“Many Facebook friends have displayed photos with their valentines. How nice it would have been, if I too had displayed our photo?”
“I’m your wife, not valentine”
“Just for fun. I will caption the picture, ‘ me with my valentine”
“Not a bad idea. I will share that photo on my timeline and say, ‘me with my valentine’
“No, no. You can’t do that. I’m not your valentine. I’m your husband”
“Just for fun!”
“Stop that nonsense and get out. I don’t need your photo”
——————————————-
“One can be happy with only one wife. But, she should be like an young cine star. What say, Ammalu?”
“What is your birth star, SP Sir?”
“What is my birth star, Ammalu? I don’t remember. Please give me a hint”
“Really?”
“Yes, Ammalu. I’m not joking. I forget old events”
“Birth star doesn’t age”
“I know. But I’m not young”
“And you want an young cine star- like wife?”
——————————–
“Ammalu, I need you to cook my food and you need me to earn money for buying stuff. Is there any other purpose for each other?”
“I need you for one more purpose”P
“What is that? Remember, I’m a very busy man!”
“Just to keep a watch on my sari bottom and alert me whenever it raises up, even by a centimeter”
——————————————-
Is there any relation between us, other than you are my wife an I’m your husband, Ammalu?”
“I think so. For our children, you are their father and me, their mother”
“How do you answer my questions so spontaneously?”
“Not spontaneously. I have prepared an answer book for all such stupid questions expected from you, since long”
——————————–
“Friends say, my hidden talents are coming out one by one, Ammalu. What do you think?”
“Being untalented as you say, no comments on the flow -out of your talents.
But, a word about things, I’m familiar with.
Your teeth and hair are coming out one by one. Your vagabond thoughts and waste word are coming out encase.
———————————–
“An attractive job, I had once; not now.
An attractive bank balance, I had once. Not now”
An attractive wife, I had once. Not now”
“I still have an attractive husband”
“Really, Ammalu?’
“Yes, you find every woman in this village, attractive!”
————————————–
“In the old age, for her husband, wife should serve as a spectacle for the eyes, hear- aid for the ears, stick for walk, speaker for talk, book for knowledge and desk for writing”
“You have all these already ? Why an extra set?”
“Ammalu, in the old age, one longs for an extra set and an extra wife”
“I see your point, SP. Finding extra set of stick, book etc is my job. Finding an extra wife is yours. Get a woman soon”
“But, how Ammalu? Where do I find another woman ?”
“Chettiar shop. On the right corner, above the rice sacks. The colorful lady will move her head in agreement if you touch her”
“Doll?”
“You longed for, right?’
————————————————
“Ammalu, your mother planted you in my life to steal my secrets”
“In no way you are innocent. You too stole something sacred from me and made some planting. But I’m excited and grateful to you for what you did”
“You can never supplant me in my language proficiency”
” I don’t dispute. But, unlike you, my talks are open ; not implanted with secrecy as in your talk with your women friends in my presence”
“This much mastery for a lower elementary -educated?”
“As long as the sixth element of the Periodical Table doesn’t cloud your mind, I’m happy”
“What is that ?”
“Carbon with symbol C”
“I see”
———————————
“After seeing the same old face for several years, if a husband looks for a change, what is harm in it?”
“You look for a new face?”
“Not me specifically. I’m talking in general term”
“I’m not talking in a general term. I’m asking specifically. Are you looking for a new face in my place or not?”
“Ammalu, that is not a fair question to be asked to me ”
“Then, what was that new face you talked about just now ?”
“Ok. I will put it this way. I have found a new face and that person is waiting outside. Would you like to see ?”
“Yes, yes. Where is she ?”
“Not ‘she’. That person is a ‘he’ for me. Like you, I’m also fed up sueeing the sane face for fifty years”
“Ammalu. Never leave me and go. What I said was unpardonable but inseek your pardon. I submit myself completely, totally, for ever hereafter, to you. Is it enough or should I bend my head further? My total surrender. Sashtanga NamskAram”
“Ok. I’m also looking for a change. Change of everything. Give me your mobile. Let me call my new face, waiting outside”
“Waiting outside? Already you have someone to take my place? Are you serious, Ammalu? I was joking.”
“I was not joking”
“Ammalu I am sorry. I surrender. I surrender to you completely. Even in my dreams I will never talk about another face. I won’t get up from this position unless you lift me up and say that you have pardoned me. Otherwise, you won’t see my face. It will be like thus for ever, fired to the Earth”
——
“Ammalu, unlike you, I’m a husband and I have many responsibilities”
“You have many responsibilities- agreed. You are not a wife like me – agreed. You are a husband- agreed. Now, what do you want?”
“I want you to get out and leave me in peace”
“Not agreed”
“Why?”
“Because, unlike you, I’m your wife and have no responsibilities other than taking care of your needs”