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‘The biggest blunder I committed in my life was that I married you, Ammalu?’

‘I agree, SP. But, you had no other alternatives, then. Of the 28 girls you saw with the intention of marriage, all, except one, rejected you, outright at the very first sight. You offered a car drive for the last girl, in your own car, but stood before her with a hired bicycle, with a punctured tyre. She gave you a quarter coin for repairing the tyre and said good bye’

‘Then, why did you agree to marry me, madam?’

‘As my desire was only for a bicycle ride and your vahanam, vehicle was ready by then’

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Ammalu, now on, never invite me for your club meetings. How dare your assistant secretary to claim that women are equal to men, in all respects, in my presence?’

‘I banged her for uttering that in your presence. After you left, In my concluding speech, I told the august audience that wives are head and shoulder above their husbands in all respects, in every household, though to show respect to menfolk, in public, we talk that they are equal to us. I received a standing ovation for my clarification ‘

———————————————

‘Ammalu, I heard a shocking news . You threatened Ammini that you will throw her out of our house if she comes again. How dare you? Ammalu she is a respectable woman’

‘I know. That was why, I didn’t threaten her. I kicked her out’
———————————-

‘What is mesmerizing in me, Ammalu? Give me a honest answer’

‘If you want a really honest answer give me two minutes’

‘Sure’

‘I’m back with the answer. This is the ninth time you’re asking me the same question’

‘Your memory power is mesmerizing me’

‘It is not my memory power, but your money power. Every time, after you ask the same question, I got so bored that I pulled out a hundred rupee note from your wallet and transferred to mine. Just now I counted and found nine notes there in my wallet. Please ask the same question once more. I can buy  two blouse pieces’
——-

‘Is it true what I heard from Ammini about your English vocabulary, SP?’

‘She adores me as well as my language fluency’

‘Quiet possible. But, her story gives me a different version. It seems , in a file noting, you wrote, ‘I want you’, instead of ‘I warn you’ and forgot to sign. She didn’t notice what you wrote, and that file, with her signature, inadvertently reached the Director’s table, along with other files, The boss called Ammini and admonished her.

‘I’m sorry Ammini , I can’t oblige you,’ she told her it seems, ‘I’m already married and have a daughter of your age’
————————————

‘Ammalu, one fine morning you don’t find me at home, when you get up. Will you sit weeping in a corner or call your mom?’

‘I will drink my morning coffee and pour yours in the thermos’
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‘Tell me frankly Ammalu, what is your contribution in my achievements in life?’

‘I expected you to know that’

‘I don’t know. Ok, tell me just two most important contributions’

‘One, I made you father of our children and two——‘

‘It is ok. Attend to your work. I’m hungry’

‘So, you know the second most important one’
—————————-

‘Ammalu, I never told her so, believe me, completely. What else did she tell you about me?’

‘SP, I believe you completely. That’s why I don’t want to tell you what else she told about you’

‘It is alright. I’ll ask her’

‘Ask her, but she won’t tell you’

‘Why, she trusts me, completely’

‘She trusts you completely. But she can’t open her mouth for another month. My single thrash has paralyzed her face completely’

‘I have my best friend in this house and sorry Ammalu, that is not you’

‘Other than me and our cow Kavery, there is no other living being here. The moment you go near her, she kicks you left and right! And that is the closeness of your friendship!’

‘Poor Ammalu, my best friend is a woman, not an animal’

‘Very good. I’m looking for a woman to clean my bathrooms, as our servant maid is absent since yesterday. Bring your best friend out of the hideout, please’

‘My best friend for cleaning your bathrooms?’

‘Why not? If she is not prepared to help me, she is not your best friend. She is just an ordinary friend and I am not bothered. You have many such’

Ammalu, ask for any favor, I’m prepared to give you, but allow me to go wherever I want to, alone, all alone’

‘No problem. You would like to go after lunch or will be eating
in Pattu’s home?’

‘Who told you I’m going to visit Pattu?’

‘A wife who doesn’t know where her husband goes and from where he comes, is in danger. Any wife. And I’m not ‘any wife’. I’m SP’s wife’

‘How is our ninth century nine yards Narayani?’

‘Who is that?’

‘Your mom. Who else?’

‘She is in the kitchen’

‘AyYo, OMG! not your mother, my mother!’

‘Your mother’s name is not Narayani and she is not prehistoric like my mom but a lady of latest fashion donning jeans and T-shirt’

‘Ammalu, sorry for my slip of the tongue . I worship your mother next to Madurai Meenakshi. Uttered some nonsense without knowing that she is right in our house. Please ask your respected mom whether she will come with us for a movie’

‘With pleasure. I will call home now’

‘You said she is in the kitchen!!!’

‘She IS in the kitchen, HER kitchen’

———————-
‘So, Ammalu, with great difficulty, I have successfully completed the Shivarathri fast thrust on me, by you.
Smile charming lady’

‘Smile, how? Peanuts, cashew nuts, jaggery balls, puffed rice- the entire stock in my pantry has vanished in one day!
———————————

‘From now on, I want a separate room for myself, Ammalu.

‘Let me ask my mother and tell you’

‘Why your mother? Madam, this is my house, built from my money. None in the world including you, have any right over it’

‘I doubt’

‘What you doubt? Shall I show you the registration papers?’

‘I don’t believe in those papers’

‘Ammalu, the Registered document is the ultimate authority’

‘What does it show ?’

‘About my absolute ownership of this house’

‘If so, why did you ask for my permission to occupy one room for yourself? As a traditional wife, I trust your words more than any records’

‘Ok . I’m asking you to vacate my house. Now!’

‘Let me ask my mother?

‘Why? Why?’

‘As a modern women it is my right to stay her’

‘If that is the case, what’re you going to ask your mother?’

‘Whether I should allow you to stay here or not’

‘My inner conscious tells me Ammalu, that your mother brought you into this world only to trouble me. We’re poles apart in all respects’

‘You’re right SP. My outer conscious too tells me that’

‘You have no business to mock me’

‘Mocking? Now you’re joking Sir! Can’t I have a conscious of my own? Can’t it be outside when yours is inside, as I’m on the pole opposite to yours? Use your inner brain SP’
————————-

‘Ammalu, I see the newly wedded couple in our side portion, quarreling through out the day. Wonder when they romance!’

‘Throughout the night. And respected Sir, why are you concerned ?

‘SP, why did you dance last night when my friend Chandmukhi came home for watching the eclipse ? What is your age, and is this the way to behave when a friend comes to our house?’

‘Ammalu, your friend actually came to show off her gorgeous sari and not to see the lunar eclipse. Was there no moon in her sky?’

‘But why did you dance?’

‘For the simple reason that you didn’t observe her sari and ask me to buy a similar one for you’

‘Thank you for reminding me. We will go to Chettiar and buy two, one for my mom’
——————

‘You have an irreparable problem with you, SP,’ complained my friend’s wife. ‘you talk unnecessarily’. That was when I argued with her and favoring her husband, in their quarrel.

‘Ok, you both fight and break your heads. Why should I bother?’
I withdrew, dejected.

The next day, I visited them and found them quarreling again.
I didn’t utter a word.

‘Were you born dumb?, teased my friend’s wife in anger. ‘Open your mouth and say something, old man!’

‘Ammalu, you fought with me during our young days. I managed. You continue to fight with me. I don’t know where this will land us. I think I should consult our family astrologer Panikkar’

‘Please do that. I know where our young days’ fight landed us. You too know and I’m sure you’re happy about it. But, now? Really don’t know SP. Let the wise Panikkar tell us’

‘