Soon after returning from the America, I proceeded to Thiruvanantthapuram for the Navarathry celebrations. I was excited to notice the remarkable progress of the Sri Durga temple close to the Sreekanteswaram Siva temple, as I happened to be a witness to its gloomy past. Kudos to the Kerala Brahmana Sabha which took over the temple in 1973 and the leadership of the neurosurgeon cum thanthri Dr. Sambhasivan whose pooja procedure strictly according to the thanthric style of Namboodiries, provides an ideal ambiance for worshiping.
The temple now has a two-level concrete structure,the lower one housing the bright yellow metal-wrapped sanctum sanctorum and a small auditorium and the top one, a dining hall, both adequately furnished. I was present for the poojas and music programs during the last 3 days of the festival and it was a memorable experience.
The evening concerts were so absorbing that I abandoned my original plan to attend music at the Navarathry mandapam .
Enthralled by the enchanting melody provided by Sangeetha kalanidhi sri.Sankaranarayan and his accompanists of admirable skill and admiring the benign smile of the aesthetically decorated idol of the Goddess from her glittering abode, my mind slipped down some thirty forty years through the valley of memory, while sitting unrecognized and unnoticed by any one, in a corner of the temple.
A slim, simple and humble old man, securing his constant companion, an equally aged umbrella, under his arm-pit, walks into a deserted and dilapidated house adjoining the pond behind Sreekanteswaram temple, holding a bottle of sesame oil for lighting lamps, a brass vessel with small quantities of rice and jaggery for preparing neivedyam( offering) for the small idol of goddess Durga, situated in an ill- ventilated room in the center of the house, probably once an illam or a Namboodiri residence.
On Tuesdays, he buys a few lemon fruits, bifurcate them, extract juice, add sugar and distribute to the couple of women devotees present there, after converting the left over lemon-shells into temporary lamps.The number of women devotees swell in due course and he purchases sufficient stock of lemons and sugar and I inquire how he manages to obtain funds to meet the expenditure, as I was aware of his dwindling financial status.
‘Than vishamikkanda- you don’t worry ” He assures me, pointing his hand towards the Goddess. “SHE takes care of it”
As desired by him, I recited Lalithasahasranam there one evening and apart from him there was only one person to hear my recitation, but I had somehow, the satisfaction that the one, who should hear, did hear my prayers. Since then I started liking that small temple and used to help the old man, who happened to be my Amman or father-in-law sri.Krishan iyer, during my sojourns to my wife’s place. He is one of the characters in my story, “Oh, paramasukham” and the Sreekanteswary mentioned in my song, “Arasum moodu Ganapathy mama gathy” is the presiding deity of the temple mentioned above.
I was glad that Amman’s absolute optimism that ” She will take care” has come true and wish that the Kerala Brahmansabha continues to extend its helping hand to similar other temples too, without jeopardizing its good work of helping the needy students and less fortunate men and women, as it is doing now. Aware of the unattractive strength and under-privileged status of our community the Sabha has wisely involved other communities too in the developmental activities.
Next, I went to Lucknow to celebrate Deepavali or Divali as it is known there , with my daughter-in-law who has come to her parents along with my grand children from US . A new set of dolls of Ganesh and Lakshmi is bought and Lakshmi pooja performed accompanied by dancing and singing.The North Indian folks grab any small opportunity to dance and their enthusiasm even under hostile circumstances, to sing and dance is contagious.
It is a disgrace to our spiritual awareness and aesthetic sense to keep Kasi, the Mecca of Hindus, in such a pathetic condition. No effort has been made to halt the merciless and unashamed pollution of the holy river or to improve the width of the innumerable narrow lanes, dirtied by cow dung, rice balls and waste materials dumped on the roads. The approach roads to all the temples are unclean and it is a nightmare to enter the main Baba Viswanath shrine through the crowded narrow lane, pushed by unsolicited guides, where a large contingent of armed guards await who search you from top to tow, irrespective of your age, eight or eighty and the pandas extend their arm for charity leaving the holy idol unattended .There are many foreigners, mostly interested in the Buddhist shrines around. While in US, I used to watch with awe and jealousy at the lavish bottoms of some Americans but after riding the hand-pulled rickety rikshas and experiencing the discomforts of the sloppy and slender- cushioned seats, I raised my hands up in prayer to my creator for using limited quantity of clay for my molding .
With all these deficiencies, Varanasi still has an attraction of its own for the religious Hindus. Sitting on the banks of the Ganges watching the glamorous ‘harati’ to Gangamayya performed by colorfully dressed young, good looking pundits is a feast to the eyes and the accompanying hymns pouring from the sound system enthralls your soul. You forget for a moment the muddy waters of the river while witnessing the village women boating in group singing folk songs in praise of Baba Viswanath and the Gangamayya. You spare some time to think about your forgotten ancestors, who crisscrossed the country, bare-footed, mostly with empty stomach facing inclement weather and other inimical conditions, just to have a dip in the holy waters or even to drop their mortal frame on its bank. You will realize how thin is the dividing line between life and death while gazing at the dead bodies burning above and the singing and bathing devotees below on the ghats.
Later, while strolling on the banks of the rivers after bathing in the Sangamam and Sarayu , the mind was scintillating with the brilliance of the ‘hartai’ performance by the glamorously dressed handsome pandas on the bank of the ‘dasaswametha ghat’ accompanied by the reverberating bajans and not the cow dung stained narrow streets of Varanasi nor the big-bottomed African American struggling to place his huge physical possession on the sloppy little seat of a hand- pulled riksha.
So, the trip was not bad, I presume.
Hyderabad,
Nov.4th, 2008
Oh! paramasukham -Chapter 22
“Nothing; absolutely nothing,” I replied still my eyes partially closed. “I had a craving for one billionth of that cosmic energy, to face life; but I simply got absorbed in His majestic beauty. What a cosmic charm!” I lost words. How powerless words are in such situations!
While coming out of the temple, my father took P.M.S. aside and said,” It is a matter of shame for all of us that we played a cruel joke on our children. It may not be intentional, but it was easily preventable with a little more care and attention. I am not particularly blaming anyone. But we spoiled the lifetime memory of the children for which all of us are responsible” He continued: I want you to do one thing, P.M.S! Pack them off to Kanyakumari this after noon, in your car. None should know about this. See that they are accommodated in a good hotel preferably for more than one night and none accompanies”
I don’t know how this message leaked; by the time we got ready for the trip, there were nearly twenty families, who wanted to accompany us. We had to arrange a big bus. The whole crowd was with us everywhere, in the temple, in the boat, in the lovely sands from where we watched the sunset and sunrise and in the hotel. The seasonal rush at the tourist spot was so heavy that after accommodating the guests in the available hotel rooms, I slept inside the bus and I don’t know where my wife slept. The first night, in the blessed bed room with creaking doors, was merrier.
We returned the next day and got ready for our return trip to Palakkad
It was time to say ‘good bye’. Amman was sitting in a corner and it was obvious that he was trying hard to control his emotion. “Life without Ratnam is going to be tuff-‘korae vishamama,”. He put it very mildly; he was not used to strong words.
“Life with your daughter is going to be ‘vishamam’ (difficult ) for me!” I quipped, ” life with her is going to be ‘valarae vishamam’ (very difficult for me ) .
“Bless us, Periappa!” I touched the feet of P.M.S. “Every thing is large with you: your frame, your mind, your family, your status, your name and fame. Let a fraction of that greatness pass on to my body”
‘‘I noticed the glow in your face, when you mentioned about my family size.” It was his face which glowed, when he said those words.”I never worried that I had nine daughters as many others would have. In fact I was happy and proud”
“That was the first thing I noticed when I landed here. Periappa! Remember. There is always room for one more”
‘That is exactly my worry!” His wife replied. We all had a hearty laugh.
“Don’t forget me, konthai” said P.M.S. hugging me close to his chest.
“Can I? “ I asked him,” One person I will remember ever, when I go to bed is my P.M.S Periappa.”
“I erred and apologise to you for my carelessness” He pleaded for my forgiveness.
” Absolutely no need” I held his hands and laughed. “You have done it purposely to institute in our mind the importance of being together. A stage might come in the life for every couple, when one may long for the dissociation from the other, though temporarily. I know it is absurd to say so, especially on this occasion but as you know facts are facts. If it happens to us, you want us to remember the first night. Isn’t it so? But tell me Periappa! Why a jack fruit in the bed room and not banana or apple?”
“You are intelligent; otherwise you wouldn’t have said, what you said now. So, ponder a bit ; you will get the answer”
“Ha, ha, ha I know the answer now. Hard and thorny exterior; cut it open and go deep .Plenty of hard seeds, encased in sweet, juicy, colourful fruits. Oh I go it, I got it. I laud your imagination. Shall I go further?”
‘’Enough! Reserve your poetic imagination for solitary moments” We laughed together. Those standing close by, with a sense of humour also laughed. Others do not matter; ignore those who do not follow jokes and those who cannot tolerate jokes.
He patted me affectionately. “Just realize that banana with no seeds and apple with a few, are no comparison with the kingly Jack fruit, with plenty of seeds.”
“And the sweet, juicy and colourful fruits encasing the hard seeds” I reinforced his statement.
I had no words when I went to Athai for her blessings. She was a synonym for sacrifice .We just hugged each other, till her tears wet my hairs and face.
“I am greatly indebted to you, Parasu, for binding me with this big family of loving people” I expressed my sincere gratitude to my cousin.” And also for giving me a wonderful life-partner, from the sacred soil of Anantha Padmanabhan and Sreekanteswaran. When I hear the call, ‘Ente sreekanteswara’ from the cavern of the heart of devotees passing through the temple, my soul vibrates and reaches the Himalyan heights of elated bliss. My ‘Rudram’ and ‘chamakam” rarely took me to such heights Yes, earlier, I did have such experience while the tram in which I was commuting, passed through the street close to the Kalighat temple. People irrespective of caste or ideology they follow, touch their hand on their chest and cry” Ma’. That ‘Ma’ call, Parasu, shakes and kindles your soul.
The path of my married life is laid by you I will never forget this help”:
Parsu, I noticed for the first time, was moved. He blessed me placing his hands over my head.
The Trivandram railway station was full of our relatives and friends, who had come in colourful dress and shining ornaments, to see us off. Amman, holding his umbrella, was wiping his moist eyes; my mother-in-law was consoling him. P.M.S , his wife and daughters behind him, was pacing up and down the platform. Athai, silently but with a heavy heart, was holding her niece close to her chest. Parasu was supervising the loading of luggage, vessels and eatables on to the compartment. sharada teacher Baghyam and Ammu were holding my hands and standing on my sides.Chami anna was standing aloof, making hand movements as if to say, “these are all part of life; anyway all the best”.
“Lalitha rushed in, when our luggage was loaded; she was helping Parasu in that work.
“I love you so much athimbar” she was sobbing when she held my hands
“Then rush into the compartment” I said, “Oh, you don’t have your suitcase; that doesn’t matter. You can use your sister’s wardrobe. And there is no time to buy the ticket. Hide below the seat like a mouse but don’t pop up your head, to watch the movement of the ticket collector”
She didn’t laugh; she wept.
When the green signal flag fluttered, Venku ayyan rushed in to announce that Ratnam’s six aunts with their husbands would join us at Kollam and would stay with us at our Palakkad house, for a week, till we return to Hyderabad. Magnificent gesture!
Before I recovered from the shock inflicted by that news, P.M.S ,walking along with the just-moving train, asked. “Hope you enjoyed everything here. Sukham aayille, makkalea?”
“What is that second Parmasukham for?” My father enquired with a mischievous smile.
“For the gesture of the six aunts and uncles” I replied, with an equally mischievous smile.
Ratnam too smiled. I knew the meaning of that.
That revealed her happiness on my appreciating the gesture of her six aunts and uncles!
She would have also realised that Paramasukham has only one meaning on all occasions. That is PARAMA SUKHAM!
Oh! Parama Sukham – Chapter 21
Oh! Parama Sukham – Chapter 20
“Namsthesthu Gange, thwadanga prasangad,
‘ Stand like a stone pillar when a storm strikes ‘ were Amma’s last words.
Baghyam found her lonely life miserable. The Ganges, friends, helpful panda families -with all that, the absence of that single soul, her father was intolerable for her. She wanted to run away from there, fall flat on mami’s lap and weep incessantly.
Oh! Paramsukham chapter 19
“Appa, remembering the childhood days, I will sleep hearing your story ” I pleaded . He agreed, reluctantly.
” Yes, After Swamy left, Sharada, mused over the incidence,”what a humble and simple minded man, Swaminathan Iyer is ! So upright to admit that his sister’ studies would have been in jeopardy but for that small cash I gave him ! I will talk to ‘atchan’ ( father ) and try to help him. ”
“I know his father ” Rama pisharodi said, when sharada mentioned about her new colleague. “In fact, it was I who recommended the youngster for a job in your school. Bring him home, sometime ; I haven’t met him.”
Next morning when Swaminathan master met Sharada, he returned two rupees to her. “Only eight rupees was required for the fees “
” Swamy Sir, you are too good to be in this era ” Sharada joked, ” keep that small amount with you “
“I will give to my sisters to buy bangles ” he said, “let that be your gift for them”
Sharada mentioned about this conversation too to her parents. “The junior has acquired the uprightness of his father”
Sharada took Swaminathan home and the elders were happy to meet him. They offered him fruits and clothes along with some cash. He refused to accept the cash. The pisharodies then requested him to recite a few slokams from Sundarakanadam. Swami would do it only after bath which was arranged. Wearing the new veshti provided by the pisharodies, he recited the 36th sargam on anguleeyaka pradanam, Hanuman handing over Sree Rama’s ring carrying His name, to Sri Sitha. Pishorodies were immensely pleased and they gave some cash along with betel leaves and an areca nut as a mark of respect and requested Swami to accept the cash as a dakshina which a brahmin was entitled for, after performing a religious or spiritual task. He accepted and thanked them by saying , “this is enough to buy medicines for my parents for two or three months.”
Then onward, Sharada’s parents used to invite him often and gift some cash and clothes for some homam or pooja.
The friendship continued and the simple mannered, modest, truthful Swaminatha Iyer became Sharad’s favorite Her father helped him to acquire a degree through private studies and also a better job.
When their friendship blossomed as love, trouble started. Sharada teacher’s parents had no objection as they were convinced about Iyer’s honesty. “Moreover, he is a Brahmanan”..
Krishnaiyer, Swaminathan’s father protested and threatened he would commit suicide.
“Appa, remember” his son tried to pacify him,”if we are enjoying a square meal, it is because of her. If your daughters are getting education and am holding a good job and a degree , it is due to her support . Our whole family is indebted to her. And above all she loves me, trusts me I have decided to marry her”
Krishnaiyer thought for a while and declared, ” OK. if you have already taken a decision, go ahead. But live with her separately “
The wedding took place in a temple. They took a house not very far . Swaminathan used to visit his parents often. His sisters and later his mother too made frequent visits to Sharadha’s house but Krishnaiyer never went there, even to see his grand children, Unni and Ammu.
” How did Ammu land at the Ambattu sharam, while I was there ” I asked dad, ” She said Muthy was her Muthy too, which means, Muthy was Sharada’s mom ?”
“Yes, in fact Swaminathan had come to the sharam once or twice during your stay there but you didn’t meet him
Swamy escorted his parents to Kashi, on their request, where they met unexpectedly a close cousin Sundaram, on the bank of the Ganges. He had run away from home when his father refused to allow him to marry the girl he liked, determined to become a sanyasi. The girl he loved also decided to become a mendicant and reached Kasi, where they met each other unexpectedly. Having met in a place far away from home, they wisely decided to eschew their interest in sanyasam and got married. They had a daughter, Baghyam, who was taking care of her father in the absence of her mother who passed away .
Krishanaiyer never expected to meet Sundaram there or anywhere else as they had no contact for the past several years. “What do you do for your livelihood?” Krishnaiyer inquired.
“I predict pilgrims’ future either by astrological calculation or through palm and face reading ” Sundaram replied
”When did you learn them ? ”
“Annapoorna’s anugraham, (blessings of the Godess ) ” Sundaram conceded humbly, ” Sastras are divine and y cannot be acquired by learning”
“True, true” agreed his cousin.
Krishnaiyer casually mentioned about his failing health to his relative who quickly surveyed the old man’s palm and face and lamented, ” I pity you. Despite your strict adherence to the scriptural path , your own path to salvation will remain dark, without a ‘neipantham’ to show you the way.
Suddenly the old man realized that he didn’t have a grand son, to lead his funeral procession, carrying a torch soaked in ghee, from a brahmin woman. That also lead to his another worry about which he never thought so far. His son too will not reach the gate of heaven as he did not have a son from a brahmin woman, to uplift him from the dreaded depth of the hell called ‘puunagam’. He became panicky.
He had not told Sundaram that his son was already married and had two kids. The union with a non-brahmin woman was not something to be proud of. The astrologer cousin, therefore suggested that he accepts Baghyam, his own daughter for Swaminathan as his wife. Swami’s mother tried to say something but her husband pressed her hand to signal that she should not spill the beans. Their son was not there when this conversation took place.
At that time came Baghyam, with some washed cloth for changing for her father after the evening ablution . She was attractive and serene like a Tulasi plant at your house frontage.
“My corwn jewel Baghyalakshmi ” Sundaram proudly introduced his daughter to the guests. ” I am looking for a suitable head to pass on this jewel . Give me your hand, Anna.”
Those were his last words. He didn’t rise from the water. A massive heart attack managed to take his soul to heaven without a theepantham to show the way. The man who was predicting the future of pilgrims for the past several years never knew his future.
Every one was shell-shocked. Baghyam became an orphan in a wink. His final plead, ”give me your hand, Anna” chocked Krishnaiyer’s throat.
“Why did the Destiny bring us here ? ” the dumbstruck old couple wondered,” to meet Sundaram and witness his death ?”
“What next ? ” asked Swami.” Who will do the last rites and how to console this girl, weeping like a child, rolling on her father’s body ?”
The panda friends of Sundaram gathered awaiting the instructions for the disposal of the body, when they learned that he was related to their friend..
” Appa, I will perform the duties of his son ” offered Swami..
“No, you have no right for that when I am alive,” his father clarified, ” I will do the aparakriyas( last rites )
The pandas gave a fitting send off to their comrade. Attempting to wink back the tears, Baghyam, looking at the unabated flames of her father’s pyre, told calmly but confidentially to his relatives, “I have never met you before and I am extremely grateful for your invaluable help and support at this critical juncture. You can go back now, I will mange”
“You will manage, How ? ” enquired Swami. ” No, we will not go without you ” declared his parents.
“I am the daughter of this Gangamatha. I was born on her lap and played as a child on these steps., grew as an adult hearing the the conch and temple bell sounds ” Baghyam replied, “leave me here. I have a teacher’s job . I have leaned music for ten years. I know tailoring . Viswanath Babaji and Annapoorna mathaji will never desert me. There seems to be some master plan behind today’s sad happening. Babaji’s ways are unknown but I am confident of His unfathomable love for me”.
“I am not going to leave this mother-less child who lost her father too, till her inner wound heals to some extent” Swami’s mother, Dharmamabal mami said categorically.
“I too will stay and complete the last rites” Krisnaiyer too made his intention clear.” Swaminatha, you go back and attend your duties and take care of the girls at home”
“Impossible” Swaminathan replied,” I am not an animal to leave high and dry my aged parents and this hapless girl on the burning ghat” The flames from the pyre of Sundaram were still busy, swallowing his left over..
The Dasaswamedh ghat was getting ready for the evening aarti.
Boats carrying pilgrims were happily moving around as if nothing has happened on the bank of the river.There is no other place in the world where death is treated so casually as in Kasi. The dividing line between death and life is so narrow there and I think it is to realize this truth that people throng there.
Narayanswamy stood like a statue alternately looking at the glowing pyre, flowing waters below and the girl standing near like another statue.
The pilgrims continue to sing in the moving boats, folk songs glorifying Ganga Mathaji
Oh! Parama sukham Chapter 18
“I look to the sky at night and admire the beauty of the stars.
I stand in awe of their brilliance;
They are as shining and constant
and they have been since the beginning of time.
They light the heavens and fill our hearts with wonder.
When one burns out, another takes its place;
for they are eternal.
Wherever you are, they guide you from their home high above the earth.
At times, they seem close enough to touch,
as they transport your dreams far away.
Their magic compels us to offer up wishes for their consideration.
They make us realize that even when the sky is the darkest,
a tiny beacon of light still shines through.
They are God’s reminder to us that some things really do go on forever”.
‘Stars’
by Sherri Anderson
Some things really do go on forever in the midst of this eternally changing and evanescent world.
The sky and the stars are source of solace for us. When we hear a shocking news or are in distress, we look at them first. We look at them for comfort and guidance . We depend on them to accept responsibility for the happenings beyond our control. We don’t look down and ask Mother Earth why she gave birth to us . We look up and seek the help of the sky.Though for our physical eyes, Druva or Arundathi were not visible in the sky, as Ratnam correctly said, we knew they were there.
A lot of thoughts have gone into the formulation of the wedding ceremony. Deeply rooted in vedic tradition at every stage and keeping the holy fire as the witness, the system takes care of spiritual as well as social aspects. The prayers of the bride-groom, reveals utmost concern for the health and happiness of the bride and she is assured a prominent status in the husband’s family. She is in fact, given the status of the ‘queen’ of the family and all others brought under her affection and care.
The social aspects also are taken care of and plenty of fun and entertainment are provided. Tasty food, added to that, makes the function enjoyable and memorable to one and all.
Lalitha, who was behind us, looked unusually dull. “What happened sister-in-law, why are your eyes cloudy? ” I asked.
” I should not have fought with you, Athimbar “
“Why?”
” You won’t buy an ice cream for me, when I come to Hyderabad “
“Ha, ha, don’t worry. I will find an ice cream wallah as husband for you.. Hei, why do you look at the sky again?”
”To thank the Heavens for giving my sister a life partner like you” Her eyes were moist.
“What happened all of a sudden?” I couldn’t believe my eyes. “Sister’s husband is always lovable, I know. But I thought you are made of a different metal.”
” I am like any other girl, though a bit quarrelsome. You are not only lovable to me, but admirable too.” she continued in a low voice. “I enjoy your pranks, your erratic behaviour, your lively jokes and the very way you face problems. How is it possible for you, Athimbar to laugh at every thing and behave as if life is nothing but a movie?”
“Because life is nothing but a movie, my dear. Come back to your normal cranky mood, sister-in-law,” I taunted her.
She was worried that soon her sister would be leaving her. In a voice choked with emotion, she continued:” what a match the God has made in you! Akka is dreamily absent minded, seldom speaking unless spoken to, slow and shy in reply; where as, you talk to walls and doors voluntarily. You never worry about tomorrow, whereas she plans for many years ahead. You will love her dearly, I am sure, but you love others too as well and as dearly. For Akka, you are her world.”
She closed her eyes and looking up prayed, “Ente Sreekanteswara!” Make their journey a smooth affair and be with them always providing shadow”
” Lalitha, my prayers may go unanswered; but yours will never”, I took her hand in mine and said,” “because you are pure like the waters of the Ganges at her origin”
Bursting in tears and flinging her arms around her sister, she wept like a child. Ratnam patted her back.
“‘We are proud of you, Lalitha” she said,” Athimbar likes you so much that he is going to miss you”
”You are not to spend your lifetime looking at the stars.” Vadyar was calling us.” Your presence is required for some more time. Some more homams are there”
Now, I want to share my first night experience with you.
“What! You shameless old man!”
I can here your angry words. But I appeal to you , “Please stay back and hear me”. I would even go one step further and invite your youngsters too, so that they will enjoy the fun of my first night.
Thank you. I hear your whisper giving your consent unwillingly, after making sure that your children are not around there,
The bedroom allotted to us for our first night, was a high-domed, spacious, well decorated hall at the eastern side of the Kaithamukku madam. I was impressed by the selected Ravi varma paintings on the wall and the large ebony wood cot, placed in the centre .With its shining planks and ornamental carvings and the circular mirror, the cot had a royal look. So were the big doors at the entrance, which perhaps belonged to a dismantled palace building.
There was an old record player with a shining bugle, placed on a velvet cloth. The records of old- time masters like Veenai Danammal and Karaikkudi Arunachalam were nicely placed near it, covered by a muslin cloth. Nearby was an old Thambura, in a corner, well protected from dust. The presence of all these were understandable but not that of a big jack fruit along with a long knife and a bottle of coconut oil and a few plates, placed on a long heavy wooden bench, at one end of the room.
The exterior of the room, however, was noisy. The well with its wooden roller screaming at every touch was close to the bed room as well as the cowshed . The noise from the workshop, adjoining the bedroom, was much beyond the level of tolerance. Apparently, PMS had employed some labour force to expedite the pending orders for furniture. .
Ratnam was least disturbed. She was trying her fingers on the strings of the musical instrument.
“Couldn’t your uncle find a better place for us, in this big house?” I asked as politely as I could, concealing my anger. Selecting a star hotel as venue was not in vogue, then.
“Everyone in this house has an emotional attachment to this room, because either they were born here or delivered here or both, right from my great grandfather’s time. I too was born here and so were my brother, sister and all the nine daughters of PMS. All my elder cousins spent their first nights here and…”‘
‘’And they are all proud and happy mothers today?”
“Of course.” she replied with family pride brightening her eyes.
“Don’t you think that it would be ideal to handover this room to a maternity hospital?”
“The innocent one didn’t catch my joke. ”Periappa will never part with this house and especially this bed room”
“I see your point” Whether I saw her point or not, one thing was clear. I couldn’t bail out of that room! It had witnessed several just-married couple and just-delivered mothers.
So, the next issue was to see how best I could convert it, to serve the purpose. I looked around; the shutters of the large windows were inoperable. Bed-sheets were available in the cupboard . I collected a few and provided a temporary enclosure.
Then I went towards the doors and tried to close them.’GIRRRRRRRRRR” they screamed. Even Narasimha baghavan wouldn’t have yelled so ferociously, when he jumped out of the pillar. Hearing that yelling, the entire crowd from the ‘Madom’ should have come running towards our bed room; but none came. Perhaps, that was the practice; no help whatsoever, once you are married and dumped into your bedroom.
We look at the sky for its benevolent intervention and help at such hours. I did it and to my horror, I noticed that the huge doors had no stoppers!
Situation was serious. If I leave my hold on the partially closed doors, they will return to the original position with vengeance. Other alternative was to push them some more, though they would protest again and hold them in that position with the help of some heavy objects.
I looked around. There were two movable heavy objects in the room; the cot and the bench. To move the cot, you need at least ten people or a big elephant and to move the bench, five, or a baby elephant. Both are impractical solutions.
“Shall I call boxer uncle?” Ratnam al last, came out with a bright idea.
” Please do. So that he would close the door and stand in that position through out the night?”
“So what?” I thought she would ask. Thank God. She didn’t.
“Why don’t I go out and seek the help of someone to fix the door stoppers?” I thought. But somehow, I didn’t like that idea. P.M.S. was a popular man and his son-in-law jumping out of the bed room, looking for a door stopper would become hot news for the local dailies.
There was only one option left; somehow I would close the doors and keep holding them, through out the night. Ratnam could sleep comfortably. Not a bad idea at all. But I thought again. First night, I presume, is not to be spent that way, holding the doors pressed from inside!
Right from the moment we entered the bed room, Ratnam was busy tuning her musical instrument and humming some songs, unaware of the big battle I was fighting alone. I didn’t like that. She has to be somehow involved in my activities. It is at that time, the big jack fruit grabbed my attention. With much difficulty I cut the fruit into two and then into several peaces. I separated the bright yellow fruits from their messy background with Ratnam’s help .She arranged them neatly in half a dozen big plates. We came out of the room, carrying the fruit plates.
People were so happy to have the tasty fruit; they didn’t ask why we came out. Only one person, the patriarch of the family, P.M.S, enquired taking the trouble of spitting out the tobacco juice.
” Pradama rathry sukham ayo, makkalea? (hope you enjoyed your first night, children?”)
“Oh! pradhama rathri sukham, Parama sukham” I replied, grinning and pushing a fruit into his mouth.
“I look to the sky at night and admire the beauty of the stars.
I stand in awe of their brilliance;
They are as shining and constant
and they have been since the beginning of time.
They light the heavens and fill our hearts with wonder.
When one burns out, another takes its place;
for they are eternal.
Wherever you are, they guide you from their home high above the earth.
At times, they seem close enough to touch,
as they transport your dreams far away.
Their magic compels us to offer up wishes for their consideration.
They make us realize that even when the sky is the darkest,
a tiny beacon of light still shines through.
They are God’s reminder to us that some things really do go on forever”.
‘Stars’
by Sherri Anderson
Some things really do go on forever in the midst of this eternally changing and evanescent world.
The sky and the stars are source of solace for us. When we hear a shocking news or are in distress, we look at them first. We look at them for comfort and guidance . We depend on them to accept responsibility for the happenings beyond our control. We don’t look down and ask Mother Earth why she gave birth to us . We look up and seek the help of the sky.Though for our physical eyes, Druva or Arundathi were not visible in the sky, as Ratnam correctly said, we knew they were there.
A lot of thoughts have gone into the formulation of the wedding ceremony. Deeply rooted in vedic tradition at every stage and keeping the holy fire as the witness, the system takes care of spiritual as well as social aspects. The prayers of the bride-groom, reveals utmost concern for the health and happiness of the bride and she is assured a prominent status in the husband’s family. She is in fact, given the status of the ‘queen’ of the family and all others brought under her affection and care.
The social aspects also are taken care of and plenty of fun and entertainment are provided. Tasty food, added to that, makes the function enjoyable and memorable to one and all.
Lalitha, who was behind us, looked unusually dull. “What happened sister-in-law, why are your eyes cloudy? ” I asked.
” I should not have fought with you, Athimbar “
“Why?”
” You won’t buy an ice cream for me, when I come to Hyderabad “
“Ha, ha, don’t worry. I will find an ice cream wallah as husband for you.. Hei, why do you look at the sky again?”
”To thank the Heavens for giving my sister a life partner like you” Her eyes were moist.
“What happened all of a sudden?” I couldn’t believe my eyes. “Sister’s husband is always lovable, I know. But I thought you are made of a different metal.”
” I am like any other girl, though a bit quarrelsome. You are not only lovable to me, but admirable too.” she continued in a low voice. “I enjoy your pranks, your erratic behaviour, your lively jokes and the very way you face problems. How is it possible for you, Athimbar to laugh at every thing and behave as if life is nothing but a movie?”
“Because life is nothing but a movie, my dear. Come back to your normal cranky mood, sister-in-law,” I taunted her.
She was worried that soon her sister would be leaving her. In a voice choked with emotion, she continued:” what a match the God has made in you! Akka is dreamily absent minded, seldom speaking unless spoken to, slow and shy in reply; where as, you talk to walls and doors voluntarily. You never worry about tomorrow, whereas she plans for many years ahead. You will love her dearly, I am sure, but you love others too as well and as dearly. For Akka, you are her world.”
She closed her eyes and looking up prayed, “Ente Sreekanteswara!” Make their journey a smooth affair and be with them always providing shadow”
” Lalitha, my prayers may go unanswered; but yours will never”, I took her hand in mine and said,” “because you are pure like the waters of the Ganges at her origin”
Bursting in tears and flinging her arms around her sister, she wept like a child. Ratnam patted her back.
“‘We are proud of you, Lalitha” she said,” Athimbar likes you so much that he is going to miss you”
”You are not to spend your lifetime looking at the stars.” Vadyar was calling us.” Your presence is required for some more time. Some more homams are there”
Now, I want to share my first night experience with you.
“What! You shameless old man!”
I can here your angry words. But I appeal to you , “Please stay back and hear me”. I would even go one step further and invite your youngsters too, so that they will enjoy the fun of my first night.
Thank you. I hear your whisper giving your consent unwillingly, after making sure that your children are not around there,
The bedroom allotted to us for our first night, was a high-domed, spacious, well decorated hall at the eastern side of the Kaithamukku madam. I was impressed by the selected Ravi varma paintings on the wall and the large ebony wood cot, placed in the centre .With its shining planks and ornamental carvings and the circular mirror, the cot had a royal look. So were the big doors at the entrance, which perhaps belonged to a dismantled palace building.
There was an old record player with a shining bugle, placed on a velvet cloth. The records of old- time masters like Veenai Danammal and Karaikkudi Arunachalam were nicely placed near it, covered by a muslin cloth. Nearby was an old Thambura, in a corner, well protected from dust. The presence of all these were understandable but not that of a big jack fruit along with a long knife and a bottle of coconut oil and a few plates, placed on a long heavy wooden bench, at one end of the room.
The exterior of the room, however, was noisy. The well with its wooden roller screaming at every touch was close to the bed room as well as the cowshed . The noise from the workshop, adjoining the bedroom, was much beyond the level of tolerance. Apparently, PMS had employed some labour force to expedite the pending orders for furniture. .
Ratnam was least disturbed. She was trying her fingers on the strings of the musical instrument.
“Couldn’t your uncle find a better place for us, in this big house?” I asked as politely as I could, concealing my anger. Selecting a star hotel as venue was not in vogue, then.
“Everyone in this house has an emotional attachment to this room, because either they were born here or delivered here or both, right from my great grandfather’s time. I too was born here and so were my brother, sister and all the nine daughters of PMS. All my elder cousins spent their first nights here and…”‘
‘’And they are all proud and happy mothers today?”
“Of course.” she replied with family pride brightening her eyes.
“Don’t you think that it would be ideal to handover this room to a maternity hospital?”
“The innocent one didn’t catch my joke. ”Periappa will never part with this house and especially this bed room”
“I see your point” Whether I saw her point or not, one thing was clear. I couldn’t bail out of that room! It had witnessed several just-married couple and just-delivered mothers.
So, the next issue was to see how best I could convert it, to serve the purpose. I looked around; the shutters of the large windows were inoperable. Bed-sheets were available in the cupboard . I collected a few and provided a temporary enclosure.
Then I went towards the doors and tried to close them.’GIRRRRRRRRRR” they screamed. Even Narasimha baghavan wouldn’t have yelled so ferociously, when he jumped out of the pillar. Hearing that yelling, the entire crowd from the ‘Madom’ should have come running towards our bed room; but none came. Perhaps, that was the practice; no help whatsoever, once you are married and dumped into your bedroom.
We look at the sky for its benevolent intervention and help at such hours. I did it and to my horror, I noticed that the huge doors had no stoppers!
Situation was serious. If I leave my hold on the partially closed doors, they will return to the original position with vengeance. Other alternative was to push them some more, though they would protest again and hold them in that position with the help of some heavy objects.
I looked around. There were two movable heavy objects in the room; the cot and the bench. To move the cot, you need at least ten people or a big elephant and to move the bench, five, or a baby elephant. Both are impractical solutions.
“Shall I call boxer uncle?” Ratnam al last, came out with a bright idea.
” Please do. So that he would close the door and stand in that position through out the night?”
“So what?” I thought she would ask. Thank God. She didn’t.
“Why don’t I go out and seek the help of someone to fix the door stoppers?” I thought. But somehow, I didn’t like that idea. P.M.S. was a popular man and his son-in-law jumping out of the bed room, looking for a door stopper would become hot news for the local dailies.
There was only one option left; somehow I would close the doors and keep holding them, through out the night. Ratnam could sleep comfortably. Not a bad idea at all. But I thought again. First night, I presume, is not to be spent that way, holding the doors pressed from inside!
Right from the moment we entered the bed room, Ratnam was busy tuning her musical instrument and humming some songs, unaware of the big battle I was fighting alone. I didn’t like that. She has to be somehow involved in my activities. It is at that time, the big jack fruit grabbed my attention. With much difficulty I cut the fruit into two and then into several peaces. I separated the bright yellow fruits from their messy background with Ratnam’s help .She arranged them neatly in half a dozen big plates. We came out of the room, carrying the fruit plates.
People were so happy to have the tasty fruit; they didn’t ask why we came out. Only one person, the patriarch of the family, P.M.S, enquired taking the trouble of spitting out the tobacco juice.
” Pradama rathry sukham ayo, makkalea? (hope you enjoyed your first night, children?”)
“Oh! pradhama rathri sukham, Parama sukham” I replied, grinning and pushing a fruit into his mouth.
Oh! Parama sukham -Chapter 17
Divine nature of wife is mentioned while she is at the threshold of becoming a part of our life and it continues till the end of the wedding function to be repeated often at different later events. ‘Subaghe !’ is a word often used to address the bride, which is the base for सौà¤à¤¾à¤—à¥à¤¯à¤µà¤¤à¥€ ‘soubaghyavathi’ in our wedding invitations. ‘ Greha Lakshmi’, ‘ Soubaghgya Lakshmi’ ‘Ma inti Mahala Lakshmi’ – Wife is always divine.
The ‘mangalasootram’ or ‘thali’ would have been a later introduction as there is no mention about that in the earlier procedural guides. But it became the most prominent identification mark along with ‘metti’ and ‘kumkumam’ symbols for the married status of women with living husband, ‘Metti’ is mentioned even in Ramayanam. It is made of silver.
Metti worn in feet is believed to contribute in the regularization of the menstrual cycles and revitalizing the productive organs, promoting the conceiving capacity. Silver being a good conductor, absorbs the earth’s energy and passes it through the body refreshing it. Wearing silver at the lower part of the body is a practice in vogue even by males in some villages, either as waist belts or ankle rings, by farmers and other working class . The upper part of the body was always adorned by gold. Somebody, someday might do some research on this subject and come out with scientific facts. There is some basis for every practice in our cultural and religious practices.
“I am tying this mangalasutra, my life support, on your neck, oh! Subhaghe! (auspicious woman!) may you live long happily.â€
And then, for Paanigrahanam, :
“I am holding this hand of yours; you have been gifted to me by the gods to head my family and present me with good offspring and be with me till my old age. May the auspicious Saraswathy protect this act. May the Universal purifier, the god Vayu, unite your mind with mine! —–â€
The ‘Sapthpadhi’ manthras are equally meaningful.
“You have taken the first step; May the God Mahavishu follow your step and provide you food.
“You have taken the second step; May the same God follow your step and give you good health.
“When you take your third step, may the God follow you to perform your austerities.
“When you take your fourth step, may He follow you to give you comforts and happiness.
“When you take your fifth step, may He follow you to give the wealth of cattle
“When you take your sixth step, may He follow you so that the seasons are favourable to you.
“When you take your seventh step, may He follow you to help you in participating in ‘homamas’ and other rituals (which are part of married life).
It was significant that holding the bride’s hand, I helped her to get from the seat and later, in moving each step ahead, around the sacred fire. The first body contact was thus established with a note of support to the bride and in such a way that she could depend on the extended helping hand of her husband not only to get up but also to walk around the fire, which again was symbolic.
The next mantra of ‘sankalpam’, uttered looking at the bride, was poetic:
“After these seven steps made together, we have become friends. Let us remain together always. You don’t leave me and I too won’t. Let us be one in body and thoughts and let us do everything together. I am the sky and you the earth . I, the mind and you, the word. —–Come, let us join to enjoy life.â€
Beauty!
The subsequent homa mantras as well, are pregnant with meaning, consideration and compassion towards the bride and sincere prayers to the gods to make the married life meaningful and enjoyable. Not only for the wealth of worthy progeny but for their long life, health are sought from the Gods .The prayer for the long life for the mother so that she could enjoy the fruit of her action, is significant.
“Dasasyam puthranadehi, padim ekadasam krithyâ€. (Bless her to have ten children and make her husband, the eleventhâ€) is moving..
What a lovely way to start the family wife?
My words, while helping the bride to step on the granite stone, were encouraging and meant to remove her fear in entering an unknown world.
“Mount it and be firm like this stone. Fight with those who fight, but tolerate the enemy ( if a need arises)â€
Then came the bride’s turn to pray for the longevity of her husband.
The following mantra should open the eyes of those who unknowingly despise our scriptures for not giving enough importance for our women:
“Samrajsree swasurea bahva; Samrajsree swasruvam bavaha; Nanandari samrajsree bavaha; Samrajsree adhithea vrishu. ( You be a queen to your father-law; you be a queen to your mother-in-law; you be a queen to your brothers and sisters-in-law).
The next mantra extends the list to all relatives of the husband and children and even property.
Agnisakshi : Agni has a premier position among the gods in Vedams, the first Rik ‘Agni meele purohitam’ eulogizing Agni. Agni is the very symbol of the Supreme, the Paramatma, who makes the sun to shine, illumines and energize the universe. Agni feeds through the products generated in earth from the sun shine and when the inner fire is extinct, when the prana vayu leaves discarding the body, It is Agni who purifies it and takes it to the Originator.
“Look at the star Arundathi.†I asked my wife pointing to the sky, “ How bright she is ! “
“Where is the star ?” asked the innocent girl.
“Look at my heart” I replied, ” Arundathi is there; and you are that star “
That star continues to shine there.
Oh! Parama Sukham – Chapter 16
” Have a good heart and win the heart of your husband, parents and relatives by your behaviour”.These were the words I uttered to the bride, when I faced her on the dais,for the first time. How meaningful ! And continued, ” be devoted to God and be kind to humans and animals, which save you ”
While that simple minded Amman, a suddha brahmanan, vaideekan, sat before me on the floor, bent his head and washed my legs, I silently chanted, ‘Narayana, Narayana ‘ so that the service he did for me really reached the one to whom it really belongs to, though the maeaning of the mantra I recited as dictated was, ‘let this water washing my feet destroy the evil spirits which are against this union. Let me have Brahma tejaz “
Amman’s face was shining. He would not have had any problem, as I faced for he, had the sankalpam supported by the mantram that, ” I am offering this seat to him, who is Mahavishnu himself. See how important ‘bhavam’ is !
The ‘kanya’ was a given as ‘dhanam’. The rights of the asset received as ‘dhanam’ was fully with the receiver. The wife, those days completely depended on her husband and his family. A cow given as a dhanam to a brahmanan had to be with him only; so was a gold coin . So was the wife. If you ask, was a girl a cow or a coin, I have no answer. But ‘dhanam’ was a much respected word those days. Dhanam opened the gates for salvation.There were great kings in our mythology like Mahabali, Sibhi chakravarthy and Karna who sacrificed their very life to keep up their vows on dhanam . So, giving a kanya in dhanam was not throwing away an unwanted stuff. It was a pious act, propagated by sastras and practiced by great souls.The best asset was selected for giving and worthy receiver was chosen.
Now, educated and employed girls could go back to their parents or live independently .They have the means for that, which their ancestors never had. The girl, given to her husband, completely identified herself with the husband’s family. My atahi, came back to her mother’s place after 60 years of marriage from Tanjore. By then, her mother was not their, not even the house which she left . My wife’s athai who became a widow soon after her wedding at the age of ten or eleven became a part of her brothers’ family and took care of a huge family, performed the wedding of her younger siblings and looked after their wards and again another generation. I know an elderly woman, who came from kerala as a bride to Sreekakulam in Andhrapradesh, some seventy years ago couldn’t go back to her place even once. In the initial days, she had no money, then she was entangled with her family duties and by the time her children grew up and was prepared to spend any amount for her to visit her place there was none
in the place of her birth whom she could recognize or who would recognize her. I have some relatives who saved every pie to educate their children who are now ready to take them all over the world. But what is the use ? The elders are unfit to travel, either the urine flows nonstop or do not flow at all.
Placing darbai on the bride’s head, seated on her father’s lap and a mini yoke over that was all symbolic again, then placing a gold coin, after prayer to Indra to remove diseases if any from her body,followed by a prayer again shows how much care was taken to ensure that the bride was made fit by all means to become a wife and shoulder higher responsibilities. All these may look absurd now but remember the husband was accepting a big responsibility and only divine grace, he had to depend upon. Now we have many things to support us, wealth, education,job, power, and so on and above all the woman who comes along with us can look after herself and if necessary, look after us too.
When the bride reruns to the dais wearing the ‘koorapudavai’ after mangalasnanam( auspicious bath ) when again the ‘golden waters from which the sun and fire appeared’ were invoked, I tried a darbai chord around her waist saying, ‘ this girl who has prayed for long life for her husband, healthy and intelligent children and a healthy body for herself to serve others, stands before Agni ready to follow me in my religious pursuits. To sanctify the marriage with her, I am tying this sacred durbai around her waist “
Oh! Parama Sukham – Chapter 15
As in Greece, dance was highly religious in India where the temples promoted that art form. Bharatnatyam, one of the oldest documented classical dance forms in the world, dating back to 500 BC, blends pure lyric movement and pantomime drama and is highly developed and purely religious. Isadora Duncan. says “the dance of the future will have to become again a high religious art as it was with the Greeks. For art which is not religious is not art, is mere merchandise” Her views, however are not shared by many.
The dance has been a way of giving expression to internal tranquility and harmony, and the unique charm of human body, from top to toe is revealed, when the body moves in a rhythm, when the heart overflows with happiness. Sometimes, even sorrow or anger, find expression through dance. Time or space matters little and that is why God Nataraja, that divine master of dances was equally comfortable in a graveyard or on a mountain top always covered by ice. True to his life style, Krishna was choosy about the location and company, for dance. I have not come across any other human form as beautiful as that of dancing Nataraja, though I had occasions to view several statues of east and west and many of them did attract me. Symbolism enhances Nataraja’s charm, by stimulating your thoughts while pleasing your eyes.
Krishna’s dance with mortals and Natarja’s in the grave yard, signify the Divine’s universal embrace of living and lived, present and past. Only from such union can one expect the evolution of a star of unique brilliance and bliss, the ‘Makarajyothi’, the star of hope, the star of future.
Oh! Parama sukham–chapter 14
Parmasukham continues :
.
“Why am I asked to look at ‘appam’ and not at laddu, when the blindfold is removed?â€
“Some threads like bakthi, love, compassion etc. are invisible . These become stronger, if you lead a good life with positive thinking and helping attitude and become weaker, if you complicate your life with undesirable thoughts, acts and attitudes.â€
“There is another explanation: Like a puppeteer, remotely controlling the action or inaction of the puppets, a Supreme power regulates our moves, according to our ancestors.That belief runs through our veins. That is how our poets and musicians describe the Supreme power as ‘soothradhari’, the one who holds the soothram or string. In Sanskrit dramas, a ‘soothradari’ or stage manager used to introduce the story and actors to the audience.
“Fool!†Father always uses the apt word, to address me. “If she ties the thread around your neck, the responsibility of maintaining the equilibrium is on YOU!. .That thin thread is to remind her that she is the uniting force in her husband’s family and by accepting your thread, she accepts the load of your parents, siblings and other close relatives of yours. She becomes the real ‘soothradhari’ of you and your family. Similarly, by tying that thread around her neck you assure her of affection, care and safety.