Shivam Diaries

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  • ‘Phat’ goes his habit

    ‘Always, bla, bla! Boring ! Could you speak something substantial, SP?’

    ‘Dasharatha Maharaja had four children ; Ammalu’s husband too. The Maharaja had three wives but Ammalu’s husband, poor man, not a Maharaja, not even an ordinary Raja, not even a Mantri, could have only one wife and that too our Ammalu. But still he survived. How? He had many girl friends, which the Maharaja didn’t have and poor guy, therefore had to say goodbye to the world .—‘

    ‘Please stop. Go back to your bla, bla ! Too much substance in your substantial talk’

     

    ‘Ammalu, had I married one of the dozen girls I had loved, would I have been happier?’

    ‘How do I know? Were your question, ‘how happy she would have been’, I could give an answer’

    ‘Ok, what is your answer?’

    ‘If you too were one of the dozen boys, she had loved, she would have been really happy’

    Ammalu, I believe in telling my opinion ‘phat’ at the face of anyone, without bothering about their reaction, wife or her mother or even God or Goddess’

    ‘Not a bad idea’

    ‘So, you understood?’

    ‘Yes, of course’

    ‘Tell others too’

    ‘My mom knows already. To the other two, you may convey the message’

    ‘Now, Ammalu, you are telling me ‘phat’!’

    ————————–

  • Don’t take anyone for granted

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    Many times, it happens, may not be intentionally, but it happens
    – we take for granted, our close relatives, friends, colleagues, neighbors, even the precious life handed over to us on a gold platter.

    Never do that. Even with your wife, whom you expect not to go away, come what may, whatever be your careless treatment.

    She may not leave you physically but her mind will treat you as an untouchable. That is a worst condition. Even physical separation may not hurt as much as mental separation, remaining under the same roof.

    I don’t mean that you should smile at everyone in the family, including your wife, from morning to even or buy a bouquet for her often. Sincerity in your talk, behavior, treatment is much more valuable than bouquets and flowery words.

    Taking for granted hurts even a low paid security guard at your gate, as he too is a human being. Even animals and birds don’t do that. And we claim a higher place in the hierarchy, the highest place.

    Why do we worship Nandi and Garuda, giving them a honorable place, right before the sanctum, though they are only mounts, carriers of the gods? The gods always watch them to ensure that they are not harmed

  • Attire attracts

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    Once or twice a month, I used to visit the nearby Greater Baltimore temple but had never participated in the evening Bajans, mostly on Sundays and other important days. I used to sit quietly in a corner, enjoy the bajan in Hindi, participate in the Arti, collect Prasadam and come back, uncared and unnoticed by others, except the lovely gods on the raised platform and one or two close friends of Megh, who knows me personally.

    Last evening, suddenly, I became someone worth noticing.
    This was what happened:
    After Ananya’s sweet rendering of Hanuman Chalisa and the songs of Nikhil and a few more kids ( after making sure that no kids were left behind), Megh asked me whether I would like to sing. I moved near the bajan group from my corner seat and sang one or two songs and handed over the mike back to the usual bajan mandali.

    After the harti, a few people approached me with folded hands to say some good words about my song or to take my blessings as North Indians invariably do when they meet an elderly person . Even in the lunch hall, the respect for me in the eyes of some was visible. After dinner when Megh was helping other womenfolk to clean the dining hall, I was relaxing on a bench. Then too, some women, instead of passing through carelessly before an old man, noticed me and said a few kind words in English or Hindi . Not a small achievement!

    Megh didn’t say a word, good or bad, about my songs. There were not many, except a Telugu couple settled here for the past 41/2 decades in the group familiar with Carnatic music as the audience was from the North, West or Eastern parts of our country. My intelligent machine started rolling in full swing. Was it not the silvery white woolen shawl which wrapped my shoulders, the real recipient of the respect of the admirers? Feeling lazy to wear the coat which had to be buttoned up, I had picked up one of the shawls before boarding the car, expecting least that it would provide me a look of a Sangeetha Vidwan!

    The gods on the platform would have, however, appreciated my songs as it were they who made me a singer and I sing only their story and glory.

    Incidentally I have been asking my grandchildren to teach me one or two English songs. They don’t seem to be much interested as they are well aware of my English standard and aptitude for music.

    Had I not fallen sick, I would have Pleaded with them to teach me a few steps of the western style dance too. Wrong time now. One leg may go towards the front, the other one towards the back which might expedite my moving towards up and before that down!

    But, I would suggest youngsters to study at least the preliminary of the dance steps. It is not the monopoly of girls. Boys too should learn. It will help them to synchronize the body movements, improve blood circulation and strengthen heart, hands, legs and tone up the body.

    And it will be a real fun if both wife and husband know dancing, not only for their children but for the neighbors too, if they happen to live in flats, which is common in cities nowadays!

    PS-
    In the picture, Ananya practicing at home for a program in her school. She did well.

  • Who said,’ life is short’?

    Who said life is short?

    ”Life is short. Hurry and enjoy your remaining life,
    every minute ”
    I see many such warnings, cautions, threats, reminders,
    In the net. But, in real life none of my friends or relatives tell me so. Nice guys.

    I too, never threaten any one like that.

    I believe-
    Life is NOT short. You have plenty of time to enjoy. Only requirement is you should know what is enjoyment. Enjoyment is nothing but self satisfaction. If you have that, even one day, one an hour available to you, is more than enough.

    Earlier, I used to feel sorry for my wife, that she was given only to raise the children and not to enjoy the fruits of her labour. She didn’t see the weddings of her children ;
    She didn’t pet and play with her grand children. Every moment, I have been feeling sorry for. Every time, my children take me for a sight seeing, every time there is a child birth in the family, every time there is a family function, every time my children assemble, I used to feel sorry for her. The very thought that she missed all good things in life and I enjoyed all those, was actually killing me.

    But now, I have realized my folly. Each one is entitled for his or her cup of wine and some cups or small, some big. The happiness lies in enjoying what is given, may be a drop, may be two.

    My present thinking is that she had the self satisfaction of developing her family and living happily with her husband and children for some time. What else does a woman need? And that was the golden era for her. She had the best of life. She had no complaints. Not a single day, we quarreled. Not a single wish of her was left unfulfilled by her husband or children. Of course, she didn’t have much wants or desires. So, it was easy for us.

    About me too, I have loved enjoying the unalloyed love of my parents and siblings, then my wife and now my children and grandchildren and many relatives and friends.
    Many of my own relative, friends didn’t have half of what I had.

    My own elder brother didn’t live beyond his first year.

    What more do I need?

    Desire has is no fencing. Even if I happen to live for a hundred years, still, I might long for another one or two years.

    So, I thank the Destiny for giving me what is my due. Plenty, it is. Plenty, my God.

    Who said life is short?

  • Parental village

     

     

    You may be away from your parental village, far, far away, but when you are in India, do visit and pay respects to your gramadevadas and contribute a token amount to the temple, which would have been a thanneer pandal or an alamaram for your parents.

    While in India, I do visit Perinkulam and Kavassery, once a year at least and positively attend the Perinkulam car festival. One of the happiest and blessed moments in my life was when I could circumambulate Krishna Swamy’s ratham, holding a board bearing my ‘NamAmi nithyam Navaneetha Krishnam ‘ stuthi and display it on the outer wall of the temple.

    I used to spend an evening or two, on the bank of the Chooriappan kulam, sitting in isolation, watching the cremation ground opposite to me, where the bodies of my ThAtha, and a few relatives would have been converted to ashes and my one year old Eder brother buried.
    ‘This is for you all’, I used to say, dipping my head and body into the waters of Chooriyappan kulam, before getting out of that place.
    All said and done, one’s attachment to his root, is amazing.

  • The fresh glow

    ‘ Ammalu, the fresh glow in your face is natural or artificial ?’

    ‘Artificial’

    ‘What new face powder did you apply?’

    ‘No face powder. I took extra attention in preparing sambar and avial for you’
    ————
    Ammalu, I’m a man of stainless character. Don’t you agree?’

    ‘Yes, I do’

    ‘Then, when I talk to a woman other than you, why do you stare into my eyes as if there are some gold coins inside?’

    ‘Not gold. I’m looking for the stainless steel vessels, which are missing from my kitchen. I trust my servant woman’
    ———
    Ammalu, any misunderstanding between us should not reach your mom’s ears’

    ‘Misunderstanding, we don’t have even understanding’

    ‘Ammalu, our children will protest’

    ‘They won’t. They know that now we have no strength to stand or sit under or above’

    ‘Then?’

    ‘We float in the air’

    ‘If we collude ?’

    ‘Only gas will escape. So don’t worry’

  • Allow me to do what I want to do

    ‘Ammalu, allow me to see whatever I want to; allow me to go wherever I want to. I’m not a child for you to follow me like a spy of Hitler or a fly after jackfruit’

    ‘Sure, if you promise that you will behave on public roads’

    ‘Behave on public roads? Did I pickpocket any man or butt -kick any woman?’

    ‘SP, don’t try to beat me with your high sounding but hollow words. Answer these three questions honestly.
    Charge 1-
    Did you or did you not on last Thursday evening, walk holding a ripe mango fruit in hand, biting it, sucking it’s juice, enjoying every drop and making sound to propagate your happiness?

    ‘Proof?’

    ‘The stains of mango juice on your shirt.
    So, charge 1 is proved.

    Charge 2- Did you or did you not, on last Friday evening, removing your shirt and tying it around your head, sit on the mud along with urchins and enjoy the Terukoothu street play, whistling intermittently, inserting your finger into the mouth?’

    ‘Proof?’

    ‘Your cramped shirt and whistling in sleep. So, charge 2 too proved.

    Charge. 3- Did you or did you not, yesterday evening, manage to collect cinema tickets in bulk through your influence and sell at much higher rate, standing on the road side before our Rambha Talkies?’

    ‘Proof?’

    ‘Here. I was one among the cheated and here is the torn ticket’

    ‘Hip hip hooray! Ammalu, we are made for each other!’

    ‘Of course, we are made for each other!’

  • Avial, Avaniavittam and others

    Do you like our ‘avial’ ? Each ‘ kashnam ‘ piece of vegetable, maintains its identity . Despite their difference , when avial is served, it adds fragrance to the food and tickles our taste buds.

    I used to dislike our ‘avial’ Iyer ‘bhasha’ as a student in the midst of Malyalam- speaking friends but now, I feel that it has a unique flavor of its own.

    ‘En vayatherichalai enthukku ippadi kottikkarael ? ‘Ammalu’s complaint to me. In Malayalam, the same love-bashing will be, “‘enthina ennae inganae upadravikkunnathu ?’

    Meaning almost the same, but the emphasis differs .

    Where is the anaemic ‘ upadravikkunathu’ before the majestic ‘vayatherichal kottikarael ?

    When I went to Thiruvanathapuram for my wedding, I was irritated by the way the children there, were addressing me as ‘Oi’ often. I wanted to pinch their ears, privately, as a bridegroom is not expected to that publicly.

    ‘I don’t like this ‘Oi’ and ‘pai’,’ I told my dad.
    ‘Vaayai moodikkindu irum, Oi,’ said my dad. Keep your mouth shut, Oi’!

    I also wanted to punch the belly of an elderly relative from Momkombu, when he abused me for my ‘meesai’ moustache, calling me kazhuveridamon’. ‘Anthakazhuverida monte meesayum avanum’,

    this was how he complimented me, at my back, when I was leaving him, after taking his blessings.

    ‘Kazuveride mon’ is a bad word. But it was not so for that Monkombu vaadyar and other elders, I was told. My father- in- law used to talk to me mostly in Malyalam. ‘Edo thante Rudram ennae virappitchu- I shivered in fear hearing your Rudram-‘, he told me, after hearing my Rudram Japam in the Sreekanteswarm temple.
    Iyer families in Vaikom and Thiruvanthapuram had a sightly variant dialect those days. Some of their food items also had variance. For eg. ‘Maalaadu’ was one of their favorite sweet items, which I had not enjoyed till my marriage day.(On wedding-day anything will be enjoyable,maalaadu or paalaadu and that is another issue) .

    Kappai pappadam, I had never seen before; now I bring them in tons to US. The very word ‘Kappai’ I used to dislike as it rhymes with ‘kuppai’ trash! Now, as I love Kappai pappadam being introduced to by my mamiyar, MIL, I rhyme it with ‘Suppai’
    how my ThAtha Subramania Iyer was called by the then Raja of Palakkad. Let both the good souls rest in peace. Raja because he gave a free shelter in his ‘idam- home’ for ThAtha, where I was born and ‘Suppai’ ThAtha as he used to bring Neiyyappam from HemAmbika temple, where he was a manager. I never had such a tasty appam from anywhere in the country.

    ”Ponna poranthavall ellam sappida okkarungo ‘ My wife’s Chellamma athai, whom I have immortalized in my Pitchumani story used to invite the women folk of the family for food. In Palakkad we don’t call them ‘ponna poranthava or born as women!’

    I am for preserving our unique identities such as our own dialects, dress habits, Chandana kuri, the two-inch-long sandal paste mark on the forehead, our Malayalam -mixed Tamil dialect etc as such. The present generation born in 1 BHK or 2 BHK flats in towns and cities would have hardly heard words like thinnai, kootam and kottukoodams of our old houses. Our sons and daughters are choosing their partners speaking different languages. So the children in future will be talking language different from what our parents or even we, spoke or are speaking. I’m not able to follow the English accent of my grand children.

    Avaniavittam, during my childhood was great occasion for us. My sons might remember that word. My grandson will have to refer dictionary to know what it is!

    So let us enjoy the treasure handed over to us by our forbears.

  • You have to be choosy in your words while talking to even a close relative. Once I told Ammalu ( not now, long ago, during our honeymoon days, when we commit all blunders and regret life long):

    ‘Ammalu, you are the most beautiful woman, I have ever come across in the world’

    ‘How many you have come across?’, she asked.

    ‘A few thousands,’ I replied.

    ‘Then, you are bluffing’, she admonished me, ‘if it were a few hundreds, I would have accepted your compliment’

    I never realized till then that the gap between a hundred and a thousand is so wide!

    Ammalu, my friends are repositories of kindness. Ammini is an epitome of kindness. Pattu is pristine merciful—‘

    ‘SP, enough. I follow my mother’s advice. ‘Be kind only to your husband and be cruel to other women’s husbands. I can’t change and I won’t.’

    Ammalu, I want to gift a cell phone for you’

    ‘Thanks, but I don’t need’

    ‘Why Ammalu? When you go out ( most of the time you are out), you may like to talk to your friends’

    ‘Yes, most of the time, I’m out to escape from your nagging but I don’t need a cell phone ‘

    ‘Why Ammalu?’

    ‘The moment I have it, you will follow me wherever I go and when I talk to someone you will come near me to overhear. Once the talk is over, you will enquire, like an old time mother- in -law, who it was I was talking to, that person’s sex, age, house address, height, weight etc.
    No, SP, I don’t want a cell phone ‘

    ‘Did my mother nag you, ever?’

    ‘Only once, when I entered your home for the first time, after our wedding’

    ‘But, we didn’t have a phone, then’

    ‘She was enquiring what we were talking in the bullock, during our journey’

    ‘She was with us in the same cart’

    ‘She was throughout except for a short while, when you got out of the cart to see whether our other carts too were following us. Then she asked, ‘what was my son telling you, while getting out of the cart just now?’.
    I told her, ‘amma, you son was asking whether I could drive the cart. I told him, ‘I can drive the bullocks, you drive the cart’

    ‘A foolish answer it was, Ammalu. My mother would have thought that you were an unadulterated idiot’

    ‘Quiet possible. But, then on, she never asked, ‘what my son told you?’

    ————————

  • Error in our child raising?

    image‘Though I don’t believe in God, shall make a onetime exception and pray for your speedy recovery,’ said an youngster, related to me, who called yesterday from another country to enquire about my health.

    I was happy about the sacrifice he was prepared to make for my sake but felt sorry wondering why our youngsters are turning their face away from God, may be temporarily. What is that lacking in our family system that fails in developing love for God?
    Could it be that we are not able to install a true picture of God in the tender minds.

    ‘God helps. Trust in Him, but study, you WILL pass the exam’

    We should have told them, ‘study well. Your passing the exam depends purely on the correctness of your answer’. We should not have given God the responsibility of correcting his papers, as it is impractical, irrespective of the number of hands He has!

    ‘We tell them, ‘your mother is critical. But don’t worry, God will help her’

    That doesn’t happen. All her her vital systems have failed. What can God do? He can’t create so many duplicates in the flash of a moment. And there are millions of critical patients who might need billions of new organs !

    That leads to hatred of God, not even dislike , in the young mind. God failed to do what was expected from him ( small ‘ h’ for ‘him’ intentional, as God has become an insignificant ‘person’ for the child!

    What a pity!
    ‘Anoranooyan Mahato maheeyan’
    He is smaller than the smallest; greater than the greatest’
    ( Katha Upanishad)

    ‘Na tatra Sooryo bhaathi na Chandra taarakam,
    Nema vidyotho baanthi kuthoyamagni:
    Thameva bhaanthamanyubhaathi sarvam
    Thasya bhaasa sarvamidham vibhaathi’

    ( many Upanishads declare this truth)

    It is not the Sun, Moon or stars and not even the lightning or even Fire which we call illuminates, that brightens the universe. There is a Super Power Source that illuminates them all.

    That is God in our dictionary. Not an exam correcting teacher or a plastic factory owner!

    From the beginning if God was introduced as a phenomenon and not as a person, in due course, by their own experience, they will have God- realization, perhaps.

    Anyway bringing up a child is not a joke. If you have brought up a child, you know that. If you haven’t, make an attempt, God willing!

    How will God will, man! All your juicy organs have gone absolutely dry like the Hyderabad summer!

    Be realistic.

    In the picture. Baltimore sky, last evening.