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Ammalu is always right

“Why do you go and tell everybody, I’m your husband?”
“Then what do I tell them?”
“Say, I’m your boy friend”
“But, you are neither a boy nor a friend”
“The other day, Ammini told me, “you are a naughty boy'”
“Then, she is your friend. Go and play with her”
“Ammalu, is this the age for me to play?”
“Then, you are not a boy”
“Then, what am I?”
“You are my husband. There ends the matter. No more arguments.
You are what?”
“My husband”
“What a gift! I scold you right and left and you laugh at me! I admire you, naughty boy”
“So, I’m your boy friend”
“Of course, you are!”
“Your mom was a great lady till she became my mother in law”
“You are great since you became her son in law. What is important is I’m maintaining your greatness and that is the core point”
“You score on that core point, Ammalu”
In a family, the husband controls the wife and not the other way. If she takes over the reins, better he quits and goes for SanyAs.
What is that you are giving me, Amnalu?”
“A pair of ocher robes and a four Anna coin”
“Four Annas! For what?”
“For buying inchi muttai or lolly pup”
“Who will give you inchi muttai or lolly pup for four Annas, oldie?”
“Ok. Here you go. One more coin. Buy one for me too. Lolly pup, is my preference”
“You too plan for sanyAs?”
“With none to control over, what do I do here?”
“Wives have no other work, other than controlling their husbands?”
“They have, but not major ones”
“Ammalu, tell your mom that she did not buy me from the Pollachi cattle market for perpetual slavery. I can return anytime, the soiled, torn 2×10 notes, she gave my dad as dowry and come out of her bondage”
“I did tell her yesterday, when we were discussing about you. ‘Why not?’ Said my mom. “Let him return the same torn, soiled notes with 10% interest for 50 years and happily go whoever he wants to'”
“Is she fooling me ? From where will I get the same soiled, torn notes now?”
“That is my responsibility. I will take new notes and tear and soil, for a small commission”
“You are part of the plan of that age- torn woman? And aren’t ashamed, my wife for fifty years, to ask for a commission to oust me from my own house?”
“Ok, no commission. Wait for a day more. My mom will be here tomorrow, talk to her and decide”
“Decide what? To stay back as you can’t live without me?”
“No. To return new notes instead of the torn, soiled ones so that you need not pay me the commission”
“During my childhood Ammalu, I never crossed a single line drawn by my father”
“I was in fact, wondering why you are crossing so many lines, in your old age. Now,I know the reason”
“Ammalu, your birth star is not that highly auspicious, as mentioned in your horoscope but something else so,so.
An old man from your village gave me this shocking information just now. Don’t know what to do?”
I wish that old man had passed on this valuable information, an hour earlier. I just saw the star mentioned in my horoscope, collapsing, nosediving and vaporizing, due to old age”
“So, no other way but to manage with the wrong entry?”
“My Birthdays are coming too fast”
“Wrong; you walk towards your next birthdays, too fast”
“Ammalu, had I not married you, you think, I would have married Ammini”
“She had worked under you for a long period. How do you judge her intelligence?”
‘She would not have married you”
“Ammalu, my problem is not that you don’t love me. My problem is that you love me so much
that you don’t allow me to even look at another woman”
Be honest; it helps.
Be good; it helps.
Be bold; it helps.
Do as your wife says. It certainly helps.
“I had to bow my head in shame when Ammini asked,’what are you doing all the time sitting at home SP Sir? Braiding Ammalu’s hair?”
“Was Nair there, when she chided you?”
“Yes, he was there”
“And he didn’t say a word to support you?”
“No, he was busy braiding Ammini’s hair”
“How intelligent Ammini is! That is how one woman helps another woman, one wife helps another wife. That is how they teach husbands like you, through visual and verbal aids. Yesterday, observing a wound in my hand she decided to tell you, to help me. Her questing to you was in fact, a suggestion, a request.”
“How did she knew the time of my visit, to ask Nair to sit behind, holding her hair? Or was he sitting behind her, right from the morning to give a visual effect?”
“Why didn’t you ask her that question on the spot, instead of bending your head in shame, when she asked you, were you sitting braiding your wife, the whole day?
A tiger before me, you turn into a mouse before Ammini”
”Ammalu, why all these visual and verbal weapons and virtual attacks on me. You could have asked Ammini to braid your hair till your wound is healed ”
“I wanted Ammini to enjoy her husband sitting behind and balding her hair”
“Oh, that is how one woman helps other; one wife helps another wife!”
“You got it right. The comb is in the first drawer of the mirror table”
“I would like to be your wife in another 7 births”
“To treat me like Kalyani, our cow?”
“No, to enjoy the jokes of your girl friends, about you ”
“They like me or not?”
“They do. That is the Sudoku problem for me”
“Ammalu, come on! Enough of this worldly life. Let us go to
Kasi ”
“How many pattu saris will you buy?”
I’m not unhappy when you complain that I have girl friends. I’m unhappy only when you complain about them, Ammalu”
“Who said I’m complaining about them? I pity them”
“Wonder how your friends, including Ammini, like you, despite knowing fully well, that you take pleasure in telling lies”
“you have answered your question, Ammalu. As good friends, they want me to be happy. Pleasure is a step above.
Whatever gives me pleasure, gives them pleasure too.None to compare with friends, Ammalu”
“Then how is it that I’m not happy, when you lie?”
“Simple. You are not my friend. Only a wife”
“Only a wife?”
“Ignore please. That was a lie. You are a friend too”
“In the good olden days, whenever I enter home, you used to get up from your seat as a mark of respect. Gone are those golden days, Ammalu”
“Then it was gold. Now it is some cheaper metal joining the upper and lower portions of my legs. At least now, you realize the value of gold and buy me some jewels”
“You continue to sit and enjoy, Ammalu. I dislike male chauvinism”
“Thank God, I’m not maintaining a dairy of words you waste everyday. I would have gone mad”
“And if I were to collect the words you spill, I would have become a diamond merchant, Ammalu!”
“I’m not sure of that . But at least there would have been enough diamonds in your collection to make a diamond necklace for me”
“Who will pay for the gold?”
“Worth noting in my diary”
“you have a spare dosa-pan, Ammalu?”
” Ammini in a bad mood, hit Nair’s head with her non-sticky pan and it got stuck on his bald head. She will be coming now to borrow your aluminum pan”
“I won’t give her. She never returns any vessel borrowed and I need a spare one always with me”
“See the rich growth on my head Ammalu. Poor thing why don’t you lend her?”

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