‘I’m sorry Ammalu, I’m not here to wash your vessels, or sweep your floor or clean your cows’
‘Thank you my dear paying guest’
‘Paying guest, me? Have you gone mad?’
‘The house doesn’t belong to you. Neither the properties, not even the cattle. Then who are you, if not my paying guest?’
‘Where is the broomstick Ammalu?’
‘I wanted you just to pick up your coffee tumbler from the cupboard and wash once. That is all. If you do that small service, it is more than enough for me’
‘Ammalu, I’m looking for someone with whom I can share my secrets’
‘Why not me be that person?’
‘Joking? Has any man shared his secrets with his wife and slept peacefully?’
‘Ok. I too will look for a person to share my secrets’
‘Secrets, you, you have secrets?’
‘Why not SP! can’t I have my own secrets?’
‘Oh my God! I didn’t even in my dreams, think of that possibility. Ammalu, I beg you. Please don’t look for someone to share your secrets. It is a shame for me’
‘Ok . I won’t, but you too should not share your secrets with others. You should share with me only’
‘Sure. I will tell you now. Right now’
‘Wait a minute. Let me get a notebook and pencil to note down’
‘Recording my secrets? You ‘re going to publish in The Hindu paper?’
‘Never. Just to share with my mom who boasts that she knows more secrets about you, than I do.’
—————————-
‘Ammalu, Pattu’s husband Pattabhi praises that I’m handsome, very handsome’
‘Not my problem. If Pattu had said so, it becomes my problem’
———————————————————
‘SP, remember, you’re in a Mexican restaurant and not in your home, to expect pappadam, payasam and vadumAngAi! You have the habit of looking at wrong places for the right things’
‘Habit? What do you mean, Ammalu?’
‘Yes, habit. When my friends meet you and smile, you don’t look at their face; you look at their back, when they return.
Smile comes from the front, not from the back’
————————————————————————-
‘Our Appu astrologer says that in our last birth,
I was a mighty lion and you, a rabbit, Ammalu. A poor rabbit’
‘Astrologers never lie. Now, I know why God made me your wife, in this birth, to give back in tons what I received from you in my previous birth. ‘You reap as you sow,’ they say’
‘Ammalu, I was joking. You took it serious’
‘Thank God, you didn’t take my taunt serious. Continue to enjoy the comforts from me’
‘What comforts you give me? You’re an irritating itch for me’
‘Ah! Appu astrologer!’
——————————————————————
‘Ammalu, you, the old lady with a preparing-to-bend back, and a heavy- loaded head, why are you jealous of me, when I asked you to look for a Gym for my body enhancement?’
‘What is lacking in your body beauty, SP?’
‘I’m so proud of you my beauty queen! What are you then, searching for, in the website, my pearl from the Kalpathy river?’
‘A gym for your mind enhancement’
This morning while wearing my jacket ( coat), pushed my one hand into the opening meant for that and looked for the entry point for the other hand. It, simply was not there!
‘How did I suddenly lose a hand?,’ was my worry!
Soon, blissfully, came to the realization that, what was missing was not a hand but only a jacket hole to push in my other hand!
How can hand vanish like that? I looked at my hands, to reconfirm. Both were there in their places! God is great and my belief that God is great is getting confirmed again and again !
Let the jacket with a missing part, go. I shall ask my daughter in law to buy another jacket.
Buying another jacket means spending money and I don’t like my children spending their hard earned money for my needs, unless my needs are urgent and unavoidable.
I searched for the missing part of the jacket. OMG! The jacket is hale and hearty. No part is missing. It was bought only last year and in fact Mahima, bought a second one as the first one was less expensive. She goes for the best and that was how she selected my nephew!
So, nothing is missing from the jacket and the confusion was because, in a hurry, I failed to locate the hole of the tube into which my hand was to be pushed in. It is an expensive jacket, just an year old. How can it tear and lose a part?
So, things are very clear. My both hands are there and in the proper place. Jacket too is in good shape. Hands are safe, jacket too. What is there to worry?
What did that stream of thoughts indicate?Have I become old?
Not at all. How can I become old ?
Had I become old, I would not have been able to wear the jacket without someone’s help.
Was there a small confusion in my mind for a short period?
Confusion, for whom ? For me?
Never.
‘The biggest blunder I committed in my life was that I married you, Ammalu?’
‘I agree, SP. But, you had no other alternatives, then. Of the 28 girls you saw with the intention of marriage, all, except one, rejected you, outright at the very first sight. You offered a car drive for the last girl, in your own car, but stood before her with a hired bicycle, with a punctured tyre. She gave you a quarter coin for repairing the tyre and said good bye’
‘Then, why did you agree to marry me, madam?’
‘As my desire was only for a bicycle ride and your vahanam, vehicle was ready by then’
————————————————
Ammalu, now on, never invite me for your club meetings. How dare your assistant secretary to claim that women are equal to men, in all respects, in my presence?’
‘I banged her for uttering that in your presence. After you left, In my concluding speech, I told the august audience that wives are head and shoulder above their husbands in all respects, in every household, though to show respect to menfolk, in public, we talk that they are equal to us. I received a standing ovation for my clarification ‘
———————————————
‘Ammalu, I heard a shocking news . You threatened Ammini that you will throw her out of our house if she comes again. How dare you? Ammalu she is a respectable woman’
‘I know. That was why, I didn’t threaten her. I kicked her out’
———————————-
‘What is mesmerizing in me, Ammalu? Give me a honest answer’
‘If you want a really honest answer give me two minutes’
‘Sure’
‘I’m back with the answer. This is the ninth time you’re asking me the same question’
‘Your memory power is mesmerizing me’
‘It is not my memory power, but your money power. Every time, after you ask the same question, I got so bored that I pulled out a hundred rupee note from your wallet and transferred to mine. Just now I counted and found nine notes there in my wallet. Please ask the same question once more. I can buy two blouse pieces’
——-
‘Is it true what I heard from Ammini about your English vocabulary, SP?’
‘She adores me as well as my language fluency’
‘Quiet possible. But, her story gives me a different version. It seems , in a file noting, you wrote, ‘I want you’, instead of ‘I warn you’ and forgot to sign. She didn’t notice what you wrote, and that file, with her signature, inadvertently reached the Director’s table, along with other files, The boss called Ammini and admonished her.
‘I’m sorry Ammini , I can’t oblige you,’ she told her it seems, ‘I’m already married and have a daughter of your age’
————————————
‘Ammalu, one fine morning you don’t find me at home, when you get up. Will you sit weeping in a corner or call your mom?’
‘I will drink my morning coffee and pour yours in the thermos’
————————————
‘Tell me frankly Ammalu, what is your contribution in my achievements in life?’
‘I expected you to know that’
‘I don’t know. Ok, tell me just two most important contributions’
‘One, I made you father of our children and two——‘
‘It is ok. Attend to your work. I’m hungry’
‘So, you know the second most important one’
—————————-
‘Ammalu, I never told her so, believe me, completely. What else did she tell you about me?’
‘SP, I believe you completely. That’s why I don’t want to tell you what else she told about you’
‘It is alright. I’ll ask her’
‘Ask her, but she won’t tell you’
‘Why, she trusts me, completely’
‘She trusts you completely. But she can’t open her mouth for another month. My single thrash has paralyzed her face completely’
‘I have my best friend in this house and sorry Ammalu, that is not you’
‘Other than me and our cow Kavery, there is no other living being here. The moment you go near her, she kicks you left and right! And that is the closeness of your friendship!’
‘Poor Ammalu, my best friend is a woman, not an animal’
‘Very good. I’m looking for a woman to clean my bathrooms, as our servant maid is absent since yesterday. Bring your best friend out of the hideout, please’
‘My best friend for cleaning your bathrooms?’
‘Why not? If she is not prepared to help me, she is not your best friend. She is just an ordinary friend and I am not bothered. You have many such’
Ammalu, ask for any favor, I’m prepared to give you, but allow me to go wherever I want to, alone, all alone’
‘No problem. You would like to go after lunch or will be eating
in Pattu’s home?’
‘Who told you I’m going to visit Pattu?’
‘A wife who doesn’t know where her husband goes and from where he comes, is in danger. Any wife. And I’m not ‘any wife’. I’m SP’s wife’