It was my younger brother Vicha, who underwent a cataract surgery just a few weeks ago, who woke me up before this day-break and led me to our home sanctum to view the simple Vishukkani, I had assembled the previous night.
“Anna, kannai moodikkindu va”. ” Follow me closing your eyes” -that was the meaning for what he said. That was what I have been asked to do by my mother when I was a child and later by my wife, while leading me to view the Vishukkani.” What is there to worry, when you are holding my hand?” I ask him, appreciating his gesture.
I open my eyes and see first the smiling face of Guruvayoorappan with a flute in hand, a lovely peacock-feathered crown on the head and several garlands around the neck, presiding over the assembly, occupying the place of honor. He is dark blue in colour, his apparel golden yellow. The ancestral brass lamp, which would have brightened vishukkanies for generations in our family, is there, spreading a divine aroma, sponsored by the ghee it was carrying. Though It has, in no time, brightened the pictures and idols and the assembly of Vishukkani, the old lamp shyly denies, moving its wavy flames, any role for it, in the emancipation. ”It is the melody from His flute the cause of awakening all these objects”
I know it is true. The lamp is only an instrument to carry and spread light. The source of light is elsewhere.
Then, I view the materials assembled in a brass uruli, a round vessel with a thick frame, again an ancestral asset. Neither that golden bunch of kanikkonnai nor the fragrant ripe, jack fruit- halves are there. A thin layer of discontentment paints my face.
”Why fruits or flowers, when I am here? ” I thought Krishna was asking me, amidst his enchanting smile, when I shut my eyes for a moment to press reverently my eyelids with a gold coin picked from the silver bowl. That coin with the picture of Mahalakshmi was bequeathed by my ancestors and it would have blessed several eyes which are now shut for ever.
” True, I told Him . “You are the flower of my life and fruit of my actions, Bagavan!”.
After an hour or so, I went to the Ayyappa shrine close by. ” As you know it is for this divine vision that I postponed my USA trip by a week, my Lord !” I told him. I have a habit of telling gods what they already know. Then I pleaded, “make my journey and stay there comfortable ; I should not become a burden for my children.”.
” Kannai moodikkindu va-just follow me closing your eyes!” said the Lord. How great ! What other assurance do I need for a long journey and an indefinte stay in a foreing land ? What is here to worry when He leads me holding my hand? Reverently, I took the Vishukaineettam, a rupee coin, given by the Lord through the hands of the Nambudiri priest, to my eyes, praying, “may I be here again next year too to have your Vishupunyakala darsanam and receive the Vishukkani coin from you, Bagavan!”
“Kannai moodikkindu va” . No, He didn’t say that. A moonlight smile flashed on His face. Who knows its meaning ? In fact it is a blessing that we are not able to read the meaning of the smiles of the gods.