‘ Ammalu, it dawns on me that our marriage has been a failure. I realized it late but better late than never. What shall we do? You are always ready with novel ideas to solve problems, come on, tell me what shall I do? If we get separated, our children won’t spare us. Our daughters -in -law will mock at us. Our grandchildren will laugh at us. Suggest a method by which I get a life -partner, acceptable to all and helpful to you. And tell me quickly, please’
‘Can you wait tell the dawn next, SP?’
‘Sure. Having waited all these years, one night hardly matters’
‘Good boy. Go to sleep now. By the first meter -gauge train tomorrow, go to Pollachi. Tomorrow is the weekly cattle market.
Buy a cow. Hire someone to tow her to our house and you walk behind. A short walk will do you good. Enjoy your walk by her. Pet her, keep patting on her back. To her ears, you can hum your music or poetry, but not in English. Tamiz preferred, Malayalam accepted.
Once she comes home, shower all your affection on her. Let her gain, what I missed. She will give us fresh milk everyday, warm, right from her udders. If you want to be still closer with her, you can wash her, taking to the village pond.
You can graze her on its bank. You can even milk her by your own hands, when they don’t shiver.
I will be happy, she will be happy, you will be happy.
And I will be spared of the frequent nagging. Your girl friends too!
How happy the world will be with one trip to the Pollachi cattle market!
Om Shanthi, Shanthi, Shanthi’
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‘Ammalu, whichever side I turned to, I see only your face.
Are you Parasakthi or Badrakali?’
‘I’m neither. I’m Ammalu, an unsophisticated village woman’
‘But why do I see your face and not the face of my friends, Kamu, KalyAni, Karthyayani?’
‘Oh, that is because I’m your wife and you have some experience about my unsophistication and village manners’
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How long are we married, Ammalu? 30,40,50 years? Of course, how long we lived together is not important. How we lived, how we are living, that alone is important’
‘We did live happily, we are living happily and we will continue to live happily if you continue with your crankiness’
‘Ammalu, you are starting a quarrel, as usual. If you talk about my mild abnormal behavior, I can talk in volumes about your abysmal intelligence ability. I’m on the peak and you, where? No trace, Ammalu. You are no where in the intelligence map!’
‘If intelligence was my criteria, I would have chosen Sir, C.P. And not a high BP, BASP’
‘BASP?’
‘Below average SP’