throughout my life’

The boy looked at his watch. His friends too did the same. Argument continued.

No settlement on seating yet.

The ladies, young and old argued, argued. No result.

‘Let Pappa sit near Chellappa. What do you lose?’ Asked the angry hubby senior to his wife.

‘What do I lose ? I am losing my Chellam’, retorted the angry lady.

The bride’s mom was a ‘no nonsense’ woman.

‘Let us go Kanmani’, said she to her pet daughter, called for a cab, as her driver was enjoying his feast.

And the boy drove to air port, along with others.

‘There would have been a big gathering to see him off?’

‘Oh! Half the airport was his people.

‘The boy didn’t say a word , to his sweet honey, while leaving?!

‘He did. When the girl waved, ‘ta,ta’, he said, ‘bye,bye!’

 

‘Is the distance between us widening Ammalu?’

‘Yes, in the evenings when you go for a walk’

‘When will you follow my figurative talk?’

‘Figurative? What does it mean?’

‘My question changes according to the figures I talk to’

‘I understood. Our knowledge level is same. No distance between us, figuratively speaking’

 

‘How does parukutty look in her new sari, SP’

‘Gorgeous. She is a marvelous girl’

‘I know about her marvels. We’ll leisurely talk about her. Now tell me how will I look in that sari?’

‘It won’t suit you, Ammalu’

‘Which colour will suit me, blue, red, orange?

‘None’

‘You know better. I won’t even look at our Chettiar shop, now on. Chalo SP. Let us go to town. Kumaran or Nalli. Select the best to your satisfaction. After all, for whose satisfaction am I wearing clothes?’

‘Ammalu, there are no matching saris in the town too’

‘Very good. Let us go to KANCHI, the capital of silk saris.
After all, for whose satisfaction–?’

‘Ammalu, again and again I’m telling you no saris will suit you’

Ok. You know better. Buy jeans and pants’

‘Ammalu, I forgot to tell you. Our Chettiar has a new collection. Hurry up, before that get exhausted’