Shivam Diaries

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  • Habsiguda chef and his adventures

    Rs 210. Basic pay was too big an amount for a fresh BSc in 1958. But my Appa said, ‘no, I can’t send my son to Assam’

    ‘It is an attractive post as a Silt Analyst with hopes for raising’, I tried to convince him. My father and my wife both shared a good habit- if they say, ‘no’, under no circumstances, it could turn into ‘yes’.

    ‘No’, said my wife when I suggested, ‘why don’t we have one more child?’ , two years after my fourth child, my third son, was born. The year was 1985 and I was to retire in 1994. She had, perhaps, that date in mind.

    Anyway, that is a different story.

    Now, coming to dosai, my daughter through FaceTime had given clear instructions which I followed strictly, but my dosai refused to get up from the tawa in a single form. Two, three, six pieces were tolerable, not twenty. I never give up. Ok, if not dosa, idli. Where is the idli vessel? It was very much there and after pouring the mix, I found that the central rod linking the plates was missing. I have told you that story. I was, as disappointed as I was, when Appa said ‘no’ to my Assam job, in 1958.

    Shivam Perinkulam never gives up. Had it been so, he would not have become a husband after being rejected by almost every eligible girl, this side of the Vindhya hills! No husband meant no father, no father meant no USA, U.K. or Europe or Switzerland trips. Olavakkode, Perinkulam, Hyderabad, maximum Kasi, Rameswaram!

    A new idea cropped up this morning. Why not make a paste of rice and mix with the bulk stock, sleeping in the fridge!

    Hip, hip hurray! It worked. The first trial dosa was a thick one; then on, no going back.

    Vicha Anna was excited, Yadamma enjoyed eating, fully opening her mouth.

    ‘Dosa, chAla bAgunthi’- madam Y ( maid servant Yadamma)

    ‘Onnu koodi’ Mr. V ( brother Vicha )

  • Ammalu is always right

    ‘Is it too much to ask, if, as your husband, I expect you to return a small percentage of love which I have given you?’

    ‘You love me because, you like me. Your love, in whole, I accept, absorb and it becomes a part of me. There is no question of returning in full or part of it.
    It is another matter if I like you and shower my love on you. It is not giving. It is showering. Once I showered on you, I don’t expect you to collect a portion of it and give me back. Is it clear now, my loving husband?’

    ‘Confusing. Can’t grasp. Coming down to earth. Can you please give me a hundred rupees for my petty expenses, Ammalu dear?’

    ‘Why not? It is not too much to ask from your wife!’

    How strong is your mom now financially, Ammalu?’

    ‘Not bad’

    ‘Can you borrow some money from her?’

    ‘Why not? How much?’

    ‘A lakh and one’

    ‘Here is one rupee. A lakh will be credited to my account’

    ‘To your account?’

    ‘Yes, you told her the other day that all your bank balance has been transferred to my account and your account is inoperative’

    ‘Ammalu, which fool will transfer his life’s savings to his wife?

    ‘But, that was what you told her’

    ‘Ammalu, for the heaven’s sake don’t believe a word your husband tell others especially women’

    ‘Really? So, all the stories they say about you are untrue, which means you are a perfect gentleman? . I will go and tell my mom immediately!

    ‘Yes, immediately. But don’t forget to ask her a loan for a perfect gentleman’

    Saarinnu ezupatbu thekanjoo alley! Cooed Ammini. She thinks I’m seventy only. Poor girl’

    ‘There could be two reasons for the disappearance of ten years. Either the poor girl has lost her very lost tooth or the battery of your hear aid needs replacement’

    ‘Or Ammini’s memory battery might be leaking, Ammalu’

    ‘No way. The other day she leaked out your secret session with her on the day of your retirement’

    ‘That was ten years before Ammalu’

    ‘No, twenty. Now, I should take to the workshop to check the battery leak’

     

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    ‘You see me in your dreams, Ammalu?’

    ‘From morning to evening, I see you behind me, wherever I go. Is that not enough?’

    ‘You have eyes at your back too, Ammalu?’

    ‘I have eyes all over my body. Otherwise, how did I manage all these years to keep you with me and for me?’

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    Ammalu, tell me frankly, do you love me now as much as you did on the first few days of our marriage?’

    ‘You want a frank reply?’

    ‘Yes, please’

    ‘My love lasted only for 45 minutes!’

    ’45 minutes! Not even an hour! Why Ammalu?’

    ‘You talked about me only for the first 45 minutes after our wedding. Afterwards, you were boasting about other girls’

    ‘I was a teenager then!’

    ‘That is why I said, ‘girls”

    ‘Why didn’t you accept as a true admission of a guilt, opened up by an innocent teenager to his wife in their first meet itself?’

    ‘If it was the revelation of a guilt, I would have accepted. It was a bluff’

    ‘Ok. If it was a bluff, why did you stop loving me?’

    ‘I hate bluff more than a wrong doing’

    ‘Ok. Did I stop bluffing as you didn’t love me?’

    ‘No. I have in fact, started loving your bluff’

    ‘So, now you love my bluff and not me?’

    ‘See, it is a difficult question. You and bluff have both joined as one and it has become difficult for me to distinguish your bluff from you’

    ‘Ammalu, you are bluffing’

    ‘Then I too have become an inseparable part of you’

    ‘Thank you, Ammalu. We are one in two bodies’

    ‘That is a true statement, not a bluff. Thank you’

    —————–

  • Ammalu is always right

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    ‘You see me in your dreams, Ammalu?’

    ‘From morning to evening, I see you behind me, wherever I go. Is that not enough?’

    ‘You have eyes at your back too, Ammalu?’

    ‘I have eyes all over my body. Otherwise, how did I manage all these years to keep you with me and for me?’

    —————

    ‘I see neither Saraswathy nor Lakshmi but only Durga manifestation in you, Ammalu’

    ‘ I had been the cause for your earning fame, name and wealth and knowledge during your young days and now to punish you for your misdeeds, goddess has chosen me as Durga’

    ‘You were the cause for my wealth and knowledge?’

    ‘Weren’t you telling everyone that I was your Lakshmi. Your mom said so, your dad said so, your relatives said so’

    ‘That was a formality’

    ‘Means everyone in your family was lying?’

    ‘Not that Ammalu. Why are you getting angry? You are an embodiment of peace and tranquility’

    ‘But you see only Durga in me!’

    ‘That was when my eyeglasses were unclear. I have cleaned those now and have a better vision’

    ‘So, how do I look now?’

    ‘Like Lakshmi and Saraswathi’

     

     

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    ‘I can tell from memory the make, color and pattern of saris worn by your friends who attended your kolu this evening, Ammalu.’

    ‘I’m glad that your have that information. Please note it down pass on to our Chettiyar tomorrow and order for me one sari in each pattern. I liked all the saris’

    ‘Are you mad? Twenty two women attended the kolu and you want me to order 22 saris! Sorry Ammalu, I was bluffing. I don’t remember all the patterns’

    ‘How many do you remember?’

    ‘Three or four’

    ‘Ok. Order three or four saris’

    ‘Ammalu, on this Vijayadasami day, I take a vow. Now on, I will never look at the saris of any of your friends and if by chance, if I happen to see, I won’t remember their colour, brand or pattern’

    ‘That is for the future and that decision doesn’t affect your past mistakes. Oder four saris , ok?’

    ‘Four saris !!!!’

    ‘Ok, make it three’

    Ammalu, my mother would have never expected that my marriage with you would be nothing but misery multiplied by millions’

    ‘My mother expected about my marriage though the multiplication factor was not that high as your mother’s expectation’

     

  • Ammalu is always right

    ‘Let us settle this issue once and for all, Ammalu. Is there an element of doubt in a corner of your mind that I’m not all that honest and sincere as I appear to be’

    ‘Not in a corner. Is the issue settled once and for all and to your satisfaction?’

    “There is a divya tejas, Devine glow on my face, said Kameswari, while I was coming out of the temple. You too see the glow on my face, Ammalu?’

    ‘Yes, I do see. And that glow was not there when you left for the temple. Your Easwaries are doing wonders there!’

    ‘Yes, Ammalu. I agree, I have a hundred bad habits. What will you do? Go and complain to your mom? . What will she do? She will ask me to return the one hundred soiled one rupee notes she gave me as dowry. I will give her new currency notes. Fresh from the bank. What does the old lady knows about my status in the society?’

    ‘SP, she neither complains about your habits which are not that bad as you proudly claims to be, nor is reclaiming the soiled notes, which she purposely gave you.
    She only asks you to use a belt to tighten your dothi, if you can’t wear it tight. It may not suit your high status if it slips and falls when you go for a walk along with other people of high society’

    ———————

    ‘Had I issued a matrimonial ad. hundreds of beauties would have responded, Ammalu’

    ‘Why only hundreds, even thousands of girls would have responded had you inserted your photo too. But ultimately, you could have selected only one beauty’

    ‘Why only one? I would have selected four’

    ‘Oh, you were talking of ad. for kannukutties, calves! I thought it was for a girl’

  • A tree in a temple premises

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    A lamp before a deity or shrine, yes, understandable. Flowers at the feet of a deity, understandable. But, why those at the feet of a tree? Are these people mad?

    Imagine how old would have been this tree. Certainly it would have been standing there seeing several summers and winters. Certainly, it would have seen several devotees coming to the temple, would have given shelter to them and perhaps fruits too. It will continue to do so for many more years. Even after all devotes have left for home, even after the doors of shrines are shut, the tree stands there meditating. It doesn’t go to sleep. When the devotees comes next morning welcomes them with freshness bubbling on their face! No complaint of not getting sleep the previous night. Like that several nights have passed by, but still the tree has remained fresh, happy and ready to welcome devotees. Is not this tree worth worshipping?

    Mountains , hills, rivers, trees, animals, aakAsam, space, air, Vaayu, bhoomi, the earth, Agni, fire, all were worshipped by our ancestors. They found divine presence in everything. No, they found them as Devine, as gods themselves. The result was they realized their own divinity and tried to be honest, truthful, caring, loving, compassionate, kind.

    The god in trees and hills and rivers theory worked extremely well for generations and continues to work to a great extend even now.

    That belief is good. Let not enter in my mind all sorts of doubts and new theories to nullify my inherited ancestral asset.

    Let me place a few flowers and light a mud lamp at the feet of the tree.

  • Ammalu is always right

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    My youngest daughter in law Meena Bhaskar’s Boston kolu.

     

    ‘For Bommakolu when your friends come, I can go out if you don’t like me to be here, Ammalu’

    ‘No need. Be in your library, pretending to read or write, enjoying our chats secretly. But don’t peep into the pooja every five minutes and tell the womenfolk, ‘this doll is Rama, that doll is Ravana, who stole his wife’ . Every one knows the Rama story’

    ‘And every one knows that I didn’t steal another man’s wife but I have my own’

    ‘Wah, SP, classic. You deserve a seat in my kolu!’

    ———————-

    ‘Why do you stare at me when I cut jokes with my former colleagues, who come for Bommakolu, Ammalu?’

    ‘You laugh at your jokes while others don’t. In fact you are the only one who laughs.’

    ‘If not others, you could laugh?’

    ‘I feel laughing now!’

    ‘Ammalu, invite all your friends Ammini, Paru, Pattu, KalyAni, Karthyayani, every one and ask them to sing a song each. If you want me to join, I can oblige’.

    ‘I think it is enough if you alone sing. That will cover all the ragams, all the thalams’

    ——————–

     

    ‘I’m glad that you are a gifting a Kanchi sari for all our friends
    When they come home for bommakolu’

    ‘Kanchi pattu for Bommakolu? Who told you?’

    ‘They all said’

    ‘That is their trick. They know that you will get excited , come running and prompt me and I will rush to the Chettiar shop and buy saris to keep up my prestige. Cunning women!’

    ‘They saw you in the Chettiar shop this morning’

    ‘I went to buy a sari for myself’

    ‘Why for you, now? Last year you bought one sari’

    ‘I did, yes. Your friends didn’t and they are roaming about with no wrappings! Awaiting for my gift !’

    ‘You seems to be in angry mood, Ammalu’

    ‘No, I’m very pleased with my husband who wants me to buy twenty saris and gift to his old friends but can’t tolerate my buying a sari for my use’

  • Onion chutney expert

    Savithri was in such a hurry when she entered my house that I thought her husband was hiding behind me and she had come to pick him up.

    ‘He is not here’, I made the position clear without waiting for her asking.

    ‘Who is not here?’ She asked.

    ‘Your husband’

    ‘Who wants that old man? I came for you’

    ‘But, I’m older to him’

    ‘Anna, your jokes are always enjoyable like pulitchamor( soured buttermilk)’

    ‘Why call me ‘Anna’? Aren’t you older to me?’

    ‘Again jokes!’

    ‘Like pulitchamor?!

    ‘Anna, enough of this. I came for a help.

    ‘Want to borrow some Sundari cheekai powder?’

    ‘Jokes again! I want you to make some onion chutney for me’

    ‘What! You think I’m a cook ?’

    ‘You are. That is what everyone says. And your onion chutney is superb, I’m told’

    ‘Everyone said that?’

    ‘Not everyone. Our Parukutty said . She saw your post and your picture with a bowlful of onion chutney’

    ‘Parukutty said? Ok. Parukutty, you are out of my friends circle !’
    Love,
    Shivam Perinkulam
    Sent from my iPad

  • Ammalu is always right

     

    I blamed my wife when my iPad was not getting charged.

    ‘Change your charger,’ she suggested.

    ‘I will change my wife,’ I yelled at her.

    ‘Do that, if you have courage,’ she warned.

    ‘The iPad is getting charged,’ I said.

    The iPad is getting charged. Even the iPad charger is afraid of Ammalu!

    ‘Ammalu, I’m sure your friends have some good words about me’

    ‘Yes, they do have, but they don’t tell me. They are polite!’

     

    ‘Ammalu, what is the name of the lady who came last for the Kolu, last evening’

    ‘My mom came last’

    ‘What is her name?’

    ‘Let me ask her and tell you. I too forgot ‘

    ‘No, no. You don’t do that. I will find out from my ‘pending -dues
    list’

    ‘If her name is in that list, you would not have forgotten. That shows she has cleared the dues. But, she remembers your name. So, settle her dues, today, now, in another thirty seconds, as she is standing behind you and I want your nose intact to smell from the distance and appreciate the aroma of my food’

    ——————————

    ‘When is your fiftieth birthday, asked poornakumbeswari, yesterday’

    ‘What was your answer?’

    ‘I smiled proudly. Didn’t say a word. I’m sure she would have understood’

    ‘Yes, she would have. Your smile said it. I’m sure she would have watched your smile’

    ‘Yes, Ammalu. She did. She too smiled back’

    ‘That shows she had noticed your vacant space in your mouth and assessed your fiftieth birthday date, approximately’

    ‘Approximately?’

    ‘There are still two back- broken teeth precariously hanging from the roof. Once those too fall, she will judge your age correctly’

  • Is not my Hyderabad life exciting?

    I have noted that after retuning back home, my ledger of problems never shows a Nil balance. Solve one, another problem is waiting behind.
    So, I have found a way. I don’t treat any of those as ‘problems’ and give importance.

    Result- I have now only events and not problems!

    Events come and go. I attend to those but don’t watch for the results. That helps.

    In America too I had problems during the second half of my stay there. That was solely related to my health. But, the load on me was minimum, as I was not the load- bearer! There were many, my daughter in law Meghana mainly, my son, daughter and others.

    No charm if your load is carried by others! You should carry it on your head.

    Hyderabad life is exciting despite many problems I am facing.

    Oh, I said I have no problems. Let me continue with the new name,’events!’

    While serving food for my brother Vicha, my landline rings. Vicha, either didn’t hear or didn’t want to hear. I too ignore the rings.

    Phone stops but rings again. I go near the phone when Vicha wants one chutta pappadam- baked pappad. I go to the kitchen. The phone rings again. I pick it up. It is Kundalakesi. Her name is kumudam, but I call her Kundalam to respect the big kodakkadukkans hanging from her small ear lobes. Kodakkadukkans are ear-ornaments in the shape of umbrellas.

    ‘Anna, are you free coming Sunday?’, she enquires.

    ‘Why, you are calling me for food in hotel Kubhera?’

    ‘No, Anna, my daughter is delivering a female baby’

    ‘How do you know the baby is going to be female?’

    ‘My daughter was in USA ‘

    ‘Ok, but in what way am I going to be helpful in the maternity ward?’

    ‘You have a task there; my Anna, you can do it’

    ‘You expect me to apply my Malayalam manthravAdam and convert the baby to male ?’

    ‘No, I want you to take her to the hospital’

    ‘Shall send my car with the driver. Why should I come?’

    ‘No, Anna. I want you to write her horoscope on the spot’

    ‘I’m not an astrologer !’

    ‘That is ok. But you can bluff and convert the Moolam star into Makham. ‘Moolathu mAmiyar mukkilae’ you know!’

    ‘My bluff can do many things but not convert a star to another one. I’m sorry. And I don’t believe in such rubbish that one star is worse than another. My son Srikanth is Moolam- born. His mother in law is not sitting in a corner.. She is a world trotter’

    ‘Anna, my belief is unshakeable . I want the baby to be born only in Makham star’

    ‘Tell the doctor and get the surgery on the day you want’
    ‘ I tired. Makham is too far. Can’t wait till then, doctor says’

    ‘One more chutta pappadam!’ Vicha demands.

    I close my talk with my friend.

    You won’t believe the other day, I had a call from a relative, mother of an MTech boy from IIT Chennai, decently employed. His star is Moolam and his mother says she has problem to find a match.

    Will we never come out of these obsolete thoughts?

    I was born in Hastham star, born after great prayers from my mother. But the women in the neighborhood expressed fear about my father’s longevity. They had an example in my father. He was also Hastham born and his father passed away soon after he was born. My father with multi health problems passed away only after I crossed forty. My second son Atchu is Hastham born. I’m sure, whether you accept or not, I’m alive!

    Now, tell me. Is not my Hyderabad life exciting?
    Love,
    Shivam Perinkulam
    Sent from my iPad

  • Ammalu is always right

    ‘Let the Sun rise in the West, let the stars rise in the mid noon. I will love you and you alone, Ammalu’

    ‘The question is not that. Can you love me and me alone when the sun rises in the East and the stars rise after sunset?’

    ‘Ammalu, behave and talk like the wife of a man of repute. A man of great respect. People are watching you’

    ‘People are watching you for that behavior. Even animals. Yesterday, raising your head and straightening your body like a stick, when you asked, facing the empty space, in the Shivaji Ganesan style, ‘evarakkada, who’s there?’, our cow KalyAni answered, ‘mae!’

    ‘Ammalu, don’t you have any other work other than watching my movements ?’

    ‘I work fifteen hours a day. Shouldn’t I have some fun and pastime?’

    ‘My movements are funny for me?’

    ‘Not for me. For our cow KalyAni. ‘Mae!’

    —————//———-

    Wonder why you want to come to attend my talks meant exclusively for intelligent people of high caliber?’

    ‘Just to alert you sitting among the audience, by body signal when you quote fabricated quotations from people never lived, so that with your intelligence you can modify the sentence’

    ‘So, you have no doubt about my intelligence supremacy over you’

    ‘No, that is why I’m correcting you’