Shivam Diaries

Author: shivam

  • My Trichur days part 2

    Father accompanied me in my maiden trip to Trichur to take up my first job, despite my telling it was not necessary.
    “I I’ll introduce you to Dr. Vaithukkutty Athimbar and Vadakkunnathan, who will be your local guardians at Trichur,” he said. The former was our relative and Vadakkunnathan, the presiding deity of Trichur.
    During the train journey which lasted nearly two hours, he unleashed the story of his struggles to build up his business and how he expected me to take over from him and raise it to higher levels. ” I’m not disappointed though, as business is not your cup of tea, according to your mother. But, I can tell you that it has many advantages, compared to working for others. In your business, you are your master. You, not someone else, controls your time . You work for your uplift first and then that of others. Risks are there in business but risks are there in any jobs. If a necessity comes later, you are not left without a job. You have one on hand. Remember this”
    He took out his Brasso- bright betel leaf casket, from his hand bag, shared the contents with one or two, enjoyed the chew slowly and then enquired about the nature of work expected to be allotted to me. I explained.
    “So, you will be dealing with agricultural workers. You will be handling their blood and excreta samples for analysis” my father continued, “handling men are more difficult than handling their blood and their waste but your childhood experience in our Akaththethra agricultural lands, will come to your help. No knowledge goes waste. At one time or other, what you learned, will come to your help”
    “I wish I had acquired a small percentage of your skill in personnel relationship”
    I said smiling. “you have many of my qualities including handling words. But remember, honesty is the basic requirement for success in any profession”
    “There are instances when honest men had to lose their jobs” I quipped..
    “Jobs yes, but not their soul” Appa argued. “Their conscious will never prick them. A man with a conscious of Narasimhamoorthy ‘s teeth and nails, kills him silently every minute”
    “The other requirements of equal importance are control over yourself, control over time, money, thoughts, words etc. This is not to say that professional competence has no importance. This is to say that professional competence without the above qualities, won’t take you far”
    In my long life journey, Appa’s words of wisdom in the train and earlier, have been a guide or reference book for me.
    My maiden visit to the Vadakkunnathan temple and other shrines a long with my father, is still clear in the mirror of my mind, especially the recitation of my Rudram, Chamakam japam, along with him, who was my Guru for my Vedic lessons.
    To continue

  • My life story- Trichur life — part 1

    October 31, is important for me too.
    It was on that day, at 58, exactly 20 years before, I retired from service. Mahtab S Bamji, 60, was another colleague who retired along with me, the same day.
    While thanking the Director and other colleagues at the farewell get together, I didn’t forget to mention Smt. Saroja, who was instrumental for my entry into the prestigious Institution, which I served for nearly four decades except for a short interval when I went on deputation in a senior capacity at another National Institute.
    Smt. Saroja with her husband Ramachandran and their kid, occupied the side portion of our house. My Appa, casually told Saroja, soon after my clearing the exam, to help me in getting a position, as all parents of those days used to do. She spoke to her father in the Pasture Institute, Conoor and within a week, I received the appointment order, without any formal personal interview. I was asked to report to one Dr, Ganapathy, Ganapathy Agraharam, Poonkunnam, Trichur. By that time, I had another job offer as a Silt Analyst, also from a Government Inst. in Assam, at a much higher salary, more than double, but Appa said,” Trichur is only two hours journey from home. You can come on week ends or I can go there to see you. Assam is 4 days’ journey” . So, no Assam. My loving father never knew, nor me then, that within six months, I would be transferred to Hyderabad, for ever!
    Dr. Ganpathy Iyer of Ganapathy Agraharam, my first boss, would be a prominent oldie, with a pot belly, who would yell if my chemical analysis go wrong somewhere, was my fear, which I shared with Appa too.” He can’t be worse than me; you will be able to manage him”. He encouraged me.
    To my surprise, the person I reported for duty, was an young, charming personality, smiling, courteous, soft spoken and his wife who had joined him, a few months before, was an ideal match for him in looks and behavior. I was a brother with a different mother, for that young couple. Dr. Ganapathy’s mother also stayed with the newly married couple and I used to enjoy the daughter in law’s ” Amma, poochai vandathu” and the elderly lady’s correction, “poochai alla, poonai nnu chollu”
    Dr. Ganapathy, after coming to Hyderabad, resigned and later became a legend in serving lepers. For the sacrifices he made, he was awarded a Padma . There was no need for that. His wife Padma was the biggest award God gave him. Not long before his death, he came to Hyderabad to attend a conference on leprosy along with his wife. She was kind enough to visit me and I went to meet him in his hotel room. He was exhausted after the meeting and I asked why he came for the conference with such fragile body. “My eagerness to support my patients hasn’t become fragile, Shiva”, he said smiling. I won’t be seeing that smile again, but his patients and innumerable others, benefitted by his support, will continue to, throughout their life, in their mind.
    An hour after my reporting to him, there comes Dr. M.C. Swaminathan, his senior and our team head at Trichur. Man! such a simple and friendly officer, I never had in my career. We became friends , right from the first meeting.
    I was lucky to attend his wedding at Chennai, later. We became still closer, when Swaminathans bought a house near mine and the friendship still continues. They are in USA now, with their daughters.
    ( To continue )

  • Ammalu

    “There is a style in Ammini’s sari wearing, Ammalu”
    “I know. She has her style; I have mine. Every one has his or her own style. Don’t you have your own?
    While singing you move your hands as if you are punching some one. When you see a friend of mine on the street, either you keep smiling or keep your mouth fully opened in awe, for five minutes. Her style might be different. Either she might look at another angle or walk way, without telling a word to you”.
    “Ammalu, I’m sorry you mistook me. I wanted to tell you that I didn’t like Ammini’s sari wearing style”
    “That again is your another style. To her, you would have said, “Ammini, you look like a cine star in this new sari”
    “True. Those were my actual words. How did you come to know that? I’m worried, you might be having some remote speech- capturing devises”
    ” I have no devises. Ammini told me”
    —————————-
    “She looks marvelous, from the back”
    “From the front?”
    “Have I ever looked at the front of any woman, since our marriage, Ammalu?”
    “Thank you. I relax my rule. Now, you can”
    “If she happens to be your mom?”
    “She is. Hence the relaxation of rule”
    ————————–
    “You have done your duty as a devoted wife and therefore you can retire and go to your mom’s house. I have failed in my duty as a responsible husband and therefore, I need to go to Himalayas and do tapas to atone my sin”
    “You are escaping from the house, just to avoid the Diwali inaam seekers. I’ll do your job as a devoted wife, in your absence”
    “Cash, from where?”
    “Already removed from your wallet leaving a five Rupee note for your train fare to the Himalayas”
    ————————–
    “As per our old practices, from the day one of their wedding, the husband should sit and the wife should stand. Always stand. Hope you are taught this by your father, Ammalu”
    “My father told me, when I was sitting on his lap and you were standing before me to tie the maangalya soothram, ‘Ammalu, see him standing before you, while you are sitting. Always maintain this position. That is the practice, passed on to us from generation to generation. Always remember this’”
    ———————————————
    “I’m glad that I married you, Ammalu”
    “I’m excited that you said it after 50 years!”
    ——————————
    “Ammalu, ‘there is a woman behind every man’s success’, they say.
    In our house, it is opposite. I’m behind your success”
    “You are only behind me. I’m your success, SP garu”

  • Ammalu is always right

    “Wherever you go, why carry the iPad?”
    “As, I can’t carry you, Ammalu!. Other than you, this iPad is my only constant companion, though with a difference. It doesn’t speak, you don’t stop talking”
    “A woman who doesn’t open her mouth and nods her head in agreement for everything her husband says, is his biggest enemy”
    ———————————————–
    The drunkard husband arrives home, late as usual.
    He knows his wife won’t open the door; so he decides to tell a lie that he bought her flowers & knocks at the door.
    Wife: Who is it ?
    Hubby : Me, who else? I brought flowers for the pretty lady.
    Wife opens the door and asks : Where are the flowers?”
    Happily entering inside and glancing all over the interior, the hubby asks:
    “Where is the pretty lady ?”
    ———————-
    “I would have kicked him out” said Ammalu, when I showed her this story.
    “You didn’t throw me out ?” I replied.
    “Because, you didn’t say that you brought flowers
    I liked your not telling a lie, which is rare for you”. That was her reply.
    —————————————
    “While traveling in bus, please sit at my back seat so that I can maintain my higher status, Ammalu”
    “If you assure me that you won’t pick up quarrel with other passengers or won’t sing loud, I shall certainly oblige you. Pinching sitting close to you, is between us. Screwing your ear from the back will become a public show”

  • She is a girl and she is wonderful

    The respected womenfolk who came for Bommakolu, called me aside, when Ammalu was busy inside.
    “SP Sir, Ammalu is a wonderful girl”. No woman says that about another woman and I therefore anticipated them to ask the next question, the purpose for which they had approached me.
    “Yes she is” I admitted, “she is a girl and she is wonderful”
    “SP Sir, what is your opinion about old men?” . The cat comes out of the bag. So, they are determined to browbeat me.
    “They are a nuisance”.
    Ladies, how many like you haven’t I seen in life ?
    They didn’t expect such an instant and juicy reply from me.. I continued,”It is much easier to manage kids and pets than old men. Kids, you can send out for playing, give homework or sit out and if nothing works, you can shout or even strike. Pets, you can chain. None of these will come to your support with oldies”
    “Wah! What a wisdom!” In one voice they exclaimed, “Sir, show us the way. We all have an old bird in our tree. We call him Garuda, but he is an owl, doing nothing but keeping an eye on our movements, nagging, murmuring and crying when our husband returns from the office”.
    “Request the old man in your house to twist kaimurukku”.
    Women generally are good guessers , but they didn’t expect my blow.
    Ammalu peered in, hearing the word murukku, followed by pin drop silence and sudden burst of claps.
    “But, Sir, how? Even many of us don’t know that trick ; how do you expect the old man in our house to know twisting murukku?” Each of them flashed the same question.
    “That exactly is the reason why you should give him the task”
    “If he refuses?” A wise lady asked a valid question.
    “Tell him that his grand child wants to eat the snack made by him and he wants only murukku. No grand pa will say, ‘no’”
    “It will keep him busy the whole day,” I continued.” Moreover, he gets good exercise for his fingers and palm. The sitting on the floor eases the rigidity of his back and legs. He will get up several times to visit restroom, come back and sit- all theses are relaxation techniques.
    Old people are easy preys for addiction and he will go to bed moving his fingers. And the next day he will look at your face anxiously expecting the same request,you made the previous day. But he has already made a mess yesterday and you won’t ask him to twist murukku again, So,quietly, you show him the rosary, the string of Tulsi beads, hanging from the hook along with the picture of a god in the pooja room. He will start moving the beads and sit in a corner, closing his eyes. After a few hours, when he gets bored, give him two small balls and ask him to keep rotating in his palms.
    His son, observing his dad playing with balls, when he returns late from office, will ask you, how it happened. You explain to him. He will hug you and praise your intelligence. You tell him, smilingly, “you twist murukku this Sunday and improve blood circulation in your hands, back, neck and legs. You need the exercise more than your dad”
    I stopped, looked around as if what came out of my mouth was only a milli of my intelligence and enquired, ” any more question, sweet ladies?”
    One lady, overcome by emotion, came forward to hug me, a usual practice here, but withdrew reluctantly observing Ammalu’s stern face.
    “She is a girl and she is wonderful ” I commented. The good lady was not pleased. But my old lady was.

  • Ammalu is always right

    “No, this won’t last long – your enslaving me for ever, by chaining me to your shaky arm chair, Ammalu. If I send a post card, my children will bring a Pushpak vimAnam and fly me to America”
    “Post card? Why not call them? They have provided you a free telephone”
    “Am I a fool to do that? They will say, ‘dad, be there obeying what Amma says. For a change , you can go for a movie . Mom will give you money”
    ————————————————————
    “Ammalu, uproot and discard the notion firmly rooted in your mind that I’m surviving because of you, now, right now. Without you, I can eat, I can dress up, I can dress my hairs, I can button my shirt, I can lace my shoes and walk erect, keeping my head high. Remember that. And pass on this message, to the old lady in your natal house too”
    “I shall. Before I go to my mom, let me clean the coffee stain from your shirt and remove the rice sticking to your lip”
    ——————————————————-
    “Ammalu, you want to ask me something. Don’t be afraid. Come on, be free. I’m not a Rakshas or predator, to eat you. I’m a normal good husband. What is your doubt? What is that you want to know about me? What is that you expect from me?”
    ” I want to know will you ever become a normal good husband?”
    —————————————–
    “Ammalu, half my properties I’ll pass on to you, if you——”
    “Wait a minute, please. Tell me how many halves can you create out of one?”
    “Why? Only two halves”
    “I doubt. You have already promised half of your properties to eight women friends of yours”
    ——————————————
    “There is a music when Ammini walks, though I’m unable to identify the tune”
    “I can help you . MalayamArutham”
    “Wind from a hill top. Yes, it is”
    “No, wind that moves a mountain”
    “Ammalu, you are unkind to your friend”
    “SP Sir, her pAvAda nAda, (string of the under garment) got loose. The poor thing was struggling to keep the inner wear in position, which called for some movements of the lower parts. Your mind goes musical about anything connected to any woman”
    “Any woman? Is Ammini any woman for you?”
    “Unless She is your woman . Then the scenario changes”
    “Stupids always talk stupidly”
    “Scholars too, at times”
    “Ammalu, my BP us shooting up”
    “Here is a message to bring down your BP, SP. I just received a call from Ammini. She has safely reached home with her PAvAda in its place”
    “Am I here to discuss about the update of the under garment status of any woman, you silly woman?”
    “Hip, hip, hurray! Thank you my loving hubby. You said Ammini is ‘any woman’”
    —————————————-
    Cine stars like Padukone and Pather Panchali were waiting to marry me, but I chose you to do you a favor. Better you remember this always, Ammalu”
    “I shall, if my memory continues to be steady as it is now”
    “How do you say it is steady now?”
    “As, I well remember that Padukone was not born when you married me to do me a favor and Pather Panchali was not the name of a girl but a movie”
    ————————————————–
    “I love you because you never obeyed me, Ammalu”
    “Had I been obeying you?”
    “We both would have gone to dogs”l

  • Ammalu is always right

    “Why don’t we go round the park opposite to our house, holding hand in hand, on a moonlit night, to celebrate our living together peacefully, joyfully, lawfully, for fifty long years, Ammalu?”
    “I’m still filled, thrilled, shrilled with the excitement of your first holding my hand, to go round the sacred fire, to mount the stone for your decorating my toes with rings and showing me the Star Arundathy. Don’t do any stupid things now and spoil my memory still fresh like a lovely forest stream .
    —————————-
    “Go wherever you want to, you need not tell me the destination or when you will be back home. But don’t disturb me by calling every five minutes to enquire whether food is ready. If it is ready, I will inform you”
    “How, when you don’t know my whereabouts?”
    “Whether her husband is near or far, a wife has the God – given intuition to know his movements. You call it an animal instinct, but she has that”
    “Had I known this earlier, I would have been more cautious”
    “It is OK: now be cautious. Go and come back soon”
    “No, Ammalu. I’m not going”
    —————————————————————
    “Ammalu, Durga Ma appeared in my dream and exhorted, ‘SP, worship Ammalu. She is your goddess, not me’”
    “I believe your words but wonder how the Divine mother managed to enter your brain clearing all the cobwebs!”
    —————————————————————

  • Navarathri musing

    Full nine days and nine eights, at our disposal, to divert at least a portion of the day or night towards the Ultimate Reality, now we call that Supreme Force or Power as Mahatripurasundari or in short, Amba, still shorter Mother, further shorter Ma, a familiar alphabet.
    Such intervals, call it tea time, if you like, are earmarked not only to unwind our minds from the routine life, but also to turn our eyes towards inside and muse upon us, our life, we have already walked through.
    Who am I ? How did I reach so far in my walk all through these years? Was it exclusively my intelligence, education, ability that brought me to this stage or was there an unknown hand, which guided me at least on certain occasions and made me to cross the deep trenches and tall hills? How did some lapses occur despite all my best abilities and efforts? Those shouldn’t have happened, but did happen, though I had no role. Who have made that to happen?
    Such train of thoughts, which don’t occur during our busy days, if allowed to developed during the auspicious days, or any other days, there is a possibility of our
    mind getting cleaner, lighter. Such minds open doors for positive thoughts and once mind start thinking positively, days ahead would be brighter. There will be only Deepavali in our mind.
    I used to wonder on Deepavali nights, how great it would be if all the homes in my town, all the homes all over my country, every home in every country, is always as bright as it looks now! While hearing the crackers which burst with big noise for a short while and then become silent leaving behind only burnt, charred paper pieces and ash I ask myself is not my life like this? Make some noise, become silent and turn into ash?
    Yes, that exactly was my suggestion that we should try to utilize such short intervals like Navarathry, to look within us and if possible also look up at the sky at that Supreme Reality, MA, in the shortest form and thank Her for giving us life, and tell Her, yes, I’ll live a worthy life. Will never bring you a bad name, because you are my MA.
    Once that link between mom and child is revived, mind becomes light like a feather.
    Enjoy in the Divine Mother.

  • Ammalu Is always right

    Be a sport, Ammalu, instead of spending your life inside the house”
    “You want me to play football or sneak into friends’ house and enjoy their quarrel, as you do?”
    “The second one is a better option considering your age”
    “Done. From now on, you are doing the cooking, mopping and washing the clothes”
    “That is very unsportive of you, Ammalu”
    “Then let us play foot ball”
    ——————————————
    “Ammalu, quick. Hide under the cot. Pattamma is coming. I had told her that I packed you off to your mom’s house”
    “Better, you hide. It is my mom, not Pattamma coming. I had told her I packed you off to your mom’s house”
    “But I have neither a mom nor a house”
    “That is why she is coming to verify. She says, even fifty years after being with you, I haven’t learned A,B,C,D of lying from you”
    ————————————————
    “To atone for all my misbehavior, I have decided to worship you during the nine auspicious days and nights, placing you among the dolls for veneration. You need to get down only for making sweet foods to offer to gods, including you”
    “Not a bad idea. I will step down once more- when I hear your opening the front door to sneak out and to follow you, with a sword in hand, borrowed from the neighboring goddess chasing you wherever you go”
    “I’ll go to Mars!”
    “Wherever you go, I said”
    “I know Ammalu, you certainly belong to another planet, landed here only to trouble me”
    “So, the worship plan?”
    “Dropped. Women join hands to harass husbands and I won’t be surprised if you manage to borrow a sword”
    ———————————————————
    “All the copies of the first print of my book titled,’how to escape from the tyranny of women’, sold, Ammalu”
    “Can you somehow get a few copies back?”
    “For whom?”
    “For your sisters’ husbands and other close relatives of your family. I’m sure they won’t spend money from their pocket and buy your books”
    “My sisters !!!!! Ammalu, what nonsense are you talking?”
    “Why, they are not women?”
    —————————————————/—
    “Maintain your status as the wife of a prolific writer.
    Talk to our maid and milkman only in English”
    “Prolific? What is that?”
    “Refer Amazon or Oxford”
    “Who are they?”
    “Ammalu, Oxford was the name of our maid Oyyaram before she joined us and Amazon is our milkman Aaseervaadam”
    ” Shall I ask them the meaning of the word, ‘prolific’, if you don’t know ?”
    ————————————–
    “All the way, I had to come to marry you, spending money and your mom didn’t reimburse a pie toward train fare and tea expenses. Stingy woman!’
    ” I forgot to tell you. when she came here last time, she asked me to hand over this amount ”
    “Three rupees, thirty pie? for thirty people, towards train ticket and travel expenses form Palakkad to Thiruvnanthapuram?”,
    “Thirty people didn’t come to marry me. Only you came for that purpose”
    ‘My own expense was more than fifty rupees Ammalu”
    “OK. produce the actual bill and collect the balance amount”
    ” Actual bill, after 50 years?”
    “Demanding train fare and travel expenses, after fifty years ?”
    —————————————–
    “What is the big intimate relationship between husband and wife? I don’t see anything”
    “You see me standing before you despite your provocative statement? That answers your question”
    ————————————————–
    “As you asked, I told mom that you like me”
    “What was her reply?”
    “‘Too late but not too little from a man like SP’”
    ————-/——————————————–

  • Moon, your music flows

    Moon, your music flows in my inner stream, what a melody!
    Your cool breath forms waves like a bride’s anklets, shy,
    Humming love songs on her maiden entry to her man’s chamber.
    Oh, stars you are already shining in my inner sky!
    It was you, I saw first on my mom’s face and then in her feeding
    In her sweet words and songs when she put me to sleep
    Even in her scolding you were there as black spots; on her leaving
    She left you in my memory to ensure that I don’t weep.