Shivam Diaries

Author: shivam

  • Ammalu is amazing

    “Keep a watch on your husband’s movements, Ammalu”
    “Mom, he is not a kid; nor a teenager, not even a middle aged one. He is an old man. What type of watch do you want me to have on him?”
    “Just to ensure that he doesn’t slip and fall!”
    “Oh, I’m relieved. I thought you were about to throw a bomb at me!”
    “You need a bouquet, not a bomb for the clever coverage of your husband as a least troublesome old man!”
    “Mom, you don’t believe, he is old?”
    “You don’t believe! ”
    ————————————————–
    “When I take you for a party, I feel bad that you can’t talk in English, Ammalu”
    “I haven’t met a single English man so far, in any of the parties. Whhy should you feel bad? You have forgotten your mother tongue and so, you talk in English. I haven’t. Incidentally, SP, your English is sub-standard. Even my mom says so”
    “Oh, your is Oxford English? You both are Appa Iyer School dropouts and I know the standard of that school”
    “Appa Iyer School didn’t teach us a word of English”
    “Then, how did you learn English? . Which good- for- nothing fellow taught you that language?”
    “It was not a fellow. We both learned English reading your stories. If your stories are good- for- nothing, is it our mistake?”
    ——————————————————————
    “Everything fine, SP? You have not unreeled any complaint so far, against my daughter!”
    “DIL, your daughter is a gem. I’m telling you from my heart. Had you given birth to another eight gems, I would have married all of them”
    “Praises to God for His premonition and prevention of a disaster. I’m telling you from my heart, SP”
    ——————————————————————-
    At times your behavior is abnormal, Ammalu.
    In Ammini’s birthday party, only close friends were present and they all knew our relationship. Why did you like a fool, introduce me as your husband, while addressing them?”
    “The way some of the women there behaved with you in the party, gave me a suspicion whether they are aware of our relationship or not. Repetition and reconfirmation, at times help us, you see”
    “Don’t say, ‘helps us’ . It helps you, perhaps”
    ” I know you are my husband”
    —————————————————
    “Madam, severe memory loss. Can you help me please?”
    ” Sure, did you forget your name?”
    “Not mine, my wife’s”
    “Ammini?”
    “Oooooz! If my wife hears that name there will be instant floods”
    “Parukkutty, Parameswary, Panki”
    ” cho, cho, if my wife hears those names there will be tsunami”
    “I failed in kindling your memory. Name a person whom, you love most, fear most, obey most”
    “Ammalu”
    “That is your wife’s name! And I’m that woman!”
    “Thank you Ammalu. Mine was not a memory loss alone. I lost, temporarily my sight too. Oh, too many loses!”
    “You have lost nothing , as long as you haven’t lost me”
    ——————————–
    When guests come, you do all the talk, as if I’m nobody here. Allow me also to open my mouth when relatives, especially my relatives, visit us, Ammalu”
    “There are no ‘your relatives’ and ‘my relatives” but only ‘our relatives’. It is the duty of the lady of the house to receive and treat guests, and I’m doing only my job.
    I never said that you should not talk to them. My only objection was that you should not simply stand before them, mouth opened, especially when there are ladies among the guests”
    “Jam- packed jealousy”
    “Love that language. From your mouth alone can flow such English”
    “No more misunderstanding on mouth – opening, I hope”
    —————————————
    “I’m glad that I married you, Ammalu”
    “I’m excited that you said it after 50 years!”
    ———————————
    “Ammalu, ‘there is a woman behind every man’s success’, they say.
    In our house, it is opposite. I’m behind your success”
    “You are only behind me. I’m your success, SP garu”
    ——————————
    “As per our old practices, from the day one of their wedding, the husband should sit and the wife should stand. Always stand. Hope you are taught this by your father, Ammalu”
    “My father told me, when I was sitting on his lap and you were standing before me to tie the maangalya soothram, ‘Ammalu, see him standing before you, while you are sitting. Always maintain this position. That is the practice, passed on to us from generation to generation. Always remember this’”
    ———————————
    Ammalu, answering the phone call is more important for you than serving me food? where are pappads?”
    “In the kitchen, at the usual place, in the usual dabba And pappads are in the usual round shape. What else do you want?”
    “Stop joking ,you old woman. Every nook and corner of the kitchen, I h’ve searched”
    “Fridge?”
    “Sorry, Ammalu. I w’ll search now. I blamed you unnecessarily”
    ————————
    “You know how much I earn per month? You should, as you are keeping the money. Who appointed you as the custodian and controller of my earnings, may I know, madam?”
    “Your mom. She said soon after our wedding, ‘my son has no control over his mind, tongue and money. From now on, you are going to control all the three’. Of the three, I could control only your money and so, it is safe”
     
     
     

  • Ammalu is amazing

    Hei, SP. How are you? Alone? Where is Nirmala madam?”
    “I’m good. Thank you. Who is Nirmala madam?”
    “Your wife”
    “What? My wife is Ammalu and she is a mami and not a madam”
    “But, the other day you introduced Nirmala as your wife, when we met in a cafeteria”
    “I told you Nirmala was my wife on the stage. You didn’t hear me properly”
    “I never knew that you are an actor . Does Ammalu madam knows that you acts?”
    “She does”
    “And she doesn’t grumble?”
    “No.That is why she remains as a mami. Ammalu doesn’t act. Nirmala acts well ”
    “I know she does”
    “You have seen her acting?”
    “She acts with me ”
    “So, you too are an actor?”
    “No, I’m her husband”
    ————————————————–
    Our family astrologer, soon after my birth had predicted that my brain would grow and grow like the great monkey God Hanuman’s body while crossing the ocean.
    It did grow as he predicted but the moment I married your daughter, it’s growth stopped completely”
    “Not the moment you married my daughter, but from your first DeepAvali after marriage”
    “How, Madam mother in law?”
    “You remember my giving you the traditional Deepavali bath and applying oil on your head?”
    “Yes, I do. That was the privilege of wife. Why didn’t you allow Ammalu to do that?’
    “She was too small then and her tender hands had no strength to apply enough force on your head”
    “Why force? It was something be done tenderly”
    “For others, not for you. Even at that young age of early teens, your head was swollen with arrogance. I was looking for an opportunity to level that swollen head. And I got it. And I used it effectively”
    “So with your Ayurvedic treatment, my arrogance evaporated?”
    “Unfortunately, no. It was the oil that evaporated in the heat of your arrogance. Arrogance remained”
    “MML. You are wrong and I’m sorry to say that. Your daughter removed my arrogance, lock, stock, and barrel on the first night, we met in privacy?”
    “She did? How?”
    “She said,”either you behave or lie on the floor below my cot, till I get into sleep
    —————————————–
    “With a reasonable accuracy, I can tell you Madam ML, that your daughter’s brain needs cleaning”
    “She says the same about your brain development with ‘absolute accuracy’. Don’t you think I should go by an absolute accurate research finding, rather than your reasonably accurate finding?”
    “In which elementary school did you graduate, my respected MML?. The Same Appaiyer Academy which sharpened the intelligence of your daughter?’
    “You expect me to give you an absolute accurate information?”
    ‘”Naturally”
    “Certainly not in the same school, you studied”
    “There were many road – side schools in our village in the last century”
    “Yes, I’m from one of them. And yours was the one which stood not on the road side but in the center of the Kalpathy River or Perinkulam pond?”
    “Being an elderly person, your talk deserves better diplomacy, MML”
    “Sorry for my undiplomatic arrogance. I will behave properly now.
    SP, go back home and remove the weeds from your lawn. Remove the weeds from your brain too. See you tomorrow, when I come to insect your garden and your brain”
    ———————————————————–
    “MAdam ML, your daughter was away for the whole day. You know how much I enjoyed?’
    “Yes, she told me she too enjoyed”
    “My absence?”
    “No your frantic phone calls asking why she was spending so much time in the function”
    ————————————-
    “SP, Ammalu is not here. You can go and search the whole house, cowshed and backyard”
    “Madam ML. No need to search. I know she is here”
    “How?”
    “By smell! We don’t need eyes or ears to search for each other”
    “Like cat and rat?”
    “Like flower and honey bee”
    “Glad some poetry is still left in you”
    “Not poetry, romance, old woman, romance! You will never understand how the young mind works!”
    “Now I understood. Thank you. Your wife, proudly smiles over there behind curtain”
    Ocala.
    March19, 2015
    ——————————————

  • Thinking or winking?

    Mother in law, I have now come with a complaint”
    “When did you come here without a complaint against my daughter?”
    “Now my complaint is against you”
    “Go ahead, but be precise. I have other works to do”
    “I have married your daughter. You know that, I suppose. So, she is my wife.
    If she is my wife, by the the law of reciprocality, I’m her husband. If I’m her husband and she my wife, you are my mother in law”
    “By which law?”
    “The law of maternity”
    “Ok, now come to the core point or move towards the door point”
    “Any difference between me and my dear wife, we will settle without any external interference. You told Ammini that we think differently. There was no need for that”
    “SP, I never said that. What I told her was, you wink differently from Ammalu. You remember, yesterday, when I yelled at you for misplacing my eyeglasses and hearing aid, Ammalu winked at you and asked you to ignore my scolding. You too winked, in response and said,’poor thing she can neither see nor hear.”
    So, MiL, the great, without aids you could see and hear. I will donate your hearing aid to Ammini”
    “By which law is that?”
    “Law of generosity”
    Ocala, Florida
    March 25, 2015

  • Give a single key to your wife, not the bunch

    “Was there any calls for me, Ammalu?”
    “From males or females?”
    “That is not your problem. You give the name and I will somehow decipher the gender”
    “One Gopi Krishna called”
    “Gopi is her name and Krishna her husband’s ? Or was it a male with name Gopikrishna?’”
    “No idea”
    “Why didn’t you ask that person?”
    “Recall your instruction: ‘don’t say a word if the caller is a female’”
    “So, you knew it was a female”
    “I didn’t. But mostly, the feminine voices come in for you, more frequently”
    “Was she soft in her talk?’
    “So, you have concluded that it was a ‘she’?”
    “An innocent guess. Anyway, don’t worry. It might be our Kamalakshi”
    “She is not ‘our’ Kamalakshi, might be yours. Anyway, it was not she who called.
    She is in our backyard. I passed on your call to her. Ask her, who called”
    “Why did you pass on my call to her?”
    “Why not? She is our Kamakshi. Or your Kamakshi, to be precise”
    “Ammalu, I have no other ‘akshies’, other than you.. Let it be clearly understood”
    “So, I can ask the name if the next call is feminine?”
    “Ammalu, don’t act that fast. Give me some time to think. ‘Give a single key, to your wife; not the whole bunch’ said my Guru”
    “Poor SP! That single key is in the bunch and the bunch is with me!”
     
    Ocala, Florida
    March 24, 2015

  • Certainly not a dream

    Certainly not a dream, could be the effect of a small dose of the plain soda, I had in the party, last night.
    I was lying on the ‘thinnai’, raised platform, of our village house. Star – filled sky, full moon in its full glory. I saw Appa my father, getting down the clouds and walking towards me with his pride and powerful look.
    He cites a mantram
    ‘Prapayamidam viswamethath sameadhi
    Yadanthara pitharm matharum cha ‘
    ”Ithu enna Upanishad- in which Upanishad is this sooktam appearing ?”
    He asked, looking into my eyes to see whether I was flapping.
    ”Brihadaaraniakam”
    ”Artham- Meaning ?”
    ”The sky is described here as pitha’ or father, the earth as matha or mother. Everything in between these two, reach ultimately at a single point—-” I could not complete .
    ”Tell me in Tamiz or Malayalam” He ordered , “Nan enna unnaimathri Englisha paditchirukkaen -Have I learned , English like you ? ”
    I told him the meaning in Malayalam.
    ”Always think broad, always think deep,”
    He advised. ”I liked that ‘everything’ of yours, with my little English knowledge. Yes , every thing- pasu, pakshi, parvatham, naadi- everything, animals, mountains, rivers, everything moves toward a single goal and once you reach that goal, there is only one, not many ”
    “What say, Ammalu?”
    “What you had in the party was not plain soda”
    Sent from my iPa

  • Ammalu is always right

    “Every husband, what did I say, Ammalu ?”
    “Every husband”
    “Yes, at one time or other develops a disappointment that had he waited a little longer or had his star been a little brighter, he would have married a woman, better in looks than his wife”
    “you too had that disappointment?”
    “I know that your ears have become ornamental. That was why I got it reconfirmed from you that you heard the two words, ‘every husband’ correctly”
    “Like you, I too would like to have a reconfirmation from you. Did you have that disappointment?”
    “Yes, I had. Did you too have similar disappointment?”
    “No. I was confident that I could mould any raw clay to the doll of my liking”
    “Did you succeed? I’m not an ordinary clay, Ammalu. I’m a granite- clay. What clay?”
    “Granite- clay”
    “Correct. Did you succeed in moulding me , to your liking. Say, ‘yes’ or ‘no’”
    “No”
    “So, you lost?
    “No, I won”
    “How?”
    “I molded myself to make you walk behind me holding the end of my sari, always. What did I say SP Sir?”
    “Sorry, Ammalu. My ears have turned ornamental”
    “No problem. Leave my sari -end, please. I have work in the kitchen”
    —————————————————
    “Ammalu, can I have a word in confidence with you?”
    “What do you mean? Other than you and me, is there anyone here?”
    “Ammalu, I don’t know how to make you understand?”
    “No need. You be where you are and I will be where I’m”
    ——————–
    “Hugging is very common in America, madam mother in law. Man hugs man, woman hugs man. Very common there”
    “You are going to hug some one or some one is going to hug you, son in law?”
    “I was just alerting. In case a woman hugs me, you should not fall unconscious ”
    “Why should I bother man? Go and tell your wife”
    “I told her”
    “What was her response? Did she swoon?”
    No. Crisp was her reply. ‘tell me only if a bear hugs you’.
    ———————————————————-
    “Chottae, kid, aren’t you my sister in law’s sister’s son?”
    “No, mottae”
    “You call me mottae, old man?”
    “Aren’t you?”
    “Aren’t you my brother in law’s brother’s son?”
    “No”
    “You might be somebody’s son, I’m sure”
    “I’m your son, dad”
    “Don’t Agee. What proof do you have?”
    “I haven’t not acquired your irreparably irritating tongue or irrevocably damaged commonsense. But, I have inherited from my mother, the magnanimously matured thoughts and benevolent blend of compassion and consideration for the fellow beings. I’m not boastful like my beastly behavioral bappa, that is father but I’m like my lovely, long haired, logistically thinking, lenient mother of long lasting love and—-”
    “Enough, son. Enough. No more proof is required . That language is mine. So, you are mine”
    “Tube light like -brain, dad. When I responded your ‘chottae’, with my ‘mottae’, you should have recognized me”
    ——————————————————–”
    “Touching the foot of a woman other than your wife? Aren’t you ashamed, old man?”
    “Gracious ML, she had a thorn stuck in her sole. . Poor thing she came all the way limping”
    “Was she that poor not to have a safety pin hanging from the chain on her breast?’
    ” I look only at the feet of women other than my wife, melodious mother in law”
    “My daughter was laughing at your stupidity. I’m sorry for your behavior SP”
    “Ammalu is my wife. She knows how pure I’m in mind and body. That was why she didn’t yell at me but laughed. For me, all women except you, are incarnations of Goddess Mahalakshmi”
    “And I’m the incarnation of devil?”
    “No. You are the incarnation of Kali, BadrakAli.”
    “Ok. I will remember your words when you ask for bus fare back home, next time”
    “MAtha, Marakatha shyAma, remember, there are small thorns in your backyard too”
    “Don’t worry. I won’t come to you limping. I always keep a safety pin with me”
    —————————————
    “Sir, you know whose mobile number this is ?”
    “How do I know man? You expect me to keep a directory?”
    “Sorry, I thought this could be your wife’s number?”
    “My wife doesn’t have a mobile. Even if she has one, she will never give the number to me. She fears that I have a knack of attracting her friends to my friends’ list”
    “That is OK Sir. Just have a look at this number. Only for my satisfaction”
    “Oh, man! This is the number of my mobile which I lost recently”
    “You lost? How Sir?”
    “While scaling the Mount Everest!. Why are you bothered how I lost and where I lost?”
    “Sorry Sir, you are joking. Cell phones are not allowed on the mountains. Have you lodged any complaint, Sir.? This is my last question”
    “No, I haven’t. I won’t . I have better works to do than being after the police constables”
    “Thank you, Sir. That is the information I wanted”
    “Why? You wanted to opt for this number?”
    “No, sir. I have the phone with me”
    “You scoundrel, stole my phone? Where did you find it?”
    “Below the Mount Everest, Sir”
    ————————————
    “Madam ML, ask your daughter not to treat me as her watchman?”
    “What happened SP? Why an early morning visit with a complaint? What happened at home?
    Did she ask you not to keep the gate opened?”
    “No, she asked me to close the gate. It seems she forgot to close it behind her and went straight into the kitchen. How can your daughter forget such an important issue ?”
    “Don’t worry. I will ask her not to forget from now on. Yesterday, she asked you to book for the gas cylinder. I’m sure you would have done it”
    “Woo, ML. I forgot. I will do it now”
    “Bought washer for the pressure cooker?’
    “Extremely sorry, peddamma garu. I will do it now”
    “Did you close the gate when you came out?”
    “So sorry, the gem of my mom. Will go and close it now”
    “If you come again with such a silly complaint about my daughter, I will take back everything I gave you, including my daughter. Go and finish all the jobs Ammalu has asked you to do and come and report”
     
     
     
     
     
     
     

  • Our syllabus was entirely different

    ‘Appa waits for an opportunity to worry and keep on worrying about it,’ complain my children.
    ‘There are people who worry on insignificant things like a mole on the neighbor’s face,’ I tell them.
    Worrying about a mole on another face? Are you joking?
    No, I’m not. Just one example. You know my father’s customer Pazhanichami Pillai, timber merchant? He was in the habit of worrying about the mole on the neighbor’s face. And this was how it started.
    Pillai’s wife Aatchi was chatting one evening with his friend Mudhaliar, unusually for a long time. She was the best friend of Mudhaliar’s wife PAtchi, but recently they broke their friendship for some valid reasons. Atchi wanted to know from Mudhaliar in minute details whether his wife was feeling sorry for the rupture in their friendship. But,  her loving husband, misunderstood the purpose of the long conversation. Unable to stand the sight of his wife spending too long a time chatting with Mudhali
    ( ‘no respect for him. I will call him just Mudhali,’ he decided ) he cried, ‘enough of it!’
    His wife didn’t hear the warning and continued with the chat.
    After his friend left, the shrewd businessman, asked his wife, ‘what topic of international importance did keep you engaged with that ‘Chaembu moran Mudhali, for over an hour?’
    Chaembu is an ugly root vegetable or tuber called Taro. ‘Moran’ is one with a face which looks like that root. Not a complement at all.
    The self- prestige of Mrs. Palli could not take that assault. ‘There is a corn on his chin. Do you have it on your face? No. He has it. That is why he is admired by my friends’
    ‘How could a mole add beauty to a wrinkled, disarrayed face like Chaembu?’, Pillai tried to figure out and lost his sleep that night. He didn’t have the courage to ask that question to his wife.
    Anyway, from the next day onwards, Pillai started looking for a mole in any face that came across, especially if that face used to come anywhere near his wife.
    That worry was unnecessary, as you will agree. The worst part was his worry became my worry, when he came close to me and planted his eyes on my face to search for a mole there!
    Another mole story:
    I was selling clothes of a reputed brand after retirement and had to supervise the sales of some thirty retail outlets. The owner of one shop, Meera Ben was known to my sister Ambujam Ben in Ahmedabad. She was in her mid seventies, though in her Franchisee application, the date mentioned was 43. ‘Instead of 73, by mistake, you wrote 43, Meera Ben?’ I asked her at the personal interview.  ‘You want your products appear on the windows as they are or look smarter and younger, as I’m?’
    My reply for that question was the Agency Agreement Form., duly signed on the spot!
    ‘We want business,’ my boss used to remind me often, ‘whether the guys enter our office wearing  Pancha or pattu is not our concern”
    Meera Ben had a small problem, not really related to the cloth – sales . She had a mole on her right cheek which was the highlight of her facial beauty during her peak hours. ( Seek your apology for using that business language. By ‘peak hours’ , I meant ‘during her young days ). When she reluctantly moved to old age, her beauty emblem got eclipsed in the folds, wrinkles and wraps of the facial skin.
    A salesman should know how to sell his goods and I knew my job. I used all my tricks to sell my goods, means clothes of my company and one of those was my Ayurvedam expertise, acquired during my peak hour, as the Kottakal pharmacy was close to my house. I just explained to you what ‘peak hour’ is.
    ‘Are you sure you can help me?,’ asked Meera Ben when I told her that there was a solution for every problem in Ayurvedam.
    ‘What do you expect from me, for your service?,’ asked the Gujarati lady, without mensing her words. That is how a business man or woman should start a deal- no beating around the bush!
    ‘Nothing much Ben,’ I explained, ‘I’m old, you are old’.
    ‘You are old, not me’. She stood up from her seat. That was to tell me, she didn’t require my services.
    I pulled out from my pocket my company’s Order Form and told her, ‘200 bed sheets, 300 bath towels, 500 shirts, 500 saris, I’m ordering for your shop . Please sign here madam. The rest is my responsibility’
    ‘What about my mole treatment?,’ She enquired,  pushing the Order Form aside, even without looking at it.
    ‘You want to keep the mole in its present form or use my expertise to showcase it smarter and younger like you?,’  I asked in the language she employed at the time of her recruitment.
    Then I made her to sit and moved my head close to her face. ‘Let me first, have a good look at your mole and then decide which leaf or root to use to rejuvenate it’.
    It took a minute or two to adjust my eye- glasses.
    Exactly at that moment, entered my boss, a restless young man, who dreams only sales, market and money . In fact , for his age,  it was ideal for him to dream something better.
    ‘SP garu, eami chesthunArandi- what are you doing? ‘  Nirmal Setty fumed.
    ‘She has a mole on her face, Nirmal,’ I explained. ‘I’m trying to locate that to promote our sales’
    ‘She has a mole on her face and you are looking at it to promote our sales?’ His annoyment was understandable. He continued, ‘that  was not taught in our Ananthapur MBA. Your business management course taught you that?’
    ‘Yes, Nirmal. I studied business before you were born,’ I explained, ‘the old syllabus was entirely different, you see’
    ‘What is your problem, anyway, Nirmal?’ asked Meera Ben. ‘After all, he is old, I’m old)
    I jumped from my seat and yelled,  ‘Meera Ben, you are not old!. Recall what you told me a few minutes before’
    Meera Ben pulled out the Indent form from the drawer, signed it even without looking at it once and handed it over to me.
    ‘SP garu, mee tricks bAga natchindhi , naakku. superb sales-skill, I like that very much,’ said my boss, ‘these tricks were not taught in our MBA’
    ‘Our syllabus was entirely different you see,’ I told him.
    Ocala, Florida
    March 20,  2015
     

  • An umbrella story

     
    Heavy rains. Will you pray God to stop it ? I won’t. There might be a purpose for the rains, if not for me but for the farmer, for the tanks or wells.
    So, I buy an umbrella . My purpose is served.
    One advantage in not blaming God for our sufferings is, it opens a door to find a solution of own own like buying an umbrella. Otherwise, we blame God, either sit in a corner and weep or shout at our wife, if she is not like my Ammalu!
    More I shout, more cool, calm, composed will be, my woman!
    It is difficult to handle such women, especially if she happens to be our wife.
    So, what do I do? I won’t shout. I will throw a fake smile at her, ( which she knows is fake ) and tell her my problem. She will suggest a solution, either immediately or after, having a sip of hot, hot coffee in a brass tumbler. I don’t know how she converts coffee seeds into herbs, but that coffee certainly gives her a solution.
    On a second thought, I think, it is not the medicinal value of the coffee seeds but her cool brain, which get enough time to work, when she lifts the tumbler a few inches above her mouth and allows the liquid to fall into her mouth in drops! When you sip and gulp coffee, where is time to think?
    Anyway, a solution has surfaced . That is important.
    “Let us do like thing,” she starts. Remember she doesn’t say, ‘you do like this’. It is me who has to act on the problem but she says, ‘let US do like this’- that is wife!
    So, what did I say? Nothing. Going to say now:
    Consult your wife first, for your problems. She is your umbrella, for rain and for hot sun too.
     
    Sent from my iPad

  • My maiden US visit. Chapter 12

    My maiden US visit last chapter. Kangaroo Kamakshi.
    Boarding time for the US flight was announced and BIG BEN hugged us like a big bear, clearing her moist eyes and flashing a forced smile .
    ” Have an enjoyable trip,” she wished us, “and soon after you are free from jet log, I will meet you there . My next meeting is at Boston”
    She was about to leave when I heard a woman’s coarse voice penetrating from behind “Periasssssssooo”.
    “Another devil to make you cranky,” Parau muttered seeing the approaching
    woman, limping but trying to hasten her speed, “who is she ?”
    “Kangaroo Kamakshi ” I replied, waving to the lady as a sign of acknowledging her call.
    ” I am also coming in this flight, drag my bag too,” she pushed her cabin baggage towards me and bolted. “A last minute petty purchase ”
    ” Should I hold the bird ?” I shouted. She screamed from the distance , ” no. just here in the duty- free shop “.
    “What name is this,” Parasu enquired .
    “She is BangAru Kamakshi , a familiar name in our state,” I explained,
    “you know bangAram is gold. That was her parents and teachers and her
    husband too during the days and nights of their romance. Then she became kangaroo.
    “How?” Enquired Parasu.
    “Be ready for a story,” Ammalu commented.
    “This is not my story but what her husband, Maj. ( retired) Doraswamy Iyengar, told me.
    Her right leg is shorter by half an inch which was not an inborn defect but acquired after wedding. While overhearing her husband’s telephone talks, she used to press her right toe, hiding behind the kitchen door, firmly on the floor and raise the corresponding heel so that she could stretch her head forward and follow the talk without missing a word. When it became a regular practice, due to the constant pressure on the right leg, it shrunk a bit in size and her leg movement resemble that of the Australian animal.
    I do not usually believe what husbands say about their sweet -hearts and therefore would prefer to go by her son’s version.
    ‘My mother spoiled me by over -indulgence and overt display of affection . Immediately after the school bell, she used to pick me up from the school, wrap me with her sari and rush home . Her hurried action was to protect me from mingling with girls. She had serious doubts about the integrity of my father after he told her once that he had a number of girl friends right from his school days. As she protected me as earnestly as a kangaroo does, some mischievous guy in the defense colony named her KK, the first K for kangaroo. That abbreviation became so popular that we all call her with that pet name’
    Her daughter in law’s version was different.
    ‘We used to go for movies frequently during the early days of our marriage and mother in law preferred to sit at our back seat, press the right toe firmly on the floor, raise her head, sharpen her ears to hear our conversation. If our chats were not up to her expectation, she used to swift the toes, press her left one on the floor and overhear. This exercise could be the reason for her imbalance of legs though my husband doesn’t accept my version. ‘Why should she overhear?,? he asks, ‘ I tell her everything that transpired between us, in our privacy’
    KK ( let us also call her by that name for convenience ) occupied the seat vacated by BB and turned back to enquire about Parasu.
    ” Haven’t I met you in the Pollachi market with a board hanging from the tree under which you were sitting? Even the letters written in the board, I remember, ‘ Parasu, pakshisastram expert ?” A straight question that was.
    “No way,” Parasu replied with equal firmness,” I had never sat under a tree anywhere as I am allergic to tree- shade ”
    “Poi. You lie like the major, my husband. When I told him that I saw him walking hand in hand with a girl in the Marina beach, he replied, ‘how could that be, don’t you know that I am allergic to sea breeze ?’. KK told Parasu and turned towards me,
    ‘You know, he was a sailor for 25 years’”
    “Kon hae bayya o Guruji, Who is that guruji, ?” asked Parasu, ” I would like to fall at his feet instantly”.
    “Her husband Maj. Doraisamy Iyengar ” I clarified and introduced Parasu to her.
    “Akkal, this is my cousin Parasu ”
    ” Ask your cousin whether he remembers my face ?”
    ” I don’t look at the face of any woman other than my wife’s,”
    Parasu clarified,” I look only at their palm”
    “Ivan aaruda, Periyasoo, Lakshmananaa? Is he Lakshman?,” KK joked and turned towards him,”yes, you looked at my palm only and collected one hundred Rupees for one lie ”
    “Then, madam, for a hundred Rupees, you expect me tell hundred lies,?” Parasu had a point there.
    I wanted to divert the topic. ” Akka, how is that you are alone. Why didn’t Major accompany you ?”
    ” He is busy playing golf and dancing with his girl friends ”
    Major is a jolly good fellow. Fun-loving, joyous and jovial..but he is not an irresponsible husband.
    ” I am sure that you had some petty quarrel.” I tried to reason out.
    ” He is never quarrelsome. Let him scold me, slap me, I don’t mind. He has right for that as my husband. The problem is he talks sweetly to me ”
    ” And to other women too, equally sweetly?”
    “Exactly,” KK lamented holding Ammalu’s hand “I am married for forty years and have four children . He is a handsome six footer, fair complexioned with well -tuned muscles and also well mannered. And what am I ? An uneducated and unsocial ugly woman of asymmetrical body components! Where is match in our union?”
    “There is, my dear Akka,” I explained. Otherwise your astrologer father wouldn’t have proposed and executed your wedding. When the stars in the sky are agreeable who are we, here on the lowly land, to look for physical or mental matching ?” I continued. “Moreover, it is your inferiority complex that makes your life miserable and not your husband’s attitude. I know P.K. He is a gentleman. He might occasionally glance at other women; it is not a sin”
    “They all do that” Ammalu, as a good wife, supported my statement.
    “You are the mother of his offspring” ignoring Ammlu’s sarcastic look, I continued. “You looked after him for forty long years and continue to do so. I am sure that he has a happy life with you”
    “I am not that sure” Her small eyes were moist.”He has a number of girl friends”
    “Come on. You don’t talk about your husband’s girl friends when he is seventy plus. you welcome them ” I chided her .
    “Anyway, on what basis do you disparage him?”
    “I overhear his tele talks!”
    “See, it confirms your friend’s explanation for his wife’s deformity,” Parasu whispered.
    “O.K. Let us talk something more pleasant” I wanted to change the topic, again.
    “I hear that you are going to become a grandma soon. Congrats. I am sure that you are going to assist your daughter-in-law during her confinement”
    “No. Venki wants Amrita to wear sari and that too in ‘madisaru’ style; The purpose of my present visit is to help her”
    ‘”What! You are going all the way to US to teach your daughter- in- law, the intricacies of wearing a nine yard- long sari, in the conventional Brahminical style?”
    “You are right”
    “And Amrita agreed for that?”
    “Yes. When Venki told her that I was wearing ‘madisaru’ while carrying him and he would like to see her in that dress, now that she is carrying his child”.
    “What a desire for an Americanized young man!” I murmured.
    There is no purpose in prolonging the discussion. I picked up a sheet of paper and pencil from my yellow bag and engaged myself in a more sensible activity-drawing sketches of the women crew in the aircraft.
    ” My husband also does this,” commented ‘Akka’ viewing the sketches, through the corner of her eye.
    “All sensible old men do it,” I replied, looking at Parasu. He was also doing the same thing but started scribbling ‘Sreerama Jayam’, when he discovered that I had noticed his shameful act.
    “Engaveettu elikalellam Ongaveettukku pogado?’
    Kuppeekalaa—-” Sang Ammalu.
    I was surprised and pleased to hear Ammalu singing in a low voice, a couple of lines from my song. First time, she was appreciating my song, by imitating it.
    “Ammlu, what happened?” I enquired, earnest to know the reason for the sudden change in her attitude towards the song.
    “I am afraid that I didn’t close the rice dabba properly,” she moaned, ” and I noticed a rat or two in the kitchen”
    ” Let there be hundred rats in our kitchen and let them eat all the rice.
    My happiness was limitless . “How nice of you to have sung my song!”
    “I am proud of you” she said flashing a smile. “You don’t have girl friends!”
    “I am also proud of you , Ammalu” I replied with equal earnestness, “you don’t overhear my tele. talks and spoil your shape!”
    Arrived on the American soil. Newark airport.
    Venky and Amrit also were there along with my children at the airport to receive us . They took us to a garden where we shared the food they had brought with them, when Major appeared before us neatly dressed as usual with his bewitching smile.
    ” I came by the previous flight just to surprise my wife after making sure that she travels in the seat next to you” He said glancing at his woman affectionately.
    “But how did you know my seat details?” I enquired.
    “I gave, Appa,” My son revealed. ” KK was refusing to come to US ; so we planned a project to bring her here ”
    “So you dragged here for teaching Amrita how to wear sari ?” I asked Venki.
    ” Uncle that was again a ploy to bring mom here. Amrita somehow wanted Amma here and it was Appa who first suggested this. Amma is prepared to do anything to make Amrita happy ”
    ”How lucky you are KK, to have such an affectionate husband and a caring son ?”
    “And loving mattupon too.” Ammalu added and gave a bit of advice to Major, “take KK too to the sea shore and hold her hand while strolling ”
    ” I am allergic to sea breeze, Ammlu ” He said and we all laughed.
    That was how I landed on the shore of America for the first time. Who expected then that this country would become my second home!
    Concluded

  • Ammalu is always right

    “Ammalu, I want to know whether you are my husband or wife”
    “Why that doubt now?’
    “Going by your attire you look like my wife. Going by your attitude ,
    you behave like my husband”
    “Go by my attire, please. And by a lot of clothes so that I can wear a new dress everyday”
    “You tax me for any question I ask”
    “Don’t ask questions”
    “Then, how to get my doubts cleared”
    “What doubt?’
    “Whether you are my wife or husband”
    “Ask our children”
    “Children? Are you kidding?”
    “Ok, ask my mom. She is elder to you”
    “That is a good idea. I will go to your mom’s house just now. Give me two Rupees ”
    “For what?”
    ” It is my earning and when I ask for Rupees for bus fare, you are asking me ‘why?’
    “So, who am I, your husband or wife?”
    “Now, I understood, Ammalu”
    ————————————————–
    “Your mother would be speaking high about me, Ammalu?”
    “Of course, she does”
    “How high?”
    “Sky high”
    “No wonder. She would have been really proud that she got a great man as her son in law”
    “Indeed, she was, for the first two days after our weddings”
    “Two days?”
    “Yes, it took two days for her to know your greatness. For me, it took only one day”
    ——————————
    Ammalu, can I have a word in confidence with you?”
    “What do you mean? Other than you and me, is there anyone here?”
    “Ammalu, I don’t know how to make you understand?”
    “No need. You be where you are and I will be where I’m.
    This is not the age for us to understand something which
    we have not understood so far”
    “You seems to misunderstand me”
    ” I have missed nothing. I have understood everything.
    Good night”
    ———————————-
    “However you might try, you can’t become me, Ammalu.”
    “I have stopped trying now”
    “Why?”
    ” I saw you adding more sugar in your coffee. Better, I stay as your wife and control your sugar intake”
    —————————-
    An intelligent giant like me is not born everyday, in every country, Ammalu”
    “I realized that in the first five minutes I spent with you in our first meeting when I was a teen- aged .
    That was how I grabbed you. Which girl will miss an opportunity to catch and own a giant?”
    “So, you claim that you own me?”
    “No more. Soon I realized that you are a giant butterfly! Who can hold a butterfly, small or big?’
    ——————————————