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Ammalu is always right

“Don’t you think I deserve a Nobel prize?”
“Is there a Nobel for excelling as a husband?”
“Woman with  sub- zeo brain! Not for excellency in my husbendancy. For my writing”
“Wah! You deserve”
Ammalu, one achievement you had, by marrying a big man like me, was —–”
“Not one, four achievements, I had”
“I’m not talking about our children —”
“Other than them, no other achievements, I had from you”
Ammalu. Yesterday I met our old astrologer Appu MArAr.. There were some malefic conjunctions and confusions in our horoscope matching, it seems. What shall we do now?”
“You are late by 50 years to bring this message to me. It is OK. . Better late than never. Someone just came enquiring whether there are any boys of marriageable age. I replied that there is one boy, whose age is ideal for marriage but he is already married. That gentleman wouldn’t have gone beyond the crossroad. I will call him back”
“Cruel, crooked woman! I will shoot you”
“Exactly as I expected, is your reaction. The moment I mentioned about another horoscope match, you are getting wild. So, absolutely no confusion in the horoscope. Our combination is ideal. You can inform the astrologer”
“With 99% accuracy, I can tell you that you are NOT an ideal wife for me, Ammalu”
“With that remaining 1% accuracy I can tell you that you are, you alone are the ideal husband for me, SP”
“I’m totally confused, does it mean I’m good or I’m not?”
“So, our astrologer Appu MArAr’s ‘confusion’ part has come true. We will wait for the prediction on ‘combination'”
Give me your frank opinion, Ammalu. Would I have been happier, had I not married you?”
“No chance”
“No chance of being happy without you?”
“No chance of your not marrying me, as my mom would have blackmailed you
with the letters you wrote mistaking her for me”
“What a fool I was, Ammalu. How did I commit that blunder?”
“Because, when you met me for the first time, in our house, you didn’t raise your head. You eyes were glued to the plate of snacks”
“True. I saw only the food plate and sari -ends”
“Even now, you see only sari- ends of other women and that is how I’m here, despite all your boastful imaginary flirting with your old friends”
“You told your mother I’m your mid-way husband! What do you mean? I know you from the day you stopped wetting your bed sheet. I have carried you on my shoulders from the day your uncles carried you on their shoulders for a minute and dropped on the floor on our wedding . Since then, you have been sitting on my head like a zero benefit stock in the share market. And, you calling me a mid- way husband? I need an explanation, now, right now, Ammalu”
“Oh, I made that remark very casually and wonder why my mom shares with you, my petty talks with her ?”
“You call it petty? I can file a defamation case against you. Before that, let me hear your explanation”
“While going to Chettiar shop last evening, you were with me. While I placed indent for our requirement, you were with me. Suddenly you vanished . While returning home carrying provision, I saw you walking in style with Ammini or Kummini. . It is OK, nothing new about it.
When I neared our gate, You were there, alone, and instead of relieving my load in my hand, you pounced on me with a question, ‘how dare you abandon me mid-way?’
Now tell me was it wrong that I called you a ‘mid- way’ husband? Shall I get a paper sheet and pen for you to file a defamation case against me?”
“No way Ammalu. You are my only way and goal. I just helped Ammini as she lost her way to her house”
“You are prepared to go all the way to help your friends, who lose their way to their own house of fifty years. I will tell mom you are my ‘all the way’ husband”
After fifty years of living together, what is your opinion about me, Ammalu?
I’m sure that my grade would have gone up, proportionate to the years of companionship. I’m really glad. Really glad ”
” I’m really glad that much against my fear on what I heard about you, before our wedding, your grade has remained status quo. Don’t know whether to thank God’s blessings or my control over you”
——————— ———-
“Ammalu, I’m not a circus elephant to dance on a ball to your tune. I’m a wild lion”
“I don’t know whether your are a lion or an elephant. You are my husband and like any other husbands, you have been going by what I say and you will continue to do that”
“How do you say that I will continue to go by what you say. Are you an astrologer?’
“No. I’m your wife”
“Any idea about the heavy, not that heavy and light assets of your mom?”
“Yes, interested in knowing her liabilities too?”
“What liability? The wise woman passed on her only liability to me, some fifty years ago”
“That is true. So, you want to know only about her assets?”
“Yes, not with any intention. Just as a matter of general knowledge”
“Ok. Her heaviest asset is a huge granite wet grinder, inherited from her grand mother.
My grand father used to roll the pestle for her. It accompanied her, as a wedding gift
And my father took over the job.”

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