Category: A01 — SHORT STORIES

‘Give me your blessings uncle. Your blessings, not god’s. I don’t believe in God ‘

‘Oh!’

‘I don’t believe in astrology and other worn out practices’

‘Oh!’

‘We are in the 21st century, a free world. People forget that’

‘Oh!’

‘Why do you say, ‘oh, oh’ and nothing else ?’

‘You love a girl?’

‘Yes, yes, how did you know, uncle?’

‘You love her madly?’

‘Ya’

‘You can’t live in this world without her?’

‘Ya’

‘Your parents and in fact, the whole world is opposing you?’

‘Ya’

‘Why do you say, ‘ya, ya’ for everything. When do you want to get marry? Tomorrow, next week?’

‘How uncle, how will you arrange when my parents are against, her parents are against and the whole world is against?’

‘None of your concern. You want to marry that girl. Come along with her at sharp ten, to the Ganapathy temple. Muhoortham is 10-11.30am’

‘Uncle, what are you saying? How can a marriage be performed in such a great hurry? It is a life long affair. We have to see the planets’ position, discuss about dowry, how her income will be utilized, will her parents expect their share, there are many things to be thought about, discussed and arrived at the correct decision’

‘Hmm’

‘And what about her consent? Her mother is everything for her. Will she leave her here and come along with me? We should respect her feelings. Don’t you think so?’

‘Hmm!’

‘Why do you say, ‘hmm, hmm for everything uncle?’ Give me an answer’

‘Your coffee is ready on the table. Enjoy and go home. Have a happy 2017. My blessings, not god’s’

‘Vicha, the newspaper fellow claims that he didn’t collect his bill for the last three months. Is he right?’

‘Anna, how do I know? You settle all bills and not me!’

‘So, you have no responsibility in this house? You are careless, forgetful, irresponsible—‘

‘Anna, I saw some clothes in the washing machine’

‘Oh, woo, woo, lying there for the past three days. Forgot completely’

‘You forgot to pickup the clothes from the machine for three days?’

‘Yes, yes, yes, yes’

‘And you shout at me for not remembering a three month old transaction where I had no role to pay?’

‘Oh, woo, woo, shall I make masala dosa for you for dinner ?’

A day of chats, it looks today.

‘Mama, namaskaram, aaseervaadam pannunkol’

‘Namaskaram, deerghasumangali bhava’

‘How do you know that I’m a sumangali?’

‘You called me ‘mAma’ ; so you should be a ‘mAmi’

‘If I’m unmarried?’

‘Still my blessings hold’

‘If I don’t want to marry?’

‘Still my blessings hold. Mangalam is auspiciousness. You will have it for long’

‘I’m your FB friend mama’

‘I know that. That was how you could chat with me’

‘I’m not like your other friends’

‘I know that too’

‘How, how?’

‘No one has told me what you said just now. So, you are different from others’

‘Thanks, uncle’

‘From mama to uncle?’

‘Yes, you don’t seems to be as old as I thought . Can I ask you something?!

‘Please go ahead, madam’

‘Mami to madam?!

‘You seems to be the daughter and not a mother. Go ahead with your question’

‘Thanks again. Are you really a bad character as you depict about about yourself?’

‘When did I do that ?’

‘Mostly. Your stories, poses with wine bottles, your jokes’

‘You consider those bad?’

‘Not bad, but I don’t like those’

‘If those are bad, I’m bad’

‘But you don’t look that bad’

‘I’m not that bad’

‘So you are not very good too?’

‘What is very good?’

‘Look like an elderly Brahmin, spiritual, matured, deal with topics which usualły people of your age talk about etc, etc’

‘I don’t have that elderly, matured, scholarly, spiritual look?’

‘No says my husband. He doesn’t like you’

‘I know that’

‘How do you know? He hasn’t told that to anyone except me! How did you come to know about it? Are you really the Mahamuni of Baltimore?’

‘Your husband is talking to me on phone’

‘Please, please don’t tell him that I told you about his dislike for you’

‘No need. He has told me his opinion about me’

‘What is that?’

‘I have a matured, spiritual, scholarly look!’

‘But, he told a lie to me?’

‘Don’t get emotional. All husbands tell one or two lies to their sweet hearts everyday’

‘You too?’

‘Pappa, I’m like any other man!’

‘Pappa!’

‘You seems to be ignorant of the basic knowledge a wife should possess’

‘Who is the best wife, according to you, mama?’

‘The woman who loves her husband best’

‘And no other qualities?’

‘All other qualities will automatically come. If a married couple love, sincerely love each other, all other attributes will automatically join them. Deficiency if any, will vanish or will be forgiven in due course . Love covers everything’

‘You talk like a saintly, matured, scholarly person. But shall I tell you one thing: your thinking is outdated. How can a woman love her husband if he is a good- for- nothing man? And how can love be unconditional? How can love cover deep deficiencies ?
Be reasonable uncle. You belong to two centuries behind in thinking and four centuries behind in your looks ‘

‘So, poor score for me?’

‘No, you are good for a chat till the cooker whistles thrice’

‘Your cooker has done its job?’

‘That is my husband’s look out . He does my entire kitchen work’

‘And you love him, sincerely?

‘I love him madly. The husband knowing cooking is free from any deficiencies ‘

‘That is the current century’s theory ?’

‘Of course. Bye. Gd dy oldie!’

 

Hyderabad winter has a warmth in its approach, unlike the Baltimore or New Jersey counter part. She slides her soft hand through my chin; doesn’t strangulate me. She whispers, doesn’t yell; She sings love songs, not beat war drums.

Madhavi’s parents had invited for Rudrabhishekam in their house. I forgot the engagement. It was 9,30 am when I got up this morning. I did get up twice before but thought why get up so early. In the morning hours, it is a pleasure in remaining on the bed, pushing head into the gap of two or three pillows soft, silky. I was like that during my early days. History repeats, not sure in other cases, but sure in late getting up in the morning hours.

Mohana’s reminder on landline . ‘Called you several time, your mobile is not working?’ Hurried to pick it up. Oh, no. No charge in the mobile. Had kept for charging last night, but the charger failed me. No problem. Haven’t I all these years lived without a mobile? Where is my electric shaver ? Oh, no charge in it too. No problem. Looked for the razor. No trace. No problem . No harm if participated in the Japam with hairs on the face. Rushed to bathroom, poured a dozen mugs of water over head, no soap , no cheekai powder. Have been using those daily. No damage, if skipped a day. The lessons on Crisis Management learned long ago, came to mind and I applied the theories fast. But was a total failure with Vicha. No problem. He will improve in due course. There is plenty of time. He is only 78.

Kept some rice and vegetables for Vicha in a hurry on the stove and wanted to ask him to switch off the cooker after three whistles. But where is he?

Vicha had sneaked into the ‘restroom’. While in India, for me, it is a bath cum toilet, for him it is a real ‘restroom’! The moment he enters in, switches on the heater as he needs hot water for washing too, even for a small, localized wash. Then he sits on the pot and starts singing Pattanathar or Masthan Sahib. In his peak days, he used to sing Kathakali songs too but not now. While singing K.songs, one has to move his head and limbs which is against my brother’s habits nowadays.

I knocked the door. No response. Again and again I knocked. Later he told me that he mistook my knocks for the batting sound from the front where kids were playing cricket on the street. I could hear his clapping, presumably to encourage a boy who knocked a sixer.

Rudrabhishekam would have commenced.

‘Viswanatha!’
I called. God is great. ‘Deivam manushyaroopena’, they say. Hyderabad Viswanathan opened the door and enquired, ‘you called me Anna?’

‘No, why?’

He said something but I could not hear. My hearing aid battery was dead.. No problem. I have a box full packed by Megh. But, where is my goggle ? How to search for the batteries? I lifted my right hand to my eyes and found the area blank. No problem. I can follow the lip movement of vadhyar and follow him. But, what happened to the pressure cooker? The three whistles would have come out during the past few seconds when I pulled down the door of my aid for recharge. I rushed to the kitchen. I had not lighted the stove! . No problem.

Phone rings. . Thought it was from my cousin Cartoonist Ramki with whom I was earlier discussing about a character’s sketch and replied hurriedly, ‘I like her back more than her front’

I kept down the phone.

The phone rang again.

Now, I could hear the voice from the other end as the battery, when reconnected worked. It will be active for a few more seconds.
The Call was from Mohana!

‘Anna, while I’m waiting for you here, you are telling me about your birthday wishes!
I will call every one in USA and inform about your preference!’

Now there is a problem, a real problem.

Cartoon courtesy   Ramki of Chennai

‘With so much load on your head, you are able to laugh and laugh so loud?’, commented Dr.Rao, , who stays a few houses away, when we met last evening. I was sad to see the man who had repaired the legs of several patients had to use a stick to walk a few yards!

‘What else can I do?’, I asked, ‘laughing gives more support than weeping’

I had observed the power of laughing as a boy. There was a Rama Iyer, who worked as water carrier at the Olavakkode Railway junction. He was tall, seen bare chested mostly.

‘Mama, chiriyinkol – please laugh’. We, children used to request and instantly he used to produce a powerful, happy laugh for a few seconds. Probably, he had a minor nervous disorder but whatever it be, his action used to make us happy. Since then, I have never seen a man who produces laugh on request, instantly, happily.

Invariably, I don’t laugh, except while alone, without a reason. I cut a joke at a lady who passed by, raising her sari much above her ankles, on seeing a small patch of water on her way. Her action reminded me another lady who pulled her sari -end away from me to ensure that it didn’t touch me if moved by the wind. There was no need for that as she was a meter away and unless there was a storm, the possibility of what she feared was not there! Over cautious was she, I thought.

Had the present ‘madi’ lady asked me the reason for my laugh, I would have told her, ‘that much height is not required. A few centimeters above the feet would have been sufficient!’

‘You come back from America to observe the distance of the sari-hike of women passing through your front?’

She would have certainly asked. As I had more valid reasons for coming back to my country, I would have explained those to her and by that time, the wet patch on the road would have gone dry and she could have gone back home without disturbing her sari.

Dr. Reddy was perhaps right in using the word, ‘so loud’ . The
lady’ s action didn’t merit a big laugh, perhaps. Yes, I feel now that I should not have laughed loud.

once the laugh breaks out, it doesn’t go by any scale.
That is the advantage of laughing. But, alas, all can’t laugh.
Laughing is good for all, especially old people. The Lord of death will hesitate to come near. He wants people to weep. It hurts his ego, if his prospective victims laugh instead of weeping!

‘Are, Shivudu, navuthunAvA, naeanu evaru thelusa? You know who I’m, laughing useless fellow?’ He will ask me and also answer himself his query, while I continue laughing at him. ‘Yemadharma Raju- I’m Yemadharma raja!’

‘if you are a raja, you should come in a chariot or riding a horse!’

He will have no reply. But while, going back home, he will muse and wonder why he was provided a dirty looking dark buffaloe and not a majestic bull or a smart bird like Garuda.
My words will ring in his years for quite sometime. That is how we should be. Point out the poverty of the Lord of Death.

Death is not everything. It is something, that is all.

Im not interested in ‘something’.

They came to invite me for their wedding. Don’t remember the young man’s name but I can’t forget the young lady’s name. She was Karthi, the abridged version of Karthyayani, her original name . My daughter in law had told me before their arrival that they were living together for more than a year in an apartment a few miles away from us and in fact, she had taken me to their house for an evening tea, sometime ago.
‘They are already husband and wife if they are living together!’
I exclaimed.
Either she didn’t hear what I said or heard but thought that no response was called for. So, she got me a tumbler of warm water!
‘Your water consumption is inadequate, dad!’
Coming back to Karthi.
‘You must come for our wedding and bless us uncle,’ said Karthi while Seth ( I recollect his name now- Seth, for Sethuraman) endorsed her request, nodded his head and said, ‘yes, uncle, you should’
As an elderly gentleman, I should have blessed and wished them. Instead, I asked her, ‘Weren’t you there in Seth’s house when I came there the other day?’
Seth was trying to say something, my son and DIL were trying to say something but before a word slipped from their mouth,
Karthi jumped from her seat and replied,
‘me? No uncle no. The girl you saw, was my twin sister whom I had sent there for making decoction coffee, knowing that you drink only quality coffee. How was the coffee and onion pakoda Arthi made?’
Again, every one wanted to say something, but I jumped from my seat ( though not as forcefully as Karthyayani did) and said,
‘What? Onion Pakoda? Who gave me onion pakoda? What I ate was onion oothappam’
Now Karthi was cool. She came close to me, adjusted my ear aid and said, ‘uncle there is marked difference between onion pakoda and onion oothappam, but you could not tell the difference. I am, therefore, not at all surprised that you
got confused between me and my twin sister!’
I stood blinking! Others too sat blinking.
Getting up from her seat Karthi said affectionately, ‘you should come for our wedding, uncle. You should’
‘I will, Karthi,’ I said, getting up from my seat and patting her back.
After they left I told my daughter in law,
‘Megh, I’m absolutely certain that whom I saw there was this girl Karthi and what I ate was onion oothappam. Don’t you agree?’
‘Yes dad,’ she confirmed and kept a tumbler of warm water near me.
‘My water consumption is inadequate?’
‘Yes, dad’