Category: A10 — AMMULU STORIES AND OTHER FUN FOUNTAINS

‘Ammalu, if I’m not mistaken, you were not a smart or intelligent girl before my marrying you. I don’t want to use the word, ‘modhu”

‘True. Those qualities were my mother’s parting gifts to handle you’

‘To ‘handle’ me? You could have used the word ‘tackle’, instead’

‘It was not your problems that I had to tackle. You, yourself was my problem and therefore, I had to handle YOU, the whole of you.
You are not a ‘modhu’ not to know the difference’

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‘Ammalu, generally speaking, don’t you think that a husband who doesn’t control his wife’s extravagancy in money and words is a waste?’

‘I agree with you partly as I don’t like to use the word, ‘waste’. But, a wife who doesn’t have the same control on her husband, is certainly a waste. Generally speaking, I’m sure that you will be proud that your wife is not a waste’

‘I don’t want to waste my words in agreeing with your claim’

‘Very good. Be silent. I permit you’

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‘It is true that I have a number of friends, all from high socio circle, as I’m from that group. Why are you jealous, Ammalu?’

‘I’m not jealous of your high social status or your friends. My worry is about that circle. The speed with which it grows worries me. As it has no base or business , cause or conviction, it may burst anytime. It shouldn’t blow of your nose or ears, teeth or tuft’

‘I don’t have tuft!’

‘It will certainly appear, if your head get packed with such foolish claims, frank Volos, frustrating, which has no purpose or foundation’

‘Ammalu, if you don’t mind, tell me how you managed to organize so many words and what do they mean’

‘Answer simple. My high socio circle!’

 

 

 

‘It is true that I have a number of friends, all from high socio circle, as I’m from that group. Why are you jealous, Ammalu?’

‘I’m not jealous of your high social status or your friends. My worry is about that circle. The speed with which it grows worries me. As it has no base or business , cause or conviction, it may burst anytime. It shouldn’t blow of your nose or ears, teeth or tuft’

‘I don’t have tuft!’

‘It will certainly appear, if your head get packed with such foolish claims, frank Volos, frustrating, which has no purpose or foundation’

‘Ammalu, if you don’t mind, tell me how you managed to organize so many words and what do they mean’

‘Answer simple. My high socio circle!’

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‘Ammalu, generally speaking, don’t you think that a husband who doesn’t control his wife’s extravagancy in money and words is a waste?’

‘I agree with you partly as I don’t like to use the word, ‘waste’. But, a wife who doesn’t have the same control on her husband, is certainly a waste. Generally speaking, I’m sure that you will be proud that your wife is not a waste’

‘I don’t want to waste my words in agreeing with your claim’

‘Very good. Be silent. I permit you’

‘Ammalu, learn the basics of English, before our USA trip.

A’ for 🍎 ‘

That was when you were a child.
Now,
‘A for Ammalu, not for Apple,
Not certainly for Ammini
There is only one ‘A’,
And that is for Ammalu
Who gave you ‘B’ for babies.
‘C’ you remember this.
‘D’ for don’t , ‘F’ for forget.
(In between is ‘E’ for eat)
You won’t forget )
Then come ‘G’ and ‘H’
For good husband
Which you’re.
‘I’ say this, who else?

There is only one ‘S’ and one ‘P’
And that is for SP
And SP is mine.
Be a good boy
‘Y’ as in the boy’
Hope my ‘M’ a ‘N’
Your doubt is
‘Z’ for zero now.’

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‘Ammalu, you’re not just my wife, you’re my life. I can’t live without you. You don’t know how much I love you’

‘SP, stop this stupidity. I’m not your life; I’m your wife. And that is the truth. You will live without me, though with no food and I don’t want that to happen. I know that you love me. But no drama before me’

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‘At times I feel Ammalu, that we are a mismatch as husband and wife’

‘I feel so all the time’

‘Then, how are you keeping quiet?’

‘What should I do?’

‘You should try to match’

‘But, why? I’m happy with the present’

‘But, how?’

‘Because of this mismatch, I’m one step above you.
If we were in perfect match, I won’t be able to control you, as I’m doing now’

‘Ammalu, we ‘re in perfect match. I didn’t say this. Our astrologer Annadurai Iyer said’

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‘Can’t you look a bit more fashionable, Ammalu?’

‘I would love to, not a bit, but full length’

‘Full length ?’

‘Full length means your expenses on my clothing will be minimum’

‘Are you crazy, old woman?’

‘I’m not. I’m only trying to fulfill the desires of my husband’

‘My desire is you should have one more nine yards to wrap you around and look decent’

‘Ok, as you wish. Shall we go to Chettiar shop for buying extra saris?’

‘Ammalu, you will never allow me to live in peace. If I turn right, you attack. If I turn left, you attack!’

‘Sorry, SP. What about that ‘bit’, you wanted?’

‘You make me crazy, old woman. I expected too much from you’

‘No, you expected too little. That was where the bit came’

If you had 10% of my intelligent quotient, I witkd have taken you at least to one or two international conferences of intelligentsia, I attend on special invitation, Ammalu’

”I remember two international conferences you attended- one under the Chunnambuthara aalthara and the other on the Vadakkanthara kAvu aalthara. Apart from these two peepul tree bases within two kilometers from our house, if you have attended any more conferences, pease let me know. I will tell mother and she will be proud of you’

‘Ammalu, why take these small matters to that old lady?’

‘Small matters? Intelligent quotient of international participants is a small matter?’

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‘Lifebouy soap and Cuticura powder; Ovaltin and Horllicks. That was my luxurious childhood. And now I’m the master this family. There is no need for me to wait  for your food.
I’m making it very clear – from tomorrow, you will wait near my table, take orders, serve food, wait standing till I finish. Is it clear Ammalu?’

‘Yes, how much tips will you give me for each service?’

‘Tips, in my own house? To my own wife?’

‘Very good. In your own house, you should serve food for you and me. If food is not available, you should go to market, buy things, come and cook and serve. Please don’t forget to buy Lifebuoy soap, Cuticura powder,–‘

 

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Ammalu, when I turn back, fail to understand how me, a man of intelligence, wisdom, money and influence did agree to marry you, an Appiyer school third class- fail, ordinary, village girl?’

‘I don’t know all those. I remember your mother handing you over to me and telling me, ‘Konthai, child! Make him a man. Start from alphabets. He knows only ‘E’ for eating’

 

 

‘Ammalu, wonder where you would have been now, had you inherited my mother’s charm and my father’s intelligence’

‘I would have been your sister and not wife. Do you need the help of  Einstein or Edison to guide you in your research project to discover this obvious, simple answer?’

Tips. Ammalu working in the kitchen, he behind . In his imagination his father before his bookshelf and mother watching him or doing any work

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Cartoon Ramki, Chennai.

‘Ammalu when did Venki leave on pilgrimage ?’

‘On first January’

‘From that day his wife is waiting at the gate looking for his return. What an affectionate wife is Sankari!’

‘How could it be? It takes at least a fortnight to complete the trip and return. She might be waiting from Jan. 15/16.’

‘Why did she tell me that she has been waiting from day one, Venki left?’

‘As she knows that you will believe any woman saying anything’

Facebook ‘awesome’, spreads to home!

‘You are awesome,’ says a  kind FB  friend.

‘I’m’, I concedes humbly.

‘How?’ Asks Ammalu, after living with me for four decades.

‘You want me to prove?,’ I ask her beating my chest.

‘Yes, please’, submits the innocent, ignorant woman.

‘I can tell you accurately, the sum of 2 + 2, without working on the calculator’

‘How much?’, asks my admirer anxiously.

‘Four!’

‘You are AWESOME’, declares the jubilant wife.

I’m awesome!

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‘Ammalu, if the couple stay separate for a few days, their intimacy will increase it seems’

‘Aren’t we intimate enough now?’

‘We are, of course. But it will increase, it seems’

‘Don’t you think that more intimacy is injurious for our age?’

‘Yes, I do.’

‘Then, why did you suggest?’

‘I didn’t suggest. I just quoted someone’

‘Ask that someone to see me’

‘Ammalu, it was our Ammini. How can I ask her to meet you for this purpose?’

‘Now I understood. You went there and blabbered some nonsense trying to develop intimacy with her and she wanted to teach you a lesson’

‘Ammalu, our Ammini–‘

‘She is not our Ammini. She has a husband to claim her as his.. Now on, you won’t go out of our gate without my permission’

‘So, the idea of staying separate is given a go by?’

‘No” I’m going to my mother . You will be alone here. Let me see which of your ‘own’ people come and feed you’